Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Celebrity Bullshit

I know, I know. I said I wouldn’t (or would very rarely) cover celebrity bullshit. Tell them to quit giving me such fucking easy ammo.

Justin Beiber is in the news this week after his debut on CSI with one of the regular actors on there calling him a brat. Really? A brat? You don’t say. It couldn’t possibly be that he’s following in the footsteps of most of the other child singers is it? I mean Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, and all the others have grown up to be perfectly stable individuals. Yea right. The only child/teen singer that I’ve heard any actual respectable conduct from is Taylor Swift… and you’ll notice she’s a country singer instead of a pop singer. Not that I think that has anything to do with it but its an interesting coincidence.

Anyways, Marg Helgenberger called Beiber a brat, on TV. Evidently the kid locked a producer in a closet and “put his fist through a cake that was on the craft service table”. Admittedly they both had it coming though. The producer was performing the unforgivable sin of telling Beiber what he needed to do *gasp* the horror! And the cake evidently made a crack about Beiber’s mother… something about her fucking a broken accordion to conceive him or something like that. Obviously both were well justified and the appropriate response to the situation and Helgenberger is just being mean to a kind and talented singer… and if I don’t stop that I’m going to form a sarcasm black hole.

*Puts on a 10/6 Mad Hatter hat* CHANGE PLACE!!!!

Paris Hilton has opened up one of her houses for rent. A 3,000 square foot house in the Hollywood Hills. Yes, THE Hollywood Hills. The Hollywood Hills that it is mandatory for all new celebrities, or people with too much money and a desire to have no privacy, must own a house in. This lovely sack of overpriced shit can be yours for the low, low price of $20,000 a month! Oh my god, only $20k a month?! Where do I sign up?!

The house includes a larger-than-life portrait of the socialite (ever notice that they always use socialite? Never actress, or celebrity, it’s always socialite. I think socialite is code for no talent.), a bedroom that is pink enough to even make me cringe, and I like pink... and evidently a pole somewhere for entertaining. I am not making that up, it actually says that in the article!

“The star's home is full of family photos and high-end finishes. And yes, there's a pole for entertaining.”

Besides the fact that you can rent her house, you get to sleep in her bed and from how the article sounds some of her wardrobe is there. Disclaimer: neither the realtor nor the “socialite” is responsible for anything you might catch from sleeping in the bed or wearing the clothes… take that as you will!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And Justin Beiber is probably going to rent Hilton’s house… he wants to try on the clothes.

PS: All the Beiber fans. FLAME ME! Please, leave me lots of comments. I’ll even leave them up to laugh at. You’ll up my traffic and get me some more intelligent readers.