The Ranting Witch

Rangerwill's Story

2012-02-06T16:21:00.001-05:00

The Duel.

Written by Rangerwill, based on a duel in the Ranger's apprentice series.

If you're a RA fan like me and you've read book eight, you probably know where this is from.

**About the Cult**

To fully understand this story, you should read this first.

The cult in this short story are a band of thugs, that go out during the middle of the night and slit the throats of alone, sleeping, knights. After they do that, they ransack the camp looking for any valuables, and stuffing their stomachs with food. Though quite a few suspect them of their activities, there is no evidence. There are a few, however that are skilled at gunning in the group. That is where Will and Bentley come in.

ⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥ
It was interesting, Will thought, that the Cult would actually accept the challenge of a duel. He was sure they would back out.
He voiced his thought to Bentley, who answered. "They accepted, because they always underestimate the power of an Alchemer."
Will said, "I didn't think of that.. most people do underestimate them. Swear to their Polarises, they do." Bentley replied. "Still, even if they did know how powerful the Alchemers were, they'd still probably accept. They don't know how much you've worked to be able to achieve the full power of them."

ⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥⵥ

"Be careful," said Bentley, who was still worried about his friend. "Don't worry, I'll win." Replied Will, as they went to the battlefield.

"The rules of trial by combat are simple. Both of you will stand 150 feet apart, and by the horn you will shoot one bullet and one bullet only. You are not permitted to move, you must stand in place. The person who is struck down first, will lose the trial. The winner will obviously win the trial.
Any questions?" Nobody spoke, the referee shrugged and left the field.

They were both ready. At 75 yards or so, Will would've considered the odds 50-50. But at 150 yards, he believed he had a slight advantage. He had spent hours aiming and perfecting his shots. The polaris required little skill and didn't take nearly as much as time to learn how to use it with full effectiveness. (In this story, the Polaris' bullets are considered just as fast as alchemer bullets.)

The horn blasted, Will heard something wickedly slash through the air a foot or so from his head. Less then half a second later he aimed and shot perfectly. His enemy took a slight step to the right at the last moment, putting the bullet which Will had shot right into his chest. He died almost instantly, a perfect shot by Will. Somehow, he had known that the other contestant would try to avoid the inevitable death at the last moment, so he shot just about a foot extra to the left. It had proven successful. The hundreds of people who were watching the duel were awed by his accuracy, wondering if it was luck or not whether he had shot slightly to the left. Bentley came to greet him with a sigh of relief, and said, "Nice shot, that's the end of the cult."

The End.

I'm willing to take constructive criticism, or just pure criticism on this story, just tell me whether you like it or not, and if you find any typos as I've written it all here please post and tell me.

Hope you liked it!

Welcome to 2012

2011-12-31T23:55:00.000-05:00

Turning turning turning. The wheel has turned and the year has passed. Good and bad things happened. Friends were made and friends were lost (not dead).

The year is done and gone. To all I wish a good new year. For those interested I have a personal resolution I shall keep to myself, the other is I am going to be posting more often. At least once a week.

Now if you will excuse me I am going to end the year the same way I started it… completely and totally ratassed.

~Gwen

Rant

2011-10-29T19:26:00.002-04:00

Ok, I know the people that like reading my stuff have been disappointed lately. I hit a slump. Well guess what… you guys want a rant, you’re getting a fucking rant.

I walk to work everyday, it’s literally across the street from where I live, we’re talking a 3 minute walk assuming no traffic. It also means I get to come home for lunch. I always check before crossing the street. Why? Because the “right of way” is BULLSHIT. Having the right of way doesn’t mean shit if you get hit by a fucking car now does it?! They’re bigger, you’re wrong. The car is right by virtue of mass. Yea if they hit you they’re in the wrong, but it doesn’t really matter to you of you’re dead now does it!

So… I check the street, cars down both ways far enough I can get across no problem. I start running across as I’m close to when I need to clock back in from lunch. Turn to my left… and there’s a car… about 6 feet away from me. I ran like a bat out of hell to get out of the way. And he roared through where I had been about a half second later.

I checked the fucking street, there was NOTHING! Get me? Nada, zip, zilch, we’re talking a number equal to the odds of Katy Perry walking into where you work and asking you out! This ass muncher turned onto the street, didn’t look where the fuck he was going, and almost ran my mother fucking ass down!

I did get a glimpse of the fuck head, he was on a god damn cell phone… which, by the way, would have been shoved up his ass so far he could dial it with his colon if he had stopped to yell at me. He’s lucky I didn’t get a better look at him or ethics be damned I’d curse his ass. I’d make his god damn balls fall off, by the time I was done it would look like he had an advanced case of leprosy!

This has been Gwen. Your very pissed off, ranting redhead. And ..|.. to the bastard!

TWitN: 10/9/11-10/15/11

2011-10-12T21:08:00.000-04:00

God damn people have given me some interesting shit to write about this week! This week in the news! A family calls the cops… because they can’t find their way out of a corn maze, bank robber foiled because his hand writing sucks, and a “superhero” is arrested for assault.

~ A family gets lost in a corn maze and calls the cops to save them. Ok… seriously, how much of a fucking wimp do you have to be to call the cops because you can’t find your way out of a corn maze?!?! This wasn’t even a haunted maze, it was just a normal one. No monsters, no scary sounds, just corn pathways. It is not that hard to find your way out… head a direction, keep walking, always turn either right or left (pick one and keep doing that one only) until you’re out. Or if that is too hard for you, hold hands and walk through the corn in one direction until you walk out of the field.

Hell with it, next story.

~ This one is pure gold. A bank robber writes down what he wants he teller to do, goes into a bank, gives her the note… and then is denied because its illegible! Yes, it sounds like something out of a movie, and actually it is. Somebody copied “Take the Money and Run”. Ok, guy… I’ll give you points for the ummmmm, audacity to try to rob a bank, I’ll even give you points for imitating a movie. But why by Poseidon’s blue balls would you copy the part of the movie heist that failed?!?! Here’s a free hint for next time! If your handwriting is that bad, type it out instead!

And onto my favorite for a long time to come.

~ This week’s top story!!!! Seattle “superhero” arrested for assault!!!! You know, there’s a few things I NEVER expected to be able to write up, and “superhero arrested” was really damn high on that list! I do love when people give me new things to write on.

http://news.yahoo.com/video/odd-15749658/seattle-superhero-arrested-accused-of-assault-26895615.html

The guy tried to break up a fight… that wasn’t a fight, and had the people he was “saving” turn on him because he pepper sprayed them.

Evidently Phoenix Jones, lovely name there by the way, has a group of “superheros” that are bound and determined to get shot. Oops, said that wrong. That tries to fight crime with costumes, a geeky guy in glasses, and the power of pepper spray! I can see the back story now. Pissed off taxi driver pepper sprays him, but the pepper spray has been infected with uhhhh radiation, and it turns him into Phoenix Jones!!!! Okay, sue me, creating a back story for a “superhero” who’s only power is to look like a Mortal Kombat knockoff with pepper spray is a little hard. And actually… I go back to my previous statement, bound and determined to get shot.

This guy and his team read a few too many comic books as kids. Masked vigilantes don’t work outside of comics because *gasp* you’re only going to prepared to handle minor domestic disturbances and the occasional fight that doesn’t involve weapons. The law isn’t on your side, at all if you do this, and anything bigger then the above is going to get you shot!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And…

“I am Ba…”

YOU ARE NOT FUCKING BATMAN!!! YOU’RE CAPTAIN PEPPERSPRAY IN LATEX!!!!!

Games

2011-08-16T09:56:00.000-04:00

I am a gamer. I like video games… they’re fun, bright and colorful (if you’re not playing some military FPS thing…), and they keep me entertained… oh, and for all you males… there are tits too. Along with that I read a lot, play music (or more specifically teaching myself to play a piano/keyboard), write (obviously), do nature photography, and a whole list of other things whenever the mood strikes me. But if you asked I’d say I’m a gamer.

I have a competitive streak. Do I like to win? Of course I do, anybody that has a competitive streak does, but it’s not the underlying reason I like to play. I like the challenge. If I’m playing against somebody else winning doesn’t mean anything to me if you don’t put up a fight. I like the challenge more then winning. That brings me to the point of this little article…

I played a flash game the other day called Scuba. I was bored, it looked interesting. I actually played it twice because I forgot to take a screen shot of the high scores.

I had a time of 23:45, that’s minutes and seconds. I was expecting to have a time closer to 30 minutes the second time around, so I did pretty good. Yea… until you see the high scores.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?!

I call the first 3 complete and utter BULLSHIT! I’d even be willing to guess that 4-6 are BS also but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. The first 3 are cheating outright!

A lot of people cheat, game genie and gameshark were designed for games specifically so you could cheat! But then you’re not posting your scores for everybody to see either!

I honestly don’t give a flying fuck if you cheat, a ton of people do it, the first 20 entries on the score are probably people cheating, the difference is they’re doing it believably!

You made your score 2 seconds! Are you trying to prove how big and bad you are? Cause we all know you are the All Mighty and can do things physically impossible. It’s really not that impressive anymore. Perhaps you could make some furries instead, at least that would be interesting to watch. Are you trying to compensate for something? You’re doing it a little too much hun… cause uhhhhh, making your score that good just makes it look like you need a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers to go to the bathroom!!!!

You’re one of those idiots that want to win, just to win, and you don’t care what you have to do to finish first. Good thing it’s just a video game and not a race or we might see you whipping out a gun and killing everybody ahead of you. You’d win with everybody running away screaming in horror as you cross the finish line covered in your deceased opponent’s blood. And, as the cops take you away, you could go “Yea… I killed them, but I won!”

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, non-cheating redhead. And I’m gonna find these guys a pair of tweezers.

TWitN: 7/10/11-7/16/11

2011-07-15T17:26:00.002-04:00

God DAMN have I been away a while! Sorry about that, life just likes to keep me busy. And for the first post in 2 months we haveeeeeee… TWIT NEWS!!!!!!

This week in the news! Should parents lose custody of their kids if the kids are fat? Some Republicans want to create the 51st state, and finally a restaurant bans kids under 6 from eating there! Yes… it’s kid week folks.

~Should children (mostly teens) be removed from their parent’s custody if they’re “obese”? Note that by “removed from their custody” they mean put them in foster care. Now maybe I’m a little odd about this but HOLY FUCK NO!!!!! Are you fucking brain dead?! Ask anybody that’s actually been in the foster care system what it’s like. Actually, go ask a whole lot. Now tell me how many damn horror stories you hear. You’re going to remove a kid from a loving family, and put them into the 7th level of hell that is the foster care system because they’re FAT?! You can fucking eat me! How about you actually look for people that abuse their kids instead of trying to escalate this inane drivel that is the “war on fat”.

Yes, people are fatter now then they used to be. It’s because we have a more sedentary lifestyle and because the food companies screwed us like a $2 whore with their food pyramid for a couple generations. Look it up, the food pyramid created a diet for people we’ve never had before (and didn’t need) and oh wow, caused bad effects! Just because the kids too are fatter does not mean they should be thrown to the hounds to justify your “everybody must be thin” boner! Next story.

~Some Republicans want to get 13 southern California counties to secede from the US and become the 51st state. First off, it’s a joke of an idea because it’s not going to happen. I can tell you why they want it to though. California is very much a Democrat state, the 13 counties in question are far more Republican. They want to be able to make their own state laws, and not be under the rule of them gosh darned Democrats! Oh, and they want to name the new state “South California”. Honestly, not a whole lot I can say on this one.

~Restaurant BANS children under 6! First off, I’m going to get a lot of flack about this, but I am all for this. I am at a nice "upscale, casual and quiet" restaurant, enjoying my night, and then a family walks in with a young child. They sit down 3 tables over from me and for the entire rest of my meal, and every other person’s in the restaurant, I get to listen to your loin spawn scream.

No, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact I think it needs to be expanded to other places, like movie theaters. Leave the kid with a baby sitter or friend. There are plenty of kid friendly restaurants, ones that are meant for kids, go there.

By the way, I like kids, I also happen to think if you can’t control your kids, or they’re so young they’re going to be screaming through the entire shopping trip/meal/movie, that you need to take them to a kid friendly restaurant/some place else!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. An I’m going to get hate mail for this one.

Celebrity Bullshit

2011-05-10T11:33:00.001-04:00

I know, I know. I said I wouldn’t (or would very rarely) cover celebrity bullshit. Tell them to quit giving me such fucking easy ammo.

Justin Beiber is in the news this week after his debut on CSI with one of the regular actors on there calling him a brat. Really? A brat? You don’t say. It couldn’t possibly be that he’s following in the footsteps of most of the other child singers is it? I mean Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, and all the others have grown up to be perfectly stable individuals. Yea right. The only child/teen singer that I’ve heard any actual respectable conduct from is Taylor Swift… and you’ll notice she’s a country singer instead of a pop singer. Not that I think that has anything to do with it but its an interesting coincidence.

Anyways, Marg Helgenberger called Beiber a brat, on TV. Evidently the kid locked a producer in a closet and “put his fist through a cake that was on the craft service table”. Admittedly they both had it coming though. The producer was performing the unforgivable sin of telling Beiber what he needed to do *gasp* the horror! And the cake evidently made a crack about Beiber’s mother… something about her fucking a broken accordion to conceive him or something like that. Obviously both were well justified and the appropriate response to the situation and Helgenberger is just being mean to a kind and talented singer… and if I don’t stop that I’m going to form a sarcasm black hole.

*Puts on a 10/6 Mad Hatter hat* CHANGE PLACE!!!!

