I don't know what to say...

You know, I sat on this particular article for a week thinking of how to properly respond to it. It was too important to make the Twit News… and the fact that I have kind of been neglecting the Twit News due to real life things. The article in question is this

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2010/11/26/us-judge-says-lesbians-can-be-cured-by-male-soldiers/

Make sure you read through it, it’s only about a page on Microsoft Word.

My very first thought was… unprintable, even for me. No, that’s not a threat, nor is it a command for my lovely little minions to go do anything to him. You all know exactly who you are. It was just my first thought… then I thought of something better.

Now Judge Rapist, oh, sorry Judge Joe Rehyansky is openly advocating the “corrective” rape of lesbians because in his insane line of thinking after they’re raped enough they’ll become straight. Personally it would just make me want to stake you to the ground with honey on your dick next to a fire ant hill, but that’s just me. But Judge Rapist thinks that it’s a good way to “cure” lesbians of liking women.

Well then! If that’s a good way to convert lesbians to being straight then it sounds like a good way to turn straight men gay! Lets get together some of the biggest bears from the gay community and have them ass rape you until you turn gay. By your own line of thinking it WILL work, so they get to continue pounding your ass until you want the dick!

I know what the issue is, this pathetic excuse of a judge got turned down too many times by lesbians and now he’s bitter. His military record, being a judge, and his manhood (probably all 1 ½ inches of it) couldn’t sway the lesbians he found hot into his bed so now he wants to force them. Here Judge Shrinkydink. I’ll buy you a strap on, maybe it’ll help with your little dick complex!

This judge needs to have his robes taken from him and any rape cases that came before him re-evaluated. Anybody that thinks like that, much less openly advocates it in a public forum, does not need to be making decisions about other people’s lives.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh… come here big boy, you’ll do nicely. I have JUST the guy you should meet.


~I do not advocate ass raping this piss poor judge, nor staking him down with honey on his dick. I DO advocate firing him and bringing him up on possible charges though.

Fashion 2

I wrote something on fashion when I first started this blog, my knowledge on fashion has not exactly changed much in 3 months. But I feel the need to comment on a couple of the “fashions” I’ve seen recently.

~Comfort pants: Call them whatever the hell you want, but they look like fucking pajama bottoms. Did you just roll out of bed? Obviously not since your top half is dressed decently. Are you pregnant? It would be understandable if you were wearing them while pregnant, baby belly is no where near comfortable. But you’re only a little bigger then me… and male. I put this one in the same category as wearing pants so baggy they’re falling off you… pure stupid and fucking lazy.

~The “Snooki Poof”: This one originated from Jersey Shores (or whatever show she’s on, I can’t be bothered to look it up) on, duh, Snooki. The producers must have been laughing themselves shitless when they thought up this hairdo… and then done that anime question mark above the head when women started copying it! If you don’t know what I’m talking about its this

Oh, I’m a tumor, I’m a tumor. I’mmmmmm a tumor, I’m a tumor! Seriously! The first time I saw it I thought “That poor woman” because I thought she had a decidedly large tumor! And then I saw more women with it and realized it was a terribly bad hairstyle. You people seriously look like you have a giant fucking brain tumor! What is in that thing?! A tennis ball? A pop can? Oh! I know! It’s a bendable dildo!

Ok, I’m done! This shit is making my brain hurt. Hopefully I’m not developing a Snooki tumor, er, pouf.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh god, there’s a woman with a Snooki pouf and pajama pants on…

Marriage

I got thinking today, about marriage. I like the whole white dress thing, I wouldn't want to be married in a church. I'm a Pagan, not a Christian, and would like to be married somewhere meaningful to me. Somewhere full of nature. Botanical gardens might be nice...

Anyways, I digress.

Can I copyright marriage? I mean you can copyright anything now. I think a few years back Microsoft copyrighted the double-click. It would be one hell of a way to make money. I charge a $2 royalty from any institution that marries a couple. I could be rich in a month!

There were about 2.1 million marriages in the US in 2009. So, in short... I am going to copyright marriage so all of you people can make me a millionaire in a years time.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And do you promise to give Gwen $2? I do.

People at Walmart

A friend of mine showed me a site called People of Walmart. You do not know the horror that she has unleashed upon you. Ohhhhh, you KNOW this is going to be inappropriate.

I love Flounder... but your  anime convention is in another Walmart.

As long as we're making Mario references... 
Hey Toad! Is the princess at the anime convention?

Shopping carts now come with a baby airbag... only at Walmart.

The only "girl" I have is my car... I was wondering who dented the exhaust pipe.

Mickey!

Who knew the Predator had children that looked human? Kids going to be traumatized.

Are you trying to imply your dick is so big it can't fit in your pants? Or did you just suddenly lose a lot of weight in 10 seconds? Or are you just too dumb to know how to use that belt?

I hear Ford is working on a new line of cars. This is the first one... it's called the Walmartmobile.

Hey sweety, you remember our weddin'? I sure do, that Walmart is so special to me.

1: Your boots cover more of you then the entire rest of your outfit. 
2: Your bra is supposed to go STRAIGHT across your back, not go up above your shoulder blades!

And on the other end of the spectrum we have somebody that just needs to wear a bra in general before a basketball player mistakes her cleavage as the hoop.


This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And welcome to Walmart.



~Walmart isn't mine... obviously.

Checking out faster at the grocery. Part 2

I posted one of these a month back or so, here’s a continuation of it.

~ If you decide you don’t want something when at home do you just leave it laying around? No? Then pretend you’re home and don’t leave it at the end of the lane. Give it to the cashier and tell them “I don’t want it” or something to that nature. This goes triple if it’s a cold or frozen item. There’s nothing quite like finding a container of ice cream you stuck in the candy rack all nice and melted 3 hours later.

~You know those little plastic rectangles that are beside the belt? Those are dividers. They are there so that your items and the previous person’s items don’t get mixed up. USE THEM! Even if you’re stuff is way back put one up. As I said in the previous one of these, we can’t pay attention to everything and a lot of us just keep scanning until there are no items left or we hit one of the dividers.

~I know I mentioned watching your children in the last one of these I made. Allow me to expand on it. If you can’t control your loin spawn, LEAVE THEM HOME! There is a customer that comes in my store for example. Their child screams the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME they’re in the store. Telling (actually its usually yelling at) your child “No!” and “Put it back!” doesn’t work if you haven’t shown them the consequences for not listening! The employees bask in the silence for a couple seconds any time people like you leave the store!

Here, allow me to help. This has worked for a very long time and is a well known cure for unruly child. Place hand behind child’s buttocks. Move it back approx 4-5”. Accelerate it towards child’s buttocks quickly. This is called a “spanking”. It works wonders. Don’t administer it while you’re pissed off.

~Cell phones. Do I really need to go into cell phones? Evidently I do! Hang up your god damned phone when you’re checking out. Do you have any fucking idea how rude that is? I am supposed to talk to you. If I interrupt your amazingly important call too bad. Also, if I ask for your loyalty card, and you don’t respond after 2 times then I am going to assume you don’t have one. Rude? Probably. But look who’s calling the kettle black.

People like you make me wish I could still do what the policy was at the pizza place I used to work at. If you were in line, and talking on your phone… we’d skip over you until you were done.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And allow me to introduce my new product! The “cell phone blocker”! It’s a heavy piece of metal perfect for blocking the reception of a cell phone. Just slam it into the phone until it no longer has reception… or is in pieces. Whichever comes first. We at Gwen’s Psychotic Products are not responsible for injury from improper use of this product or flying cell phone pieces. Not to be used as a spanking device.