Paris Hilton has opened up one of her houses for rent. A 3,000 square foot house in the Hollywood Hills. Yes, THE Hollywood Hills. The Hollywood Hills that it is mandatory for all new celebrities, or people with too much money and a desire to have no privacy, must own a house in. This lovely sack of overpriced shit can be yours for the low, low price of $20,000 a month! Oh my god, only $20k a month?! Where do I sign up?!

The house includes a larger-than-life portrait of the socialite (ever notice that they always use socialite? Never actress, or celebrity, it’s always socialite. I think socialite is code for no talent.), a bedroom that is pink enough to even make me cringe, and I like pink... and evidently a pole somewhere for entertaining. I am not making that up, it actually says that in the article!

“The star's home is full of family photos and high-end finishes. And yes, there's a pole for entertaining.”

Besides the fact that you can rent her house, you get to sleep in her bed and from how the article sounds some of her wardrobe is there. Disclaimer: neither the realtor nor the “socialite” is responsible for anything you might catch from sleeping in the bed or wearing the clothes… take that as you will!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And Justin Beiber is probably going to rent Hilton’s house… he wants to try on the clothes.

PS: All the Beiber fans. FLAME ME! Please, leave me lots of comments. I’ll even leave them up to laugh at. You’ll up my traffic and get me some more intelligent readers.

Superfoods

2011-04-30T09:47:00.000-04:00

Is anybody else tired of that fucking term yet? Oh! It’s a “superfood”, its new and fantastic for you! FUCK YOU! It’s the same god damn thing that you’ve been eating but got a hip new name to get you morons who believe everything you read/hear and think you can sit on your ass and lose weight if you take enough pills.

By the way, try our limited time offer! For the low, low price of your soul and enough money to fund a small 3rd world country you can purchase the Quick Trim system! As made famous by Kim Kardashian and her less popular sisters! Just 18 easy payments of $49.99! Get yours today!

Hey look I’ve gone corporate.

Here, let’s look at what wikipedia says about superfoods:

Superfood is a term sometimes used to describe food with high phytonutrient content that may confer health benefits as a result. For example, blueberries are often considered a superfood (or superfruit) because they contain significant amounts of antioxidants, anthocyanins, vitamin C, manganese, and dietary fiber.

The term is not in common currency amongst dieticians and nutritional scientists, many of whom dispute the claims made that consuming particular foodstuffs can have a health benefit. There is no legal definition of the term and it has been alleged that this has led to it being over-used as a marketing tool.

Hmmmmm “no legal definition of the term” seems to be the key word. So that means you could call ANYTHING a superfood, right? Right?! Chicken and gravy? Superfood. McDonalds mcburger? Superfood. Justin Beiber? Crappy singer, but still a superfood.

*switches to stereotypical gay voice* You know what superfood makes me think of? It makes me think of GAY!!! It's superrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

How about we quit with the crappy terms and just say what it might be? The foods you’ve known for-fucking-ever are good for you are *GASP* good for you!!!! It doesn’t matter if your muffins have “superfood” blueberries or regular ones in it, it’s the same damn thing with a $3 markup for the “superfood” one.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And buy my superfood fudge rounds, only $19.99 a box and you’ll swear they taste healthier then the other ones.

Cartoons

2011-04-20T23:23:00.001-04:00

I miss cartoons. Yes, I know there are still cartoons on TV, but they’re not the same anymore.

I miss good cartoons. The old ones. I miss the cartoons where they didn’t want to make me bash people’s heads in with a brick. Let me explain.

Looney Tunes! They had no real plot for most of them. Occasionally you’d get a Bugs Bunny movie that was long enough to have an actual plot, but aside from those the plot was along the lines of: Elmer Fudd wants to hunt Bugs Bunny, Wlie E. Coyote wants to get some yummy Road Runner nom, etc. And the cartoons revolved around that! No continuity between cartoons other then their basic rivalries (Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck/Elmer Fudd/Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner, Tom and Jerry) and that was it! They were basic, they were funny, and they were adaptable.

Cartoon

Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Duck season.
Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Duck season.
Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Wabbit season.
Daffy: Duck season! FIRE!
Elmer Fudd: *BANG!!!!*
Daffy: … You’re despicable.

How many times did a scene like that play out? A lot! You knew how it was going to end, but it was still funny, partially because they always had something different happen to Daffy after the blast.

Some of the characters were intelligent (Bugs Bunny! THE original smartass!), some of them were a little dense (such as Elmer Fudd). But they were fun and played out their parts beautifully.

How about Tom the cat in blackface. Jerry had this fantastically funny habit of blowing Tom up and when he’d pull his face out of whatever he stuck it in and got blown up he’d be in blackface. It was funny! You saw it coming and it was still funny! Or how about Wile E. Coyote crashing headlong into a wall or going over a cliff to “poof” when he hit the ground always after some elaborate (and ultimately ineffectual) way to catch Road Runner.

Now you don’t have them anymore! Ok, you do, but they’re not the same. Guns are bad, and parents freak out at the sight of a gun in a cartoon. So if Elmer Fudd even gets to fire his gun you never see it hit anything. Blackface is evidently racist (don’t know how it’s racist, I’ve never seen a black person that was actually, you know, BLACK) so Tom no longer shows up in blackface, he starts to pull his head out and the scene cuts away. Violence is wrong and has no place in society so now Wile E Coyote falls over the cliff to his (almost) doom and you never see him hit the ground… no “poof”, the scene just ends!

AND I THINK IT SUCKS!!!!

No, now we have to have politically correct cartoons that are a good fucking influence. Cartoons that lack any kind of spark. Now we have *drumroll* SPONGE BOB!!!!!!

Fuck me up the ass!

Sponge Bob is such a piece of shit it’s pathetic. It has a plot but it SUCKS! He’s a retarded (literally) piece of sponge that talks, goes about his life, and shit like that. Oh, and one of his friends is a weasel that lives in dome on the bottom of the ocean. You can find more cognitive thought from a 5 year old then from Sponge Bob! And this is what cartoons are now folks!

Oh, and we’re talking cartoons for those past toddler age, so I’m not including Dora the Explorer, Bob the Builder, or anything like that. Those are for a very young age, unlike Looney Tunes and (supposedly) Sponge Bob.

“What about anime! You’re leaving out anime!” No, I’m not. Anime does not count as cartoons in my opinion. It is a different style entirely. Anime is closer to a standard TV series then cartoons. They have a plot that goes through the entire series (WE MUST STOP NARAKU!!!!!). I like some anime, but a lot of it I view the same as regular TV (since that what it actually is, just animate)… it sucks.

Back to cartoons! And specifically Looney Tunes! When was the last time you saw a cartoon that could send a message relevant to the time period? Probably never! Because the shit they play now is too dumbbed down to be able to pull it off. Looney Tunes used to play some cartoons that were time-period specific. There was one Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is flying a plane, and at the end is about to crash land and then his plane stops in midair, he jumps out and goes “Sorry folks, you know how these A-Cards are.” An A-Card was a gas ration during WW2. You couldn’t do anything like that with cartoons today because they’re not smart enough or flexible enough anymore to be able to pull shit like that and still stay in the character’s general way of thinking! Could you see Sponge Bob managing to pull off a War in Iraq reference? NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAUSE HE’S STUPID! He’s a couple dozen IQ points lower then your bottom feeder politician!

On the flip side there were some incredibly racist Looney Tunes cartoons, at the time they were viewed as just fine, not anymore, and I’m glad they don’t play them anymore. What is relevant and acceptable at one time is not the same for another.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And… SPONGE SEASON! FIRE!!!! *BANG!*

Nice to see actual truth in politicians for once

2011-04-16T17:45:00.000-04:00

The video says it all.

Chicago School BANS from Home Lunches

2011-04-13T19:06:00.000-04:00

The Little Village Academy on Chicago's West Side has decided to BAN lunches brought from home unless you have food allergies. I am of 2 minds on this…

First off! I see no problem with this at all… IF they’re making school lunch free for all the students. If you are making it mandatory for the students to eat your food, then you should include it in the school fees you push on the parents. It is a public school, it is “free” (aside from whatever fees they decide to charge you for stupid stuff), so if getting the lunch is mandatory, like going to school is, then it shouldn’t cost anything more. The problem of course is that they’re not doing that. Which leads to my other thought on this.

Second… FUCK THEM!!!!!!

“ Principal Elsa Carmona said her intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.

"Nutrition wise, it is better for the children to eat at the school," Carmona said. "It's about the nutrition and the excellent quality food that they are able to serve (in the lunchroom). It's milk versus a Coke. But with allergies and any medical issue, of course, we would make an exception." ”

Excellent quality food? HA! Since when? Last I checked pizza flavored lard and buttered manatee ass didn’t qualify as excellent, that’s not even good. The reason most students don’t buy school food is because its shit! Lets see… what days do you get student buying lunch. Hmmmmmm, French fry day and Papa Johns/Dominos/Pizza Hut day, and that’s it unless they have to get it. Why? Because they don’t want to eat “lasagna” that has more grease coming out of it then your typical McDonalds burger. Or the slop that’s supposed to be chicken and dumplings, or the school pizza that is like a brick it’s so over-cooked.

I can understand no fast food. No McWendy’s King or shit like that is fine. I’ll even go with the no pop… even though most schools have pop machines where the students have access to them, I smell hypocrisy!!!!!!!

“Carmona said she created the policy six years ago after watching students bring "bottles of soda and flaming hot chips" on field trips for their lunch. Although she would not name any other schools that employ such practices, she said it was fairly common.”

This is a steaming pile of bullshit! I’ve never heard of a school with this policy. And this isn’t about healthy food. No where close, this is about money. Let’s see. We’ll assume the school has 1000 students. Before this took effect probably about 1/3 of them bought the school lunch. At $2.25 that’s about $750 a day. NOW the entire student body MUST get the school lunch if they want to eat. And our number jumps to about $2200 a day.

I only partially blame the principle and the school for this piece of filth being in effect. A good part of the blame goes to the parents too. THEY should’ve gone “fuck you” and still sent their kids to school with lunches instead of rolling over and letting the school dictate to them what their kids can eat! What was the school going to do to them? The school can’t fine the parents. And if they decide to give detention to or suspend a few hundred over it they would’ve had hell to pay. No, this is also the parent’s fault.

And I find the picture of a “school lunch” they included funny as hell.

So… tell me. Have you ever seen a school lunch that looked like that? I didn’t think so.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And the school says I am no longer allowed to bring my own rants to the blog. I have to buy theirs now.

Friday

2011-04-10T18:23:00.004-04:00

I am sure everybody and their grandmother that is reading this has seen or heard of the song “Friday”. The singer, Rebecca Black, is now famous for it. If only it was a good thing…

For those living under a fucking rock that means that the song/music video quickly went viral. Reproducing at an astounding rate and quickly being raised to an epidemic outbreak level by the surgeon general. The Friday virus is highly contagious, spreading by minor contact with infected individuals, and is the first case of a human virus being spread through the internet. (In other news the US government is trying to figure out how this was done for possible biological weapon use) It appears to be non-lethal, but small children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are recommended to be closely monitored just in case.

Symptoms include: having the song “Friday” stuck in your head for days on end, randomly singing off key, and mild fever. Severe cases have been witnessed breaking out in (off key) singing in large crowds, making parody versions of the “Friday” song and music video, and being confused if you should sit in the front or back seat of a car (incredibly amusing to onlookers when you’re the only one getting into the car). Still, doctors recommend wearing a dust mask (because it’s funny as hell when you get a dust mask tan line) and seeing a doctor is you develop any of the severe symptoms.

Oh, and some random woman named Gwenny has developed a vaccine for the dreaded Friday virus, she is selling it out of her apartme, er… office for a mere $100. Supplies are limited, make sure you purchase your vaccination before supplies run out.

OK! Now that that’s out of the way, obviously this is my own mockery of “Friday”. What brought it about? Why the newest “Friday” parody of course! God fucking damnit how many parody’s of this wannabe kindergarten song (ok class, lets sing the Friday song! Saturday, Sunday, Monday…) do we need?! Including the original and the horrendous religious version above I know of AT LEAST 8. Including one by some boy band, Conan O’Brian, a 10 minute play, and a piano ballad! Ok, seriously! I get parody, have you seen this site? Half of it is parody. But things quickly reach the point where it goes from being funny to being “are people seriously still making these?” So to all the people out there… I have one request.

MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I hear she’s creating a new song “These are all the things in my backpack”… I can see the parodies now

*sings* These are all the things in my backpack. Note-book, note-book, text book, hand-ful of pen-cils, text book, an entire box of condoms.... *fades out*

OMFG Middle East Violence!

2011-04-02T16:50:00.002-04:00

Who the fuck didn’t see this shit coming?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110402/ap_on_re_as/as_afghanistan

The dumb fuck church in Florida (Why does Florida suck so hard? I mean they don’t know how to vote… just look at the 2000 elections. And its nick named “God’s waiting room”… God damn.) decided to go through with their plan to hold a Quran burning…

ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING STUPID?! Wait, don’t answer that, the answer is obviously YES!!!!!!

I don’t think you fuckers understand. The Islamic religion is NOT Christianity. They stemmed from the same one originally… but that is where the similarities fucking end. I know you have trouble remembering your own name… it takes a while for your 2 brain cells to rub together in that big vacancy you call a head… but try to remember what has happened in the past 15 years.

Oh, you don’t remember… fine, allow me to re-educate you:

~Bush as President for 8 years, completely ruining international relations. Most notably with the Middle East.

~There was a political cartoon about ohhh 8-10 years ago… about Allah being violent and what not. OMFG YOU SATIRIZED GOD!!! WE WILL PROVE WE ARE NOT VIOLENT BY DESTROYING SHIT!!!!!

The group has no problem using violence to meet whatever ends it wants. Quit FUCKING with them unless you are trying to get American troops killed. And if that’s the case YOU need to be brought up as an accessory to murder. You knew exactly what kind of reaction this is going to bring. You knew burning the Quran was going to cause riots and violence and yet you still did it! By our laws doing something that you know will cause violence, panics, or riots (such as yelling FIRE! in a theater) makes you an accessory so lets put you up on charges.

Yes, I know not all Muslims are violent. I know a few. I actually find the hijabs (head scarves) pretty, although you can keep the burkas. Most of the US Muslims are just fine. Over in the Middle East though the terrorists/extremists are more noticeable then the Christian abortion doctor killers in the US… and the culture for some reason almost seems to encourage them.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And fuck this church and the Muslim rioters.

Super Mario Sunshine

2011-02-25T18:06:00.002-05:00

About a month ago my computer went down for about 2 weeks. Long story short, a RAM stick died. Seeing as I don’t have cable this left me with reading, taking photos (which I don’t do much of during winter), and playing video games. So I read some and got 100% game completion on Super Mario Sunshine. Here’s a review!

First off, I know the game is rather old. I never got around to actually beating it before this so yea… you can just deal.

Overall Super Mario Sunshine is a rather good game. The controls are fairly decent, if you’ve played Super Mario 64 you’ll get the jumping down in about 3 minutes… the only new one is a spin jump. The FLUDD controls are… interesting. You have your standard spray nozzle, and a specialty nozzle. The specialty nozzles are a hover nozzle(which is the most useful), a rocket nozzle used to reach high places, and a dash nozzle which has about 3-4 uses in the entire game. Yes, the dash nozzle is that useless. The biggest change is that Mario can no longer punch. Evidently holding onto the FLUDD controls tires out his arms too much or something.

The voice acting is kind of sketchy. Mario doesn’t actually talk, although he does make his standard noises when hurt. I hear a lot of complaints about FLUDD, but honestly its supposed to sound like a computer voice. In that aspect I actually think it’s the 2nd best done voice in the game, although it talks too damn much when it does talk. The mushroom people and most of the random NPCs don’t talk usually other then some kind of “hello”. Princess Peach is amazingly badly done. She’s supposed to be an adult and she sounds like she’s about 8!

**********SPOILER ALERT!!! SPOILER ALERT!!!***********

Baby Bowser has probably the best voice in the game, he sounds like a kid but still menacing. He also seems to have the intelligence of a kid, seriously… Peach being his mama? Which is a nice surprise.

Bowser on the other hand has the worst voice in the game in my opinion. He’s the giant koopa of doom, he’s supposed to be deep voiced, have his menacing laugh. Vicious, dangerous. DIE MARIO DIE! If you played Mario 64 I am sure you remember his laugh whenever you entered one of his levels. But NO!!!!! He sounds old and tired. He doesn’t even roar! I get that he is supposed to play father figure for his son kind of in this game at the end. But he is still the main Mario villain and instead of “THE PRINCESS IS MINE! EAT FLAME!!!!!” he splashes his bathwater at you!

***************END SPOILER********************

The music is good, nothing too terribly memorable but it matches the setting of the game and what you’re doing at the time. It’s Nintendo, so this is kind of a given.

My only real complaint, aside from the voice acting, is the blue coins and some of the mini-games to get Shines.

Most of the mini-games are rather fun, nothing I’d play again just for the hell of it, but they’re not bad. A couple of them though are damn horribly involved to get to and harder then the final boss level! There’s one in the main level hub that will take you at least 5 minutes just to get to, and when you do you need to have at least 30 lives because you will die in it that much.

The blue coins are another issue. There are 240 blue coins in the game, you can exchange 10 coins for “that”… that of course being a Shine. I’m used to hunting for items. Some of my favorite games are Metroid and Zelda, both of which revolve around finding hidden items. If I hadn’t had a game guide I would’ve never found some of them they’re hidden in such exoteric spots. In one world for example half the world is a beach… there are 3 Shine paintings under the sand… each holding a blue coin. You are not going to find them without some kind of guide. In another level you have to hose down a certain fruit basket to get a blue coin. Again… who is going to think to water the fruit basket?

Overall, not a bad game. No where near the best Mario game. But if you have a Wii it might be worth picking up, just remember to find a guide online if you want to get all the blue coins, and hence Shines.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I prefer when all Bowser did was laugh and roar.

Black History Month

2011-02-15T14:48:00.001-05:00

I am white, if you look at my photo on this blog that is fairly evident. That being said it usually means that I can not get away with the stuff other people can without causing a scandal. If I actually cared about that this blog would be very boring though… on with the discrepancy!!!!!!

I don’t care about black history month. It means absolutely nothing to me. Before you go “OMFG GWEN IS A RACISTTTTT!!!!!!!@! WE MUST BOYCOTT!” or call Al Sharpton… actually do call Al Sharpton, I’d take great pleasure in blasting that racist’s arguments to dust. Er, where was I… oh yes, before you go being an idiot let me explain.

I do not really care about history in general. I know some of it, but rarely the names or dates or the person’s race for the most part, because I don’t view it as important. I know a black man invented peanut butter and a few hundred other uses for peanuts, don’t ask me his name though, I don’t view it as important. Does it matter that the guy was black now, not really. I ALSO know we have the first black president in the White House, Barack Obama. And about the Crusades (they all failed just so you know… think about that before you say you’re “going on a crusade”), the Great Library of Alexandria which unfortunately got burned down, and various other things.

So, we have black history month… where is white history month? Don’t tell me it is always “white history month” because that is BULLSHIT! So where is white history month? How about Asian history month? Latino history month? Oh, its because they were oppressed and made slaves. I did say I know my history… EVERY race has, at one time, been slaves to another and the slave owner. I am not doing your research for you, you can look it up yourself. It just happens that black people being enslaved is the most recent. So if we’re doing it because they were oppressed then why do we not have Indian (native American) history month? We almost completely wiped them out! And don’t say it’s Thanksgiving, if anything that seems to be celebrating it.

Ok, that’s it, I’m done.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And black history month sucks and Sharpton can kiss my ass.

Valentine's Gifts

2011-02-08T13:54:00.001-05:00

This rant is mostly directed towards guy’s getting their girlfriend/wife a gift. I went into a grocery store the other day. Not unusual… I do like to eat after all. And I heard a Valentine’s Day advertisement over their radio.

If you haven’t read the last post I made I am not exactly a fan of Valentine’s Day. I find it kind of crass to go “OMFG! IT IS LOVER’S DAY! YOU MUST GET YOUR LOVER GIFTS!!!!!” Oh, and making it mandatory to buy roses in the dead of winter… yea, THAT’S not a way to try to make a premium off cut roses.

That being said, if I ever got what was advertised as a gift for Valentine’s Day in that commercial whoever gave it would be single really god damn quick.

“Gift cards make a perfect gift for Valentine’s Day!”

Gift cards…

You give a gift card when you have literally no idea what to give, that’s why they’re now staples for relatives at Christmas. You do not give a gift card to your lover on Valentine’s Day! Roses? Fine. Chocolate? I have a weakness for chocolate, I’m a happy girl. Stuffed animals? Are we back in grade school again? But a gift card? The only even remotely acceptable one is to a spa, and those come as gift certificates showing you did actually think.

For all those reading I’ll give you some advice. If you are doing Valentine’s Day plan something with your love. Make the gift something non-cliché. A lot of us like getting dressed up. Something romantic is almost always a good bet, whether at home or out. Romantic does not have to be expensive either, some candles help a lot. And for the love of the Goddess don’t buy a fucking gift card!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And this is probably not the last for the Valentine’s Day topic.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-08T03:43:00.001-05:00

Ahhhhh, Spring. I love Spring, the birds are chirping, flowers blooming, the smell of love in the air. Wait... what do you mean its not Spring?! Then why am I smelling love in the air? Oh, Valentines Day is coming up. *groans*

I don't hate Valentines Day but I sure don't like it. Why? Hmmmmm, how about because its a conspiracy by the candy, florist, and card companies to sell more merchandise.

Seriously, Valentines is the time of the year when chocolate sales jump through the roof, about the only other time that rivals it is Halloween, and that’s to be given out to tons of kids, not just to your mate. At least the price of the chocolate stays pretty constant for Valentines... I can't say the same thing about the cost of roses. Year round you can find a dozen roses for decent prices... until about the week before Valentines. Then the roses swallow a whole bunch of love steroids (SUPER ROSES HO!!!!!) and the price inflates to $30-$50 a dozen! I don't know about you but if my mate is shelling out $50 the flowers better last more then a bloody week. And no, I'm not getting into the cards.

Another reason? Well, quite frankly I just don't like being told to buy shit for people because I "love" or "like" them.

I do know why people with a partner like Valentines though. Guys like it because its a date they don't have to really remember. There’s so much advertising and crap being sold(at greatly inflated prices) that you'd have to be deaf and blind to not notice. Women like it because the guys remember it(for above said reason) and we get stuff.

The thing is buying your mate something for Valentines doesn't show you love them though. All it shows is that you got pulled into the commercialization around the holiday. If you really want to show your mate you love them then you should show it throughout the year. Buy them something just for the hell of it, plan something romantic as a surprise(lets face it, romantic stuff is NOT a surprise on Valentines Day), save that $30-$50 and create an entire rose garden! Use your imagination. Hell, I'd love a rose garden over week old dead roses!

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m going to lil cupid so I can steal his bow and shoot people in the… *TWANG!* OUCH! Ohhh, honey… lets get married…

Breaking with the past, younger people supporting gay marriage.

2011-02-01T19:14:00.000-05:00

I was given this today by a friend.

Usually I'd have some witty remark to go with this. I'm not feeling good, so you guys get what you get... sorry.

I have my own theory as to why the younger generation is breaking with their father's views. Their fathers are well... old. They grew up in a time where if you were gay you sure as hell didn't let anybody know. The girls grew up in a society where they probably had gay friends. If you grow up with them then you're less likely to have issues with them... unless you're just a bigot in general. Then again their mothers are siding with the daughters it seems. Maybe if the dad's weren't Republicans that had to pander to the crazies of the religious right they'd be siding with their daughters too... no way to really tell.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And my sick ass is going back to sleep.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell Part 2

2010-12-21T15:57:00.001-05:00

I wrote my view on DADT getting repealed from the perspective of a civilian. I have never been in the military, and have never wanted to be in the military, although I do support the troops. I wholeheartedly support the repeal of DADT if I didn't make that obvious in my other post. The basic opinion in my post was that I supported the repeal and that DADT itself was insulting to the soldiers.

Skippy, of Skippy's List, also supports it. Seeing as used to be in the military he has a much better view on it then I do, and I would be remiss to not direct my readers to his post. http://skippyslist.com/2010/12/21/the-us-military-feels-pretty-and-witty/

~Gwen

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

2010-12-19T16:56:00.000-05:00

IT’S THE BEGINNING OF THE END!!!!

Sorry, I had to do the Mortal Kombat quote.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT henceforth) got repealed today. For those ignorant to it, DADT was pretty much in the military people couldn’t ask you if you were gay, and you couldn’t tell. And if you got found out you got discharged (read: fired).

On the one hand it’s not important, especially in a combat situation, what sex you prefer. And unless you’re in a undercover op where you have to seduce somebody I don’t see it coming up when you’re working.

But the enlisted do talk. They talk about their girlfriends/boyfriends/spouse back home. For example Soldier 1, 2, and 3 are talking about their girlfriends’ back home

Soldier 1: How about you Private Pile, you have a girl back home?
Closeted Soldier: No, I don’t have one back home.
Soldier 2: You don’t have a girl? Guys we need to buy Pile a lap dance at the strip club!
Closeted Soldier: No that’s ok…
Soldier 1 and 3: YAY!

So now Private Pile has the choice of either refusing (which most straight single men in the military wouldn’t and will probably raise questions) or getting a lap dance that he’s not going to enjoy.

On the other hand what sex you like doesn’t matter! Why does it matter whether Private Pile gets a stiffy over boobs or a dick? Are you straight? Yes, then he doesn’t want you! Yes he may fantasize about you when he’s doing his thing, but you fantasize about lesbians, and they sure as hell don’t want you!

Also it’s very fucking insulting to the soldiers. DADT implies that they can’t handle working with other soldiers that may be a little light on their feet. They’re supposed to be “The best, of the best, of the best, Sir!” (Men in Black) Quit treating them like they’re fucking babies! There are people in the military that are prejudiced. There are people that don’t like blacks, definitely ones that don’t like Muslims; there are the bigoted Christians that don’t have any issue trying to force their view on others. (Don’t take my word for it, look here) The homophobes can deal just as well as the white supremacists.

Goddess forbid they have to serve with *GASP* gay people! Oh, that’s right, they already are. They just don’t know it! And what are they going to do when they get out of the military? It’s illegal in most (I think most, not bothering to check) states to fire somebody because they’re gay.

Back to my starting quote. This could very well be the beginning of the end, the end of anti-gay laws. This could very well be the hypothetical pebble that starts the landslide for gay rights, including gay marriage. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but one can hope.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I am still not joining the military.

Twit News

2010-12-09T21:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, I don't think the Twit News is going to be coming back. I've been too busy with other stuff and honestly they kind of sucked. Oh fuck it, they really sucked. This does not mean I won't be commenting on articles anymore. I'm just going to go back to what I did originally, if I find something worth posting I'll put it up.

It was nice having a guaranteed weekly post, but they were far too long and half of them sucked blistered testicles.

~Gwen

Snow

2010-12-05T17:07:00.001-05:00

It is snowing here, and sticking! Know what that means right?

Yep! NO SCHOOL!!!!!! No school, no school, no school! YAY! I am going to make a snowman and all kinds of other fun stuff. But the best part is no school!

… oh wait…

I forgot. I don’t go to school anymore. FUCK!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, snow loving redhead. And I’m still going to make a snowman.

I don't know what to say...

2010-11-30T21:17:00.003-05:00

You know, I sat on this particular article for a week thinking of how to properly respond to it. It was too important to make the Twit News… and the fact that I have kind of been neglecting the Twit News due to real life things. The article in question is this

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2010/11/26/us-judge-says-lesbians-can-be-cured-by-male-soldiers/

Make sure you read through it, it’s only about a page on Microsoft Word.

My very first thought was… unprintable, even for me. No, that’s not a threat, nor is it a command for my lovely little minions to go do anything to him. You all know exactly who you are. It was just my first thought… then I thought of something better.

Now Judge Rapist, oh, sorry Judge Joe Rehyansky is openly advocating the “corrective” rape of lesbians because in his insane line of thinking after they’re raped enough they’ll become straight. Personally it would just make me want to stake you to the ground with honey on your dick next to a fire ant hill, but that’s just me. But Judge Rapist thinks that it’s a good way to “cure” lesbians of liking women.

Well then! If that’s a good way to convert lesbians to being straight then it sounds like a good way to turn straight men gay! Lets get together some of the biggest bears from the gay community and have them ass rape you until you turn gay. By your own line of thinking it WILL work, so they get to continue pounding your ass until you want the dick!

I know what the issue is, this pathetic excuse of a judge got turned down too many times by lesbians and now he’s bitter. His military record, being a judge, and his manhood (probably all 1 ½ inches of it) couldn’t sway the lesbians he found hot into his bed so now he wants to force them. Here Judge Shrinkydink. I’ll buy you a strap on, maybe it’ll help with your little dick complex!

This judge needs to have his robes taken from him and any rape cases that came before him re-evaluated. Anybody that thinks like that, much less openly advocates it in a public forum, does not need to be making decisions about other people’s lives.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh… come here big boy, you’ll do nicely. I have JUST the guy you should meet.

~I do not advocate ass raping this piss poor judge, nor staking him down with honey on his dick. I DO advocate firing him and bringing him up on possible charges though.

Fashion 2

2010-11-29T02:07:00.003-05:00

I wrote something on fashion when I first started this blog, my knowledge on fashion has not exactly changed much in 3 months. But I feel the need to comment on a couple of the “fashions” I’ve seen recently.

~Comfort pants: Call them whatever the hell you want, but they look like fucking pajama bottoms. Did you just roll out of bed? Obviously not since your top half is dressed decently. Are you pregnant? It would be understandable if you were wearing them while pregnant, baby belly is no where near comfortable. But you’re only a little bigger then me… and male. I put this one in the same category as wearing pants so baggy they’re falling off you… pure stupid and fucking lazy.

~The “Snooki Poof”: This one originated from Jersey Shores (or whatever show she’s on, I can’t be bothered to look it up) on, duh, Snooki. The producers must have been laughing themselves shitless when they thought up this hairdo… and then done that anime question mark above the head when women started copying it! If you don’t know what I’m talking about its this

Oh, I’m a tumor, I’m a tumor. I’mmmmmm a tumor, I’m a tumor! Seriously! The first time I saw it I thought “That poor woman” because I thought she had a decidedly large tumor! And then I saw more women with it and realized it was a terribly bad hairstyle. You people seriously look like you have a giant fucking brain tumor! What is in that thing?! A tennis ball? A pop can? Oh! I know! It’s a bendable dildo!

Ok, I’m done! This shit is making my brain hurt. Hopefully I’m not developing a Snooki tumor, er, pouf.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh god, there’s a woman with a Snooki pouf and pajama pants on…

Marriage

2010-11-26T00:07:00.000-05:00

I got thinking today, about marriage. I like the whole white dress thing, I wouldn't want to be married in a church. I'm a Pagan, not a Christian, and would like to be married somewhere meaningful to me. Somewhere full of nature. Botanical gardens might be nice...

Anyways, I digress.

Can I copyright marriage? I mean you can copyright anything now. I think a few years back Microsoft copyrighted the double-click. It would be one hell of a way to make money. I charge a $2 royalty from any institution that marries a couple. I could be rich in a month!

There were about 2.1 million marriages in the US in 2009. So, in short... I am going to copyright marriage so all of you people can make me a millionaire in a years time.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And do you promise to give Gwen $2? I do.

People at Walmart

2010-11-23T02:13:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine showed me a site called People of Walmart. You do not know the horror that she has unleashed upon you. Ohhhhh, you KNOW this is going to be inappropriate.

I love Flounder... but your anime convention is in another Walmart.

As long as we're making Mario references...
Hey Toad! Is the princess at the anime convention?

Shopping carts now come with a baby airbag... only at Walmart.

The only "girl" I have is my car... I was wondering who dented the exhaust pipe.

Mickey!

Who knew the Predator had children that looked human? Kids going to be traumatized.

Are you trying to imply your dick is so big it can't fit in your pants? Or did you just suddenly lose a lot of weight in 10 seconds? Or are you just too dumb to know how to use that belt?

I hear Ford is working on a new line of cars. This is the first one... it's called the Walmartmobile.

Hey sweety, you remember our weddin'? I sure do, that Walmart is so special to me.

1: Your boots cover more of you then the entire rest of your outfit.
2: Your bra is supposed to go STRAIGHT across your back, not go up above your shoulder blades!

And on the other end of the spectrum we have somebody that just needs to wear a bra in general before a basketball player mistakes her cleavage as the hoop.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And welcome to Walmart.

~Walmart isn't mine... obviously.

Checking out faster at the grocery. Part 2

2010-11-04T22:56:00.000-04:00

I posted one of these a month back or so, here’s a continuation of it.

~ If you decide you don’t want something when at home do you just leave it laying around? No? Then pretend you’re home and don’t leave it at the end of the lane. Give it to the cashier and tell them “I don’t want it” or something to that nature. This goes triple if it’s a cold or frozen item. There’s nothing quite like finding a container of ice cream you stuck in the candy rack all nice and melted 3 hours later.

~You know those little plastic rectangles that are beside the belt? Those are dividers. They are there so that your items and the previous person’s items don’t get mixed up. USE THEM! Even if you’re stuff is way back put one up. As I said in the previous one of these, we can’t pay attention to everything and a lot of us just keep scanning until there are no items left or we hit one of the dividers.

~I know I mentioned watching your children in the last one of these I made. Allow me to expand on it. If you can’t control your loin spawn, LEAVE THEM HOME! There is a customer that comes in my store for example. Their child screams the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME they’re in the store. Telling (actually its usually yelling at) your child “No!” and “Put it back!” doesn’t work if you haven’t shown them the consequences for not listening! The employees bask in the silence for a couple seconds any time people like you leave the store!

Here, allow me to help. This has worked for a very long time and is a well known cure for unruly child. Place hand behind child’s buttocks. Move it back approx 4-5”. Accelerate it towards child’s buttocks quickly. This is called a “spanking”. It works wonders. Don’t administer it while you’re pissed off.

~Cell phones. Do I really need to go into cell phones? Evidently I do! Hang up your god damned phone when you’re checking out. Do you have any fucking idea how rude that is? I am supposed to talk to you. If I interrupt your amazingly important call too bad. Also, if I ask for your loyalty card, and you don’t respond after 2 times then I am going to assume you don’t have one. Rude? Probably. But look who’s calling the kettle black.

People like you make me wish I could still do what the policy was at the pizza place I used to work at. If you were in line, and talking on your phone… we’d skip over you until you were done.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And allow me to introduce my new product! The “cell phone blocker”! It’s a heavy piece of metal perfect for blocking the reception of a cell phone. Just slam it into the phone until it no longer has reception… or is in pieces. Whichever comes first. We at Gwen’s Psychotic Products are not responsible for injury from improper use of this product or flying cell phone pieces. Not to be used as a spanking device.

TWitN: 10/16/10-10/22/10

2010-10-25T18:12:00.000-04:00

This week in the news! Campbell’s Soup is receiving grief from US activists *cough bigots cough* over something they’re selling in Canada. A man in California has something interesting found when he takes his car in for a routine oil change… and now the FBI wants it back. And Mel Gibson’s trying to make a comeback by being in an upcoming film.

~Campbell’s Soup is receiving grief and a “grass-roots boycott” after releasing a line of soups in Canada that are certified as halal, or in other words prepared according to Islamic dietary laws. The halal soups have been in Canada since January… the xenophobic American’s didn’t catch up to it until earlier this month. First off I have to congratulate the American bloggers. It only took you 9 months to go “OMFG! CAMPBALLS IS MAKERING TERRERIST SOUPS!!!!!!” For a group of people that go out and try to find things that offend that stick that’s firmly shoved up they’re ass they really dropped the ball on this one.

Now that that’s out of the way how, the fuck, does this affect any of you dumbasses boycotting? Oh, that’s right, it DOESN’T! This is in Canada! It’s not in America, land of the free (ha!) and home of the bigoted. Campbell’s has made it very clear that it has no plans to release this line of soups in the US, probably because you’d get people that would try to bomb Campbell’s for this “horrible affront on freedom” or some shit like that.

Can somebody tell me what the difference in the principle between halal and kosher is aside from the religion? One is perfectly fine, and gets advertised without any issue (Buy Hebrew National hot dogs!), yet the other if it’s even mentioned you’d think people were promoting the idea of self-cannibalization.

~Yasir Afifi, a 20 year old man in San Francisco, took his car to a garage for a routine oil change… and ended up with the FBI knocking on his door demanding the GPS tracking device back that the mechanics found while changing his oil.

The guy is a computer salesman and a community college student and has no ties to any terrorist group that they can find, the only reason for the tracker being put on his car is that he has an Islamic sounding name… makes me wonder if the FBI is also bugging and putting trackers on everything Barack Obama rides in.

It makes me wonder. Can the FBI actually demand it back? And if so does Afifi have to give it back to them? It was installed onto his property… couldn’t that be considered a modification? And if so wouldn’t that make the tracker itself his property?

Fuck it, not talking on that one anymore.

~Mel Gibson is trying to make a comeback by being in an upcoming film! The film you ask? Why the movie is the amazing, the glorious, the oh so ironic, The Hangover 2. I think the premise of the movie is they’re going to film Mel Gibson for a few days in his daily life, get some fantastic footage of the crazy guy hung over edit it together and release it to theatres! Estimated cost of making the movie is $100,000 and all the booze that Mel wants during the filming of the movie. Watch after the credits role and you can see outtakes of Mel, drunk and screaming at the TV as he watches another one of his movies… The Passion of the Christ.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And pain is nature’s way of saying “don’t do that.” Pain killers are mankind’s way of saying “no, it’s ok, you can do that.” Notice that we don’t have anything to lessen a hangover yet?

*Blah blah, usual crap, satire/parody, if you are Mel Gibson, the FBI, or anybody else I happened to mention and you don’t like what I said then tough. Freedom of speech and I don’t own any of the stuff mentioned in this post.

TWitN: 10/09/10-10/15/10

2010-10-18T16:26:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am aware that I missed a week. So this is going to be the news over the last 2 weeks.

This week in the news! Bill O’Reilly was on The View and pissed off the hosts… go figure there. Something downright disturbing about McDonald’s food. There’s controversy over the design of the “ground zero” community center. A teenager from a high school in Ohio has committed suicide, wouldn’t be news except it’s the 4th one from that school in less then 2 years. And Captain Jack Sparrow visits a classroom in response to a fan letter.

~Bill O’Reilly (henceforth known as Billy) was on The View and managed to piss off the hosts so much they walked off the stage! I am not going to respond to what any parties involved said on the show though. It’s Billy… what the fuck did you expect! The guy is an extremist! Just look at his shows: “ridiculous” as an insult (congrats there btw…), cutting his caller’s mic whenever he’s losing a debate, such blatant extremism that extremist groups don’t even want him. If that wasn’t enough he can’t even pay attention to the importance of his own material! A few years back when Bush was in office he talked about a convention saying it was too festive with the war going on and the horror of some tsunami. If it was too trivial to be having during those big things why the hell was he reporting on it then?! Done… not talking about Billy the Kid anymore.

~McDonald’s food doesn’t degrade. A woman bought a McBurger and a McFry and left them on a plate for 6 months. 6 months later the food is hard as a rock and now looks plasticy but that’s it. Not even mold will grow on it! Excuse me but EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! This is why I don’t eat at McClown. I cook, I cook rather well actually. If I cooked up a burger and left it on a plate for a WEEK outside of a fridge it would be molding. Last I heard it was illegal to use embalming fluid in food…

~Big controversy over the released design for the “ground zero” community center! Personally I think it looks very nice.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20101005/pl_yblog_upshot/park51-renderings-released

People are saying that the honeycomb design has hidden meanings and blah blah. Everything has a hidden meaning. If you try hard enough you can find a hidden meaning in ANYTHING! Get over it! My only complaint about the proposed design is that the floor and ceiling design pulls some funky optical illusions on my eyes.

~ You know, I only have 2 things to say on this one. 4th teenager in 2 years commits suicide from bullying at a single school.

1. The school is insanely lucky that the kids just decided to end their own life instead of getting a gun and going the revenge route. See Columbine, Virginia school shooting, or the guy that worked at a metal factory and made a fucking sword to see what happens sometimes when you push people to the breaking point.

2. Teach your kids to deal with bullies!!!!!!!! Here, since you are too stupid to do it I’ll do it for you. You kick the bully’s ass! It doesn’t even matter if you win, as long as you put up a fight they won’t mess with you anymore because they want easy marks. Yes you’re child will get suspended, but I can almost guarantee that the bully will quit fucking with them. Usually I am not a violent person but in some cases violence is a good educator. Some people the only thing they understand is pain. You can talk all you want but until you see if you’re hand and their head can exist in the same place at the same time they won’t leave you the fuck alone. I read once about a guy that kept getting picked on at school. The bully decided to pick on him when he was having a bad day once… no the bully didn’t end up dead. The guy picked up a desk and hurled it at the bully, needless to say no bully ever messed with him again!

School isn’t like work. At work you can report that you’re being harassed. If it continues you sue for hostile work environment. It’s considered a standard (although generally last resort) way of getting the problem fixed. At school that doesn’t work! The biggest threat a school can give is suspension and the bully just goes “I didn’t want to be here anyways, alright!”

~Top story! And thank the gods it’s a good one. Johnny Depp visited a British school as Captain Jack Sparrow in response to a fan letter he received from a student there.

http://blog.movies.yahoo.com/blog/42-johnny-depp-surprises-british-classroom-with-visit-from-captain-jack-sparrow

This is why I like Johnny Depp and Lady Gaga. They appreciate and respect their fans! Far, far too many celebrities don’t want anything to do with their fans other then take their money. Depp was over there filming for Pirates 4, read the letter, and decided to go visit in costume and in character. That is something the girl will remember for the rest of her life. It makes me happy to see celebrities, who aren’t supposed to be role models but are often raised to that level, do something nice just because it would be nice.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m going to go try that McBurger experiment.

To the people coming here from Facebook

2010-10-08T14:47:00.000-04:00

I did not think I had any links to my blog on Facebook. Evidently I do... although to the best of my knowledge its not on MY Facebook. So if you are coming to my blog from a link on Facebook please leave me a comment here linking back to the page the link was on.

Thanks!

~Gwen

The Ruling Government (US)

2010-10-06T17:10:00.001-04:00

Here are a few little known facts about the people running the country, by that I mean the House and Senate. Over 50% of them have bankrupted a business before. Many have been caught with illegal drug use, including former president Bush Jr. with cocaine use (I personally see nothing wrong with people doing drugs… victimless crimes can go to hell, and no I’ve never done any drugs and I’d willingly take a drug test to prove I’m not on any). Many use their status to have representative immunity with various illegal acts that they do, most recent I remember is a speeding ticked… the guy was only going I think 80 in a 50mph zone.

What I would like to see is a presidential candidate that has actually LIVED like most Americans do! Most of the people running the government are rich and have never actually lived like the people they’re supposed to govern do. How, the FUCK, are you going to govern a populace when you have no idea how they live?! That’s like the US bombing a Middle Eastern country all to shit and then trying to rebuild their government without knowing anything about their actual culture… oh wait…

Anyways, I want to see a guy get up on the stand and go:

“I’ve been addicted to drugs, I’m off them now. I’ve survived 2 weeks on nothing but ramen noodles. I’ve been homeless. I’ve worked a shitty fast food job. I’ve worked retail, and am now a manager at Walmart. I want to be your president.”

That guy gets my vote! He gets my vote because he knows how 90% of Americans live! I don’t care if you made mistakes in your past (as long as they’re not horribly broken ones: rape, premeditated murder, etc) as long as you learn from them!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I will NEVER see a candidate like this.

Things I Like

2010-10-04T13:07:00.000-04:00

Here are a few links to blogs and comedians I like.

The 2 Sense Show, it used to be just an online audio show, now its video also. It’s also one of the things that first got me writing.

Skippy’s List, if you have not at least heard of Skippy’s List then WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!

Redhead Ranting, because I like her writing style and the topics she does.

ZOMGitsCriss and K-rina. Her Youtube page and blog. She makes damn good points and is still funny a lot of the time.

Angel Cakes, a blog a friend of mine owns. She makes damn close to professional looking cakes.

Angry White Dude. I do not always agree with this guy, but difference of opinion is a good thing!

And last GAY, a lesbian e-magazine. They post some very interesting articles.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And go give these people some comments!

TWitN: 9/25/10-10/1/10

2010-10-04T12:37:00.001-04:00

Yes, I know I’m a day late again. I’ve been working so much that my brain freaking shut down last night so yea… no post.

This week in the news! The UN is appointing somebody to be the first “space ambassador”, UN denies it. George Lucas is bound and determined to rape his previous works, again. This week was “banned book week”, banning books… wow we’re progressive. And finally… there might be Harry Potter 8, 9, and 10.

~Top story! And for those that haven’t figured it out, the “top story” is whatever I think is the stupidest. The United Nations (UN) is appointing the first “space ambassador”. The UN is denying it, and the original article does look like a parody to me honestly. But considering it’s the UN and all the stupid shit they do I’m willing to believe it’s true!

“Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity’s response if and when extraterrestrials make contact.”

First off, whoever thinks the aliens, if any ever do show up, are going to be friendly has never looked at our own history. What do we do when we find new land? We try to exterminate whatever sentient race is there already. You want the most modern example? Fine, the Native Americans. If aliens ever do show up they’re not going to go “Take me to your leader.” They’re going to just come down and wipe us out and take whatever they want. Then you have all the glorious alien (genre, not the Alien series) movies that show us beating the aliens. Not going to happen… not even if you have Will Smith to help. They can travel light years, would be so technologically advanced that we wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near them. They could probably twitch their eye and make us do the chicken dance just because it would amuse them! The other probable outcome is something I saw on Stargate SG-1. The aliens show up, cure all our diseases, double our lifespan, blah blah. And a nice little trick they add into the cure is it makes everybody sterile. Wait 150-200 years and “Wheeeeeee, we have a new planet! And we didn’t have to fight at all!”

~George Lucas wants to turn his Star Wars series into 3D. Personally I don’t see what the fascination for Lucas is to shit all over his previous works. The last time he did it he added CGI (computer generated images) to one of the 3 original movies… know what the outcome of that was? It looked fucking FAKE! You had all these models and mock ups and everything and let’s stick in some CGI shit and he must’ve gone “Wow doesn’t that look fake, eh leave it, the fanboys will eat it up no matter what I do.” Changing Jabba the Hutt (the only good edit in my opinion), adding the CGI, creating Jar-Jar Binks, adding Anakin to the end of the last movie when the ghosts are all glowy. Why keep messing with your work?!

I am not a fan of 3D personally. The biggest reason being I wear glasses. 3D glasses and real glasses you need to see do not interact well together. One of them has to be too far away for it to do its job properly and it just makes your eyes hurt. And if you look through them long enough, hell, lets say for like a Lord of the Rings movie then even people that don’t wear glasses have their eyes start to hurt.

~This week was banned book week. Why are books banned? Because you have fucking morons that go “I don’t like this so NOBODY should read it!” Fuck you all! Some of the banned books are: Fahrenheit 451 (a book on censorship), The Color Purple and Heather Has Two Mommies (books about homosexuality), and more.

No book should be banned, just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean nobody should be able to read it. I know of old people that start reading a book, are sickened by it, and then continue reading every single page of it and then try to get it banned! And show it to all their friends, who also try to get it banned! If something offends you quit reading it and let other people enjoy it damnit! The Harry Potter series is among some of the most challenged books on the list. Harry Potter! The series that got a ton of kids to start reading. Reading… you know that thing they weren’t doing before, and you morons are trying to ban the books because they do witchcraft. Trust me, if a few words of bad Latin could make it so you couldn’t talk I’d have pushed the mute button on you people a long time ago.

~ Speaking of Harry Potter! J. K. Rowlings is thinking about writing Harry Potter 8, 9, and 10. I love the Harry Potter series, they’re among my favorite books. But what the hell is she going to put into Harry Potter 8 through 10? The entire Harry Potter series was about Harry, Ron, and Hermione going through their years at Hogwarts and the inevitable climax battle between Harry and Voldemort. The series is over, the big bad is dead. Is she going to show Harry having marital issues? Is somebody new, and even more evil then Voldemort going to show up like what always happened in the Buffy series… and Anita Blake series… and Charmed, and Power Rangers, and Sailor Moon, and do I really need to keep going to show how utterly chiche it is? Oh! I know! Voldemort was a puppet and the true evil mastermind was Crookshanks!

Actually… I take that back… I want to see the Crookshanks idea play out.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I wonder if Rowlings is going to put in a sex scene for her now older and hopefully more mature reader base... OH HARRY! USE YOUR WAND! YES! YESSSSS!!!!!

Obama on Schools

2010-09-28T01:16:00.002-04:00

I was going to put this into the Twit News post… but this got far, far too long to add to that. So for you’re reading pleasure, or masochism, here’s my opinion on Obama’s newest release on the schools in the US.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20100927/us_yblog_upshot/obama-calls-for-longer-school-year

“President Obama said on the "Today" show Monday morning that American students attend school a month less than kids in other countries -- contending that the school-year gap puts them at a competitive disadvantage in the global economy.”

I won’t argue that a longer school year would help the kids in school because it probably would. His daughters also go to a private school because the public schools in Washington DC are utter shit (my words, not his). But I’m going to add my two cents on what else would help.

Here’s what else would help!

~Paying the teachers enough so that they don’t have to have a part time job with their students! You are going to high school, and you go every week because you’ll need your education to get a good job right? And then, at your part time job, after school, or on the weekends, or whenever, you get to work with your teacher who also works there… doing the same thing you do. Way to show an education is important!

~The school systems need to be completely, and entirely redesigned. I am usually not one for federally run anything, seeing at how pitifully they run things for the most part. But the education system I firmly believe needs to be federally run. Why? Lets say you live in Bumblefuck, Missouri. Your parents (and hence you) move to California. You are so far behind compared to the other students in your grade that you drop back one, possibly two grades! The system needs to be standardized so that no matter what state you live in you get the same education.

There is no reason that when you move from one part of the country to the other that you drop or jump one to two grades just by changing school districts!

And yes, as long as we’re making all the schools standardized I’d use the best schools in the country to make the standardization. And the kids would be moved to the appropriate grade. My apologies to the kids that drop back grades but it has to be done.

~I do not know if it is like this everywhere or just where I went to school in NC but you do not need 3 years of history! I remember you got to learn the state history all through one year of elementary school, again in middle school (junior high), and AGAIN in high school. Drop that down to part of a semester in elementary school and a full semester in high school and make the rest of it US history! Honestly if you’re doing the federally run school systems that should be the only difference between states.

Oh lookie, I learned about the Wright brothers in elementary school, and again in middle school… and again in high school… why?

~This is going to not be liked by a lot of people… but in high school have a “religious education” class. Not one teaching you a certain religion. The zealots would like that far too much, and it’s against the separation of church and state. No, a class to teach you about most of the religions out there; Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Wicca, Paganism, Voodoo, Atheism, Catholicism, etc. This is something done in several European countries and it does wonders for religious tolerance.

~Remove the “no child left behind” act Bush put into effect. Being able to hold a kid back one time in so many years does not help them. It just means they move on even if they don’t know the material they need to know for their next set of classes.

~And finally, put sex education back in school! And not this abstinence only bullshit that Bush pushed through. Teach them about condoms and birth control. Have them put condoms on bananas like they used to. Teach them about STDs and how a baby is made. They’re going to have sex whether you teach them about it or not, if you don’t it just means they’re going to do it the unsafe! And I can even give you proof on that! Look at the teenage pregnancies and STD rate since the abstinence only crap got put into effect. It’s more then doubled!

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And now I’m going to go teach your kids how to put a condom on a banana!

Door-to-Door Dumbasses

2010-09-27T14:36:00.000-04:00

I’ve dealt with the door-to-door dumbasses before, they call themselves different things, Jehova’s Witnesses, Christians, Mormons, etc etc... they’re all dumbasses though. Today I had a pair of them come to my door, usually I torment them in some way or give them some smart ass reply depending on what they’re opening line is. I am sorry in advance, I had been awake for less then an hour and I wasn’t on top of my game. Here’s the one they got:

DtDDs: Hello, we’re from . Have you heard the good news?

Me: Yes, you’re leaving.

DtDDs: *blank stare as the door closes*

When the god damned fucking hell are you dumbasses going to learn that we don’t need you doing this door to door shit, or the pamphlet crap. Nobody reads your little pamphlets, we just chuck them in the trash. Or if they’re as spiteful as I am they’ll rip them up right in front of you.

Christianity is the dominant religion in this country at an astounding approximate 82%, that means that 4 out of every 5 people are a Christian. In comparison Unaffiliated (including Agnostic and Atheist) make up about 11.5%, Judaism is at about 1.5%, Islam about 1%, Buddhism about .7%, Hinduism about .4%, and other (which includes Wicca, other Pagan religions and New Age religions) is at an ever growing 1.4%. And yes, I’m aware that only makes 98.6%, that’s why they all say approximate or about.

EVERYBODY in this country knows about Christianity. We don’t need you going door to door trying to convert us, we don’t need your stupid little pamphlets. If we wanted to be Christian we would be! I mean it wouldn’t be hard, there’s a church of some denomination on about every other street in any moderate sized town. I can drive downtown and I will pass at least 5 churches before I reach there, and I live in a town with about 17,000 people (2000 census). This is opposed to where I used to live, which has 200,000 people (again, 2000 census). There you had one on about every street!

And if you turn them down, and don’t close the door fast enough they revert to “You’re going to Hell and God doesn’t want you to go to Hell!

God wants you to save me from going to Hell for not believing in him. The same Hell that he created to punish me if I don’t believe in him. So if I don’t believe in him then I go to the Hell that he created to punish me for not believing in him and the only way not to go to Hell is to believe in him… kind of circular logic there isn’t it?!

That’s it, I’m done.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And would you like to join me at the Church of Slammed Doors?

TWitN: 9/18/10-9/24/10

2010-09-25T01:16:00.000-04:00

This week in the news! US dollars may get a re-design if one group has its way, the designs they’ve made are actually pretty damn cool. Some dumb Republican is getting in trouble for a comment she made over a decade ago on a TV show, it’s not quite what you’re thinking. And Katy Perry and Elmo will NOT be singing a song together on Sesame Street, poor, poor Elmo.

~The Dollar ReDe$ign Project has developed some new designs for the US dollar and have started a petition to get the US government to seriously consider the ideas and designs they’ve made. Their designs are all different sizes, all are different colors, updated pictures on them, and a vertical design (up and down) since that is how they’re usually handled. Personally I think this ROCKS! Different sizes means that the blind can more easily use them. The different colors I’m all for. The US has some of the most boring bills in the world. Add some damn color to them, and not little gold “10” or whatever… make them colorful and quit trying to give them “bling”. The vertical design is kind of cool, I don’t mind it, and considering how many bill accepting machines there are now it does kind of make sense. Here’s what the current ideas look like… and I like all of them EXCEPT the 1 dollar bill.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/201963/DOLLAR.jpg

I don’t think we should have ANY recent president on the dollars, no Bush, no Obama, Clinton maybe, but ONLY because he got the US to the highest national surplus we’ve ever had.

Enough on the dollar, lets move onto something more interesting.

~Some dumb bitch Republican is in trouble for “dabbling in witchcraft” over a decade ago. I was all ready to jump all over this story on them giving the woman shit (me defending a Republican… first time for everything) and being religious pricks until I got further down and read this:

“O'Donnell told Bill O'Reilly that scientists have created mice that possess human brains; she said on "Politically Incorrect" that she would not lie to Nazis if she was hiding Jews in her house; and she reportedly said that women should not be permitted entry to military service institutions. The left has also criticized her denunciation of masturbation.”

This woman is fucking crazy. Along with that she’s called condoms “anti-human”. You’re calling condoms fucking anti-human and you’re talking about giving Jews over to the Nazis if you were hiding them?!?!?! You need to be slapped! Preferably with a giant fucking condom!

Has anybody else noticed how downright insane some of the conservative Republican women are?! I mean damn, denouncing masturbation? Really, in today’s society? Excuse me but I’m going to go get my vibrator.

And saying that women shouldn’t be in the military. Yes, lets just give up all the hard earned rights we’ve earned through feminism why don’t we…

Congrats to you O’Donnell, maybe you want to pump out babies all the time (by the way did your last name used to be Duggar?) no masturbation, no condoms (I assume that means no birth control either since it’s the same damn thing as condoms!), but some of us prefer to not be freaking cattle.

Honestly there’s not much else I can say on this one.

~Top story! http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/a-line/sesame-street-pulls-controversial-katy-perry-duet/624

Elmo and Katy Perry will not be singing a toned down version of “Hot and Cold” together on Sesame Street. Not because the song is inappropriate, the altered version was just fine. But because Katy Perry is showing a little too much flesh. I wasn’t going to do this story, I try to stay away from celebrity shit and I’ve done a few too many lately for my liking. I decided to not for the actual article, but for some of the comments left on it.

“she is right in line with Lady Gag Gag. They both are pitiful role models." And others like it.

You know what, yes, she's a pitiful role model. Unlike Britney, oh, wait... Paris? Nope. Hell, how about Martha Stewart, oh damn I forgot about her jail time. When exactly WAS the last time we had a celebrity that was a good role model(male or female) again? Oh yea, NEVER! Cause last time I heard most celebrities are on drugs, sleep around, are cheating on their spouse, having dog fights *cough Vick cough*, are shooting people, or are just out and out assholes!!!! By comparison showing a little flesh isn’t all that bad is it? Speaking of flesh, you haven’t taken your child to a beach or a pool have you? Cause you know… bikinis show just a tad more…

I bet you listen to rap music, which glorifies all kinds of negative shit that I’m not getting into, but you’re complaining about a low cut dress.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And sunny day everyday! Boobs ok! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street! How to get to Perry's boobs! How to get to Sesame Street!

*I do not own Sesame Street or their song in any way, if you don’t know the difference between a parody and ownership of their work then please shove your head into a running wood chipper.*

Not a Michael Vick post

2010-09-22T13:19:00.001-04:00

You know, I was going to make a post on Michael Vick being put back into play in the NFL. Please note I said WAS. I’ve decided the sick, dog fighting bastard isn’t worth my time or blog space. You can go to probably a thousand other blogs if you want to read about the asshole. I’m sure there’s plenty out there about how good it is for the game that he’s back in the NFL, and others on how heinous it is that they let such a bad role model back in. Sorry, but my blog is going to be Dick free… oops, did I say Dick? I meant Vick, how clumsy of me to say what he is instead of his name…

So instead of the post I was going to make on that guy, here’s the URL for a woman on Youtube whom I’ve taken a liking to. She makes some really good points in her videos and is rather amusing.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ZOMGitsCriss

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And GET THE QUARTERBACK!!!!!!!

Chat Room Etiquette

2010-09-20T14:28:00.002-04:00

It’s downright amazing how many people just don’t understand chat room etiquette (or online at all for that matter). So to make you guys not so ignorant (STUPID) I made you up a handly little guide

~ If you use the word “noob” a ton, you yourself are generally the noob.

~ If the chat room is for adults then it means there’s adult content normally. This does not mean that since you’re “really mature for your age” Mr. 11 Year Old that it’s meant for you to join. Come back when you have at least hit the ‘teen years, teen… not tween.

~ If the room is GLBT friendly/safe/whatever then you will generally get automatically booted when you come in and go “God damn faggots!” or something to that nature.

~ Do not enter a room and the first or second thing you say is that you’re horny/any single ladies(ever notice they never look for men? Even if it’s a female saying it.)/you want sex etc etc. Best case scenario you get booted(assuming its not the Cyber Fuck Room), worst case scenario is it’s a 3D chat like IMVU and somebody in there is going to turn into a giant fucking humanoid spider and traumatize your poor little mind.

~ When you enter a room check to see who the mods are, it’s generally not a good idea to piss them off. For example going “Bitch, shut up!” to them can net you either a warning to watch your mouth or a boot out the door depending on their mood and what else you’ve said.

~ Try to use proper fucking English. Yes, we all know text speak, along with most of the online abbreviations, but there’s a big difference between “how r u” and some shit that wouldn’t make sense to me even drunk.

~ If you and your friend enter a room, stick to the language being spoken in the room. If it’s a private conversation, or you want to speak a different language go to a private chat. Google translate is just a mouse click away, and there is usually somebody in the room with enough spite *looks innocent* to start translating your stuff and posting it to the chat room… or just boot you.

~ Real world rules apply. If you start insulting everybody: boot. Trying to proselytize: boot. Being a creepy mother fucker: boot. If the giant fucking humanoid spider shows up and is mainly “flirting” with you: very big fucking boot.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And if I have to tell you one more god damn time to quit using the word “noob” I’m going to put my boot all up in your ass!

*100 bonus points if you know the movie part of that last line is from… bonus points have no value, fyi*

Pope appologies for sex abuse scandal...

2010-09-18T13:13:00.000-04:00

This one couldn’t wait until the Saturday Twit News post. Knowing my luck it’ll be the only good article this week, but oh well.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100918/ap_on_re_eu/eu_pope_britain

“During his U.K. visit, Benedict XVI says he is ashamed of priests' "unspeakable" sexual abuse of children.”

I’m going to keep this one short… if the Pope is ashamed of the priests’ sexual abuse of children then he, and the Vatican, can QUIT SUPPORTING THEM! The priests already have a rule where they can’t get married or they lose their priesthood, make another that says if you molest children you lose it too! Quit buying them the best lawyers, quit giving them back their jobs when they get out of jail, or, quite possibly the most sickening, when a scandal comes up they just move the priest to a new district that doesn’t know about his pedophilic tendencies.

They get charged with child molestation then suspend their priesthood until the government of the country they’re in finds them guilty or innocent. And if found guilty then take their priesthood from them! If found innocent, then by all means give it back, I’m not for punishing the innocent.

But it’s not like this is a new issue, the priests have been doing this long enough it’s actually become a card for other sex offenders… “…well… I was raped by a priest when I was a child…”

If the Catholic Church, the Vatican, and the Pope want to actually show how “ashamed” they are of the unspeakable sexual abuse of children then they need to purge their ranks of these child abusing monsters! Until then, actions speak louder then any words you say and by keeping them in your church you show silent approval of what they’re doing.

Now, before I get grief from any Catholics. I have Catholic friends; they’re very cool for the most part, we don’t always agree on religious stuff obviously, but we get along fine.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I say we bring back a proud Roman tradition and give the pedophile priests to the lions.

TWitN: 9/11/10-9/17/10

2010-09-18T00:07:00.000-04:00

Yes, this is a long one actually. It was going to be a really short one until yesterday when the news decided to go "Have some fun shit!!!"

This week in the news! A tiny cat village has over 660 cats, they’re so cute. Lady Gaga and John McCain have a media fight over Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. The Queen of England is having lunch with an insane criminal; I don’t write them I just report them. A teenager in NC (NC again? Why does all the interesting stuff happen there when I’m not there anymore?) is having legal issues with her “religious” nose piercing. And finally a woman sneaks into a MAXIMUM SECURITY JAIL to confront the felon believed to be linked to her missing daughter’s fate. How. The. Fuck.

~Caboodle Ranch in Madison County, Florida is home to over 600 abandoned and stray kitties! They are all kept up to date on their shots, and all are fixed so as to not create any more cats… which would quickly multiply into the thousands with so many cats living there otherwise. The ranch is set up like a cute little village. It has a city hall, Walmart (complete with cat food cans in the carts), streets, houses, etc etc. It was unintentionally founded by Craig Grant and is supported strictly on Craig’s out of pocket expenses and donations. The cats are not up for adoption. They all have a home at the ranch. Mr. Grant recommends going to an animal shelter to get find a pet cat if you want one… where they’re on death row. The ranch IS open to visitors, although you should remember it’s not a tourist attraction, he says he gets about 30 visitors a month or so. So everybody go visit the kitties and give him donations! His website is http://www.caboodleranch.com/ and there’s a Facebook also you can visit, but I’m not giving you a Facebook link.

~Lady Gaga and John McCain are going back and forth over the upcoming Senate vote to repeal the gloriously stupid Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (henceforth referred to as DADT) policy. McCain is threatening to filibuster at the Senate, for those that are ignorant to politics that’s where he doesn’t shut his trap long enough for them to vote. And Gaga is using Twitter to get her “Lil Monsters”, her pet name for her fans, to call up their Senators and tell them to get their asses to the Senate to vote! Why she wants them all to go vote is a Senate majority (60 out of the 100) can force the idiot trying to filibuster to shut the fuck up!

Now that that’s out of the way, I actually don’t mind DADT. There’s no real reason to be telling your sexual orientation unless you’re supposed to seduce somebody for a mission. When you’re serving in the military you’re working, you don’t tell you’re gay, and nobody can ask if you’re gay. Fine. Your sexual orientation has absolutely no place when you’re off in another country doing Goddess knows what for the military. That being said, I think that if it’s found out you’re gay that you get discharged is complete BULLSHIT! Oh, John there gets a stiffy over guys instead of girls… DEAL WITH IT! If you’re straight then he doesn’t want you, so why does it matter? What are you going to do when you get out of the military and work in civilian society? Gay people work the same places as straight people and they can’t be fired for it unlike in our oh so progressive military. You fire a guy because he’s gay and you’ll be visited by the ACLU stupid fast. This is the military, you’re all adults, grow the fuck up!

~The Queen of England is having lunch with an insane criminal… now… here’s the link.

Yes, that’s the insane criminal in the photo is the Pope. I don’t even have to touch this one really with all the protests happening in England. People are calling for him to be arrested for crimes against humanity, for an old thing he put out telling the church to cover up the priests “interaction with the young”, for his willing activity in the Nazi Youth when he was younger. So I’m not going to really touch this article. I will say this though. Why is it that Jesus supposedly always enters the body of somebody always so damn old? Every Pope I’ve ever seen elected (oh, yea, and who Jesus enters is evidently elected also!) is some old guy that looks like he’s about to fall over. If Jesus can enter the body of people why doesn’t he pick some 23 year old buff guy that’s going to live for more then a decade or 2? Personal theory is that they can’t elect a young Pope because he might have some progressive thoughts!

NEXT!

~ http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_rel_piercing_church Girl has a nose piercing, it violates the school dress code, blah blah, religion, blah blah, violates First Amendment, blah blah, Church of Body Modification… wha?

The Church of Body Modification? You’re kidding right? I did read over the site. And to me it sounds more like a way to get around business and school dress codes then a religion. It is true that various faiths have ritual body modification; the one that first comes to mind is a couple of ones I don’t know the names of that have ritual tattooing. Look it up yourself.

“The Church of Body Modification represents a collection of members practicing ancient and modern body modification rites. We believe these rites are essential to our spirituality. Practicing body modification and engaging in body manipulation rituals strengthen the bond between mind, body, and soul. By doing so, we ensure that we live as spiritually complete and healthy individuals.”

I call bullshit. The main reason I call bullshit is that other then them practicing ancient and modern body modification rites it doesn’t say a thing about what they believe! You could make anything a religion like that… how about drinking?!

“The Church of Alcoholism represents a collection of members practicing ancient and modern brewing methods and alcohol rites. We believe these rites are essential to our spirituality. Practicing brewing and engaging in alcohol rituals strengthen the bond between mind, body, and soul. By doing so, we ensure that we live as spiritually complete and healthy individuals.”

And yes, I can name a few religions that have alcohol rituals too… like oh, how about various forms of Christianity and Paganism. Christianity has where the wine is turned into Jesus’s blood and drunk from a communal cup. And Pagans have various ones, the most common is taking a sip out of a communal cup before rituals.

~The mother of missing American teen Natalee Holloway sneaked into a maximum security Peruvian jail and had a chat with Joran van der Sloot about her daughter's fate. Joran is in jail for murdering a woman, and is the main suspect in the disappearance of Holloway’s daughter. She snuck in with some documentary filmmaker who isn’t really worth mentioning and made it all the way to the guy’s cell and talked to him for 5 minutes before the staff found and removed her.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU SNEAK INTO A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON?!?!?!?!? You aren’t supposed to be able to sneak in or out of those places without setting off a few hundred alarms. You know if she snuck in that means people can sneak out! And I’ll bet you that the only reason they found and removed her (and probably the guy too) is because they were doing their scheduled rounds, turned the corner and went “OH FUCK ONE OF THE INMATES IS FREE!!!!!!!” The woman is lucky that she and the other dude didn’t just get turned into Swiss cheese! I seriously wonder how many people have escaped and had it covered up if her and some film maker without any special training managed to sneak in that far.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m going to get completely, and utterly ratassed at the Church of Alcoholism.

Random Ass Post

2010-09-14T00:43:00.001-04:00

Stuff that just happens in my life is not going to get posted on here much. Why? Because it’s generally not funny.

THE GODS OF LASAGNA ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!

I was in my damn kitchen, making a damn lasagna, and they tried to drop my kitchen’s damn light covering on my damn head!!!!! Damn… did I say damn enough? Damn-it I’m not sure.

They’re trying to kill me for blasphemy! I put feta cheese on the lasagna, so, in their divine VENGENCE they decided to drop a 5lb chunk of glass upon my head!

There was a pop! And then the light got brighter and THUD! And the Gods of the Unholy Lasagna missed!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU MISSED DO YOU HEAR ME!?

Oh damn… lasagna lightning… BOOM!

This has been Gwen, your damn pissed off, ranting redhead. And this post was brought to you by damn blunt force head trauma.

TWitN: 9/4/10-9/10/10

2010-09-12T15:13:00.000-04:00

This week in the news! A pastor in Florida plans to burn the Quran on September 11th (update, it’s been postponed). A US student tries to electrocute himself, evidently he didn’t try hard enough. Screaming children are BANNED from a restaurant in NC, WAHHHHHHHH!!!!! And Canada unveils a new speed bump, you gotta see it to believe it.

~Top story! A pastor in Gainesville, Florida was planning on hosting a Quran burning at his church on 9/11. “Was” being the key word, it’s been postponed due to political pressure, I’m still reporting it though. Come on, really? You’re going to make it this easy?! Is the pastor fucking stupid?! I think he’s drunk too much of Jesus’ blood. Remember a few years back when somebody made a comic that satirized Allah? The Muslim community in the Middle East went APE SHIT! You can’t do shit like this and not expect there to be repercussions! The Middle East is not the fucking US or Europe. They still have blasphemy laws.

In short, unless you want to add even more people to the ranks of the terrorist groups and have more of them trying to shoot at the soldiers we have over in the Middle East then DON’T FUCKING DO IT ASSHOLE! Or how about this... we can paint your religion in the same heavy handed paint brush you’re painting the Muslims with! All Christians are abortion doctor shooting, Quran burning, childing molesting, funeral protesting psychos. And, in protest, I am going to host a Bible burning on December 25th. Next story.

(Note: I’m not really hosting a Bible burning or believe the last line above… I’m proving a point.)

~“An American student whose heart stopped after he deliberately electrocuted himself in a science class is suing his teacher for not warning him it was dangerous.”

“Dubois and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not tell him and other students of the dangers of the demonstration power cords in their electrical trades class.”

The kid by the way is 18 and did it on a dare (he’d get a Mountain Dew for doing it…). You know, at 18, if you don’t know electricity will kill you then you need to shove a fork into an electric socket. It’s an electrical trades class!!!! Being in it to begin with means you are going to be working in some profession that deals with the electrical field! I sure as hell would never hire this kid if he doesn’t know electricity kind of hurts!

Oh, ahuck ahuck, I’ll get a free pop if I put these here 2 clamps on my nipples and turn it on? Swell! I get a free pop! Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-ZAP!!!!

And moving on.

~The Olde Salty restaurant in Carolina Beach, North Carolina has posted a new rule for its restaurant. “Screaming Children Will NOT Be Tolerated!” I am going to get a lot of flack for this, but I think it ROCKS! I think it needs to be put into effect in a few other places, like movie theaters.

Now, let me explain. On the one hand if you have a baby then when they’re crying it’s normally that they want food, sleep, a diaper change, or to be cuddled. And assuming you’re a good parent you’re going to try to get them to be quiet. I doubt that I or the restaurant would get on you about it if you’re trying to quiet them down. On the other hand if you have an older child that screams like a banshee because they’re not getting what they want then, or you’re just ignoring it then you need to be drug outside and beat until your 2 brain cells rub together.

I get this at work, there’s a person that always brings their 2 children along, 1 is a toddler, the other is probably preschool-kindergarten age. The older kid screams from the time she walks into the store to the time they leave! I know why the restaurant put this rule into effect… it’s because the other patrons don’t want to hear your hell spawn screaming their entire meal. There’s nothing like going to a nice sit down restaurant, paying $15+ a meal, before beverages and tip, and having some child screaming behind you the entire time. If you can’t control your child then either: go somewhere for kids where one more screaming child won’t matter, hire a babysitter, or stay the fuck home!

~And the final story. Canada unveils a new speed bump, an optical illusion of a child. This one needs to be seen to be believed…

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20100908/od_yblog_upshot/canada-unveils-new-speed-bump-optical-illusions-of-children

I am sure it will work, for a little while. After about the first month everybody is going to be used to it and drive over “Pavement Patty” without a second thought. Then this is going to happen.

Somebody is driving down the road. “Oh look, they put in another one of those painted speed bumps.” *THUMP THUMP* “OH MY GOD!!!! I RAN OVER A CHILD!!!!!!!!”

That is what is going to happen! You are conditioning people to run over children, in real life! This isn’t a video game, this isn’t on a TV screen, this is in real life! I hope guys get this thing removed before people start running people over without realizing they were real, and not some stupid 3D painting on the ground.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And now I’m waiting for GTA 37(or whatever number they’re up to) where all the speed bumps are painting of kids on the road.

TWitN: 8/28/10-9/3/10

2010-09-06T00:49:00.000-04:00

Ok, this is a little late, I’ve been busy. And there’s going to be a date change on these… from now on they’re going to be posted on Saturday.

This week in the news! A company is caught writing fake reviews for its customers, nice job idiots. Drake University has a new ad campaign; you’re going to love this. And you can bite me but I’m going to fangirl over the mystery article.

First off! “A high-profile public relations firm in the video game industry, Reverb Communications represents major clients like Harmonix and MTV Games, as well as their products, such as Rock Band. They also represent smaller studios that sell games through the iTunes Store.”

“According to the FTC, Reverb employees posed as regular users and posted fake user reviews about their clients' games on the iTunes store.”

I just want to say congrats to Reverb for their AMAZING show of trustworthiness. I mean after all… if you’re going to go that far to make sure your clients get good reviews you MUST be a fantastic company. And I’m sure all the games you faked reviews for are completely awesome. And for those too dense to pick up on the sarcasm the company is idiotic and should’ve known that they’d get caught! What were you thinking?! Did you go; “Oh look! This game sucks! Fuck it, lets fake some good reviews anyways.” Not that I get games from the iTunes store, but if I did I sure as hell would avoid any that were given reviews by this oh so crappy company.

Next story. Drake University has a new ad campaign to get people to come to their school… its called D+. “The Drake Advantage: Your potential + our opportunities” equals what? Does it equal a D+? Did your advertising department COMPLETELY fucking forget that a D+ is just above failing? Or did you guys train your advertising department yourself? You’d think that a university wouldn’t want to advertise ANYTHING they do as being a D+. You guys must be kind of low on the grading scale. I sure hope you don’t train medical staff there… it might be kind of scary if you’re having surgery from somebody that went to D+ University.

And now… I must fangirl. METROID OTHER M WAS RELEASED ON THE 31ST! I love the Metroid series, exploring everywhere, jumping around, some decent puzzles. Ridley is back as always, being the badass dragon thing that he is. The main character from the Metroid series is Samus Aran, and this installment of the series actually tells about her past, which up until this game fans have only gotten little pieces of. And, for the feminists out there, Samus Aran was the FIRST female video game hero(although you didn’t find that out in the first game until the end of the game when she was shown without her helmet).

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’ll bet you money the Reverb guys are graduates from D+ University.

Dream

2010-09-05T00:27:00.001-04:00

I had a dream last night…

Just a normal dream, not the one where I take over the planet, or turn all my enemies into Skittles and taste the rainbow… this was just a normal dream.

I made a sandwich and ate it… a pastrami sandwich if you really want to know.

Evidently… I went to bed hungry last night.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m FUCKING BORING! *throws hands up and walks away*

The Powerpuff Girls!

2010-09-02T16:18:00.000-04:00

I was playing my game the other day, just playing my game, Guild Wars, cause that’s what geeks with no money do instead of WoW. So anyways I was playing my game and a guild member starts talking about old cartoons. She went through a couple them and then said the opening line for the Powerpuff Girls. And THAT’S when I realized it!

"Sugar, and spice, and everything nice." That’s the line...

THE POWERPUFF GIRLS ARE MADE OF RUMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

Rum is nice! Rum is very nice! Rum and coke is even nicer!

That’s what the "Chemical X" is, its RUM!!!!!

It also explains some of their enemies. An overgrown monkey with a brain coming out his skull, a gang that is green, I think they even had an enemy made of snot.

You'd have to be drunk to hallucinate these things as enemies! And I blame the RUM!!!!

This has been Gwen, your very… very drunk, ranting redhead. And I'm gonna drink me a Powerpuff Girl. *hic*

Guide to using a Self Checkout

2010-08-29T03:34:00.001-04:00

Apparently people do not know how to use a self checkout. How this is possible is beyond me, it does have instructions on the screen, evidently you genui can’t read.

READ THE SCREEN AND LISTEN TO THE VOICE!!!! The screen and that nice little voice tell you exactly what to do. If its not letting you scan your items then read… you do know how to do that right? Or listen to the voice telling you what to do.

Both the scanner and the bagging area are scales; they’re sensitive to .01 lb changes. You can not scan when there is weight on the scanner, or when the weight on the bagging area is changing/wrong. Keep your delightful little screaming children off the bagging area if you don’t want to be here all day.

If you hit “Skip Bagging” don’t put the item in the bagging area. Skip bagging means you’re *gasp* not putting it in the bagging area… in other words its going back in your cart. If you hit skip bagging and then put it there anyways you get to wait for me to clear your weight difference in the bagging area.

Do you want to know how much your child weighs? No? Then keep them from sitting on the bagging area or I WILL offer to tell you.

My machines are not psychic… you have to tell them when you’re ready to pay and how you wish to pay… card, check, cash, or soul’s of the innocent.

Unless you’re old, handicapped, or I take a liking to you you’re scanning your own stuff. I’ll scan the big items for you so you don’t have to lift them and help with the produce numbers, but no matter how much you whine or glare you’re still checking out your own stuff if you come to the SELF CHECKOUT.

If you have 2 or more carts full go to a regular lane. You’re going to take a good 15 minutes checking out, get annoyed (because you’re not reading the screen/listening to the voice), and greatly increase the wait time of the other people I’m calling over to my 4 lanes.

I’m running 4 lanes at once; when we get busy I try to draw as many people to my lanes as possible to take the strain off the regular lanes. I’m good at keeping my lanes going. That being said if all 4 of the lanes decide they want my attention at the same time (coupons, errors, checks, check ID, take booze if it’s Sunday, dispense change, replace paper, chasing the neurotic monkeys away from the bananas, get the idea?) you may have to wait a minute before I can get to your particular issue.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And would you like to know how much your darling child weighs? 68.2 lbs.

TWitN: 8/20/10-8/27/10

2010-08-28T00:31:00.000-04:00

You know, sometimes the news just doesn’t cooperate. This week we had a rare tornado… and that’s about it that’s really worth talking about. Yes, I have you something else for you to read also. But nothing fantastic. God damn people need to be more interesting!!!!!

TOP STORY!!! An extremely rare fire tornado is caught on film in Brazil! Video plays after a commercial, and only shows the fire tornado for the first 10 seconds of it.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20100825/od_yblog_upshot/8128

Am I the only one that thinks it looks like it's from a Pokemon game? Usually I’d leave weather related events alone but it actually looks damn cool as long as you’re not in its path. And you better have known this was coming… CHARMANDER GO!!! FIRESPIN!!!

In other news! A woman has 3 crocodiles as pets and a husband. The husband sincerely hopes that he will not be fed to the crocodiles in the future. The crocodiles commented that they anxiously await yummy husband nom.

Yes, that’s it, nothing more to report! See you next week.

~Gwen

Fashion

2010-08-25T01:03:00.000-04:00

Let me be honest… I don’t know anything about fashion. The tree outside my living room knows more about fashion then I do. I wear what I like, not what’s “fashionable”. That said I am going to talk about a certain “fashion” I’ve seen recently.

I first started seeing it on guys about a month ago. The guys are in their 20s… the age where they’re highly prone to displaying their bodies any way possible if they’re muscled. I blew it off as another silly thing that guys do and that was it… That was until I started seeing women wearing the same fashion this week.

Oh, I forgot to mention the fashion. Take a tank top, cut the sides from armpit to about an inch from the bottom and there you go. Now toss it on a female body with nothing but a sports bra under it and you have the female version of the fashion.

Seriously… a bikini top in summer is acceptable. A top that shows enough cleavage that you’re a beacon for every eye in the room is a kind of slutty but ok. This just makes you look like white trash. If you walked around in nothing but a sports bra for a top it wouldn’t be half as trashy as this! At least then people would assume you were just working out.

Ok, ok, I know we can get away with wearing pretty much anything a guy can. But just as a lot of clothing is female specific some things, like this, are male specific! Even on males it looks stupid but it doesn’t look trashy.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I am not cutting up any of my tops so I can create an example picture for this post.

Bras

2010-08-24T16:28:00.000-04:00

I went to Meijers today, Meijers is a store like Walmart for those that don’t have them where you live. Why? I was shopping… and they had some sales I wanted to check out. And I saw this on one of their signs in the store: Playtex Women’s Boxed Bras $X.XX

This got me thinking, if they specify the bras are for women does that mean that Playtex makes bras for men? Or even that there are bras for men? I was not aware there were bras for men. And no, transgenders and crossdressers don’t count for that, they’re becoming female and playing female respectively so they count as women for this!

I mean seriously, is some guy going to go into a store, wander it for an hour before hitting lingerie and since it doesn’t say “women” on the sign go “Well it dun’t say women on it so it must be meant for me!!!!” and Billy-Bob wanders up to the checkout with his new bra.

Ok, in all seriousness I have seen guys with bigger boobs then I have, and could probably use a bra. Hell, I’ve seen guys with bigger boobs then Britney Spears had after her boob job. But guys don’t wear them! They make a habit of going around topless even when they're hairier then monkeys and can scar small children! So there is no reason to put “women’s” on a bra advertisement! It’s a given, like the government being corrupt and door to door Jehova Witnesses having door slammed in their faces.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead, and if you’ll excuse me I'm going to go watch Leo buy himself a bra… just because I find it funny.

TWitN: 8/13/10-8/19/10

2010-08-19T17:12:00.000-04:00

~This is a new little thing I’ve been thinking of doing for a while, I usually find a few news articles a week that I think are worth commenting on, but rarely have enough to say on them to bother making a post. So they’re all going to be going into one of these a week.

For those that do read this blog here is what you WON’T find in these: celebrity drama unless they do something worth talking about(Michael Vick’s dog fighting for example), sports crap, things on movies, and whatever else I think is crap.~

This week! Antibiotic resistant bacteria are invading the US, big surprise there. Teens are losing their hearing. And the Miss Universe pageant is going R-Rated, probably the only good news all week.

The contestants for the Miss Universe pageant did some body painting photos and *gasp* since quite a few of the countries they’re from are comfortable with nudity some of the photos are topless! OMFG! Naked breasts! With body paint on them! MY VIRGIN EYES ARE GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!! You know, for a country obsessed with sex we sure are anal about actually seeing a little flesh. Have you never seen yourself/gf/spouse naked? Grow up. *strips topless, flicks my bra at you, and moves onto the next story*

I’ve already covered this one in my previous post but I’ll do it again. Teens are showing minor hearing loss due to playing the music over their headphones too god damn loud. Wow! You put something IN your ear and blast it loud enough it can be heard in China and its going to damage your ears? Say wha? The only surprising thing is that they haven’t released this “study” sooner.

And the final story for this week! Bacteria from India that is resistant to almost every anti-biotic we know of has made its way to the US and UK. Personally I’d bet money that it originated from somebody from the UK/US that visited India, bred, and now has made its way back home to roost. I don’t know about you but its no surprise to me that some super-mega-uber bug has grown, when people go to the doctor to get drugs when they have a fucking cold instead of just letting the shit work its way out you’re going to end up with something nasty.

That’s all for this week. This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead and… oh, why not. BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS!!!!

Teens + Music = Hearing Loss?

2010-08-18T12:10:00.000-04:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_med_hearing_loss_teens

Have you guys seen this shit? Minor hearing loss in teens… who would’ve seen this one coming? Oh, that’s right, anybody with a fucking brain!

Oh my god! NOBODY could’ve seen this happening! Wow! You put something IN your ear and blast it loud enough it can be heard in China and its going to damage your ears? Say wha? Parents have been telling their kids this since there were walkmen! You play your music too loud and its going to hurt your hearing, and oh, look… they were right, AGAIN!

I like loud music, I really do. I play the music from my computer and in my car loud. I have a MP3 player too, but I don’t play it loud from my headphones!

Honestly there’s not a helluva lot more I can say on this one.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And my hearing is just fine… AND WHATS THAT BUZZING!!!!!

Checking out fast at the grocery store.

2010-08-05T14:19:00.000-04:00

Like I said in the last post, I work at a grocery store. What most people that don’t work register at a grocery store don’t know is that we get graded on how fast we get you through the lane. So it’s not just you that wants to get you through quickly, we want to also. So… for your benefit, here’s how to check out faster.

~ First and foremost, if the place has a “loyalty card”, such as Harris Teeter, Food Lion, Meijers, Krogers, etc etc. then know where the thing is and have it ready! If you have to search for the thing for 2 minutes after we finish scanning your items that means that’s another 2 minutes you, and everybody behind you, has to wait.

~ Most of your groceries are not fragile. You really don’t have to be super careful placing them on the belt. Unless they’re eggs, bread, chips, or anything else that you can easily squish/crunch you can pretty much just dump it on the belt. Because trust me, if the cashier is going to speed, the items more or less get scanned and just dumped onto the 2nd belt assuming they’re not breakable.

~ Some places allow you to just put one of an item on the belt and tell us how many you have if you’re getting a bunch. 2-liters of pop are a good example. If you’re getting 30 2-liters put one of each kind on the belt and tell me how many you have… you don’t want to pick them all up and put them on the belt, and I don’t want to scan every one of them.

~ Try to keep like items together. Cans, frozen goods, produce, etc. It may not get you checked out any faster, but it’ll mean that for the most part they’ll get bagged together so it’s easier to put away when you get home.

~ I can’t pay attention to everything. I am supposed to scan your items, chat with you, look for coupons, and make sure you don’t forget anything under your cart… all at the same time. If it ends up on my belt, I’m going to scan it. If you have small children, WATCH THEM! I am not responsible if your child drops a bunch of candy on the belt and you didn’t want it.

~ And finally if you don’t look at least 50 in my state I have to ID you for alcohol. If you don’t look at least 27 I have to card you for tobacco. If you don’t like it, complain to your government representatives. Honestly, I don’t like having to card 30-40 year olds for alcohol, but I will to not get in legal trouble and keep my job.

Sincerely,
~Gwen

Stank!

2010-08-04T14:32:00.000-04:00

I haven’t had much to bitch about lately… work is good, I love my new apartment, and in general life is pretty nice at the moment. Does that mean I won’t be writing any more rants? NOOOOOOOO!!!!! That just mean you people are going to try harder to give me something to write about evidently!

I work at a grocery store, what one I don’t feel like saying, as a cashier. Its fun, nothing like getting paid to flirt more or less. Unfortunately in the last week we’ve had some clients that need to have a biohazard sign hung on them! I’m serious, these people had an aura of STANK surrounding them that was so foul that the flies were getting high off them!

For those that don’t know there is a difference between “stink” and “stank”. Stink is “dude… you smell a little ripe.” Stank is “OMFG! I need the Constitutional right to spray you down with Lysol before I pass the fuck out!” Ok, here’s a hint to everybody out there. When you are at the grocery checkout and the cashier visibly takes a step back whenever they’re not handing you something that means you need to walk your cottage cheese smelling ass to the hygiene aisle and get some deodorant!

I had been of the assumption that the reason we had so many smelly people coming in was due to the weather… last week was hot enough to melt the fucking pavement after all. That and sometimes the larger members of society sweat more and smell more. I was just going to leave it at that but then yesterday rolled around! Yesterday was in the 70s, was nice… and we still had people like that coming in! The worst one was a woman only a little bit larger then me, and I’m freaking tiny.

Seriously people, you don’t need to be afraid of soap, it’s not going to hurt you.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead… and I’m going to go get a can of Lysol.

Solicitors

2010-05-22T12:27:00.000-04:00

Welcome everybody once again to my little corner of insanity. This particular lil rant was brought to you by me, the religious nuts, and the military recruiter that decided that decided a good friend was somebody he might convince to join up. Enjoy! :D

Ok, I consider myself a fairly reasonable person, but there are a few things that piss me off... racists, blue laws, a government so corrupt if it was fruit it would be a pile of rotten sludge, and people that try to sell me shit. I can't do a damn thing about most of that list... but I take great pleasure in tormenting the people that try to sell me random shit (except the Girl Scouts, cause they sell cookies :D).

Telemarketers! There’s nothing like a good telemarketer. I mean you only have TV, radio, billboards, newspapers, websites, movies, about every other medium I can think of and the slightly psychotic Amazon witch doctor down the street trying to sell you shit, why not add them calling you on the phone too?! They call you up, usually during dinner, or early enough that us nocturnal people are still zombie-like, and try to sell you stuff. Credit cards, time shares, vacations... doesn't really matter which since most intelligent people have the sense to just hang up on these spawn of Satan. Personally I say have some fun! Just about every phone has caller ID now, remember which numbers are the marketers and think up something insane. Be evil! Use your imagination! Let the sadism loose! Have them end up calling a murder scene... "I'm sorry but Mr/s. Smith is dead, this is the scene of a murder, can you stay on the line please..." and mess with them for a while. Or there’s always my personal favorite... "Thank you for calling the Satanic Ritual Helpline. If you are having trouble contacting Satan, press 1 now..." I have yet to have any nice little telemarketer stay on the line long enough to reach "press 1".

Evangelists (of any faith)! You know, its kind of pathetic that you can actually sell RELIGION! How one gets in touch with Deity has been reduced to people going around and trying to convert people. Them selling it isn't even what pisses me off, its how they go about doing it. I'll use Christianity as the example, but don't think for a second they're the only group that pulls this shit.
~"Become a (insert sect) or your going to Hell!"
~Handing out the little pamphlets that are a complete waste of time and paper.
~"Come to (insert church) and save your soul."
~Various Bible(or for other religions their holy book of choice) quotes they use to try and justify them pushing their beliefs on people of other religions

I could go on but why bother? None of their stuff works and just alienates their group even more. Here... try this, be respectful, don't tell us we're going to go to hell, don't sound like you just escaped from Arkum Asylum, and if the person isn't interested shut the hell up! And don’t print out a few thousand of those little pamphlets/books to give out. Any self respecting person is going to glance at it and ball it up in front of you, or (depending on how insulting they want to be) use it as a tissue and offer it back. You may not get them, but if you do the above you may convince somebody else that’s around that your place isn't half bad.

Ok, last one, I promise. Military recruiters! Everybody knows about the military, they know they can join up and make a decent wage. There are enough ads on TV channels aimed at my age group that it would be an impossibility for them not to know. So we don't need you guys going around to try to sell it to us! There are a number of things I have heard about various recruiters... lies, promises, and cheating on the tests to get people in. And to the military's credit they thrash the guy’s career when they find out, so out of respect I won't mention any particular case. But what recruiter in their right mind would think my friend Rick a good potential mark? The hair longer then most women's should be a clear indication that he's NOT a good target! And don't give me the crap about “serving your country”! There is more then one way to "serve your country"! Voting, is serving your country. Joining the military, is serving your country. Opening a business and contributing to the failing economy is serving your country. Not becoming a permanent leech on Social Services and having enough kids to fill a small country is serving your country!

And any combination of the above 3... telemarketers selling me religion, or telemarketers selling me the military, are the most evil of all things.

Ok guys, I'm out, I gotta go call the telemarketers and try to sell them a slightly used religious pamphlet.

~Gwen

Warning Labels

2010-05-17T23:04:00.000-04:00

I love warning labels. Actually, I just love how blatantly stupid warning labels are… and the incredible amount of stupidity that comes with them.

“Warning: Contains peanuts” on a jar of salted peanuts. I would certainly hope it contained peanuts! It’s kind of heavy for a jar of air.

“Warning: Contents hot” on a Styrofoam cup of hot coffee. Personally I would be kind of pissed if my hot coffee wasn’t hot.

“Warning: Electric shock. Do not operate while showering” on a blow drier. Wouldn’t that be kind of counter productive?

And the one that is inspiring this topic that I read last night... “Warning: Do not leave driver’s seat while cruise control is engaged.” in an RV owner’s manual. Evidently the guy that caused it to get added went to the back while the RV was still moving to get coffee…

I mean seriously… how dense do you have to be?! Those are just some that I remember. There are worse ones out there. And all these stupid labels come about because people get hurt and sue (and win…) because they were too stupid to use common sense. Personally I think they got what they deserved! Yes, the jar of peanuts contains peanuts, the Styrofoam coffee cup has hot coffee in it and is easily crushed, the blow drier will fry your ass if you put it in water, and the RV is not going to turn itself!

Seriously… warning labels should be for things you wouldn’t expect. Engine may overheat/explode if driven over 100 mph, dog food may spontaneously combust if gotten wet and left to rot, taking this drug may give you an urge to gamble(don’t remember the drug, but was for restless leg syndrome)!

People like this…

are NOT cause for a warning label! They are what is called natural selection.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead, and I blame you for my warning label… “Warning: Contains insanity”.

First Post

2010-05-17T22:21:00.000-04:00

Ah, the first post... I guarantee this will be my worst one. A lot of the postings are going to be re-postings from a previous blog I'm closing out. I only write when my muse speaks to me... or when I'm pissed off.

Most of them are funny, or at least the people that read them thought so. So without further ado I'll go post the first one.

~Gwen