Saturday, December 31, 2011

Welcome to 2012

Turning turning turning. The wheel has turned and the year has passed. Good and bad things happened. Friends were made and friends were lost (not dead).

The year is done and gone. To all I wish a good new year. For those interested I have a personal resolution I shall keep to myself, the other is I am going to be posting more often. At least once a week.

Now if you will excuse me I am going to end the year the same way I started it… completely and totally ratassed.


Saturday, October 29, 2011


Ok, I know the people that like reading my stuff have been disappointed lately. I hit a slump. Well guess what… you guys want a rant, you’re getting a fucking rant.

I walk to work everyday, it’s literally across the street from where I live, we’re talking a 3 minute walk assuming no traffic. It also means I get to come home for lunch. I always check before crossing the street. Why? Because the “right of way” is BULLSHIT. Having the right of way doesn’t mean shit if you get hit by a fucking car now does it?! They’re bigger, you’re wrong. The car is right by virtue of mass. Yea if they hit you they’re in the wrong, but it doesn’t really matter to you of you’re dead now does it!

So… I check the street, cars down both ways far enough I can get across no problem. I start running across as I’m close to when I need to clock back in from lunch. Turn to my left… and there’s a car… about 6 feet away from me. I ran like a bat out of hell to get out of the way. And he roared through where I had been about a half second later.

I checked the fucking street, there was NOTHING! Get me? Nada, zip, zilch, we’re talking a number equal to the odds of Katy Perry walking into where you work and asking you out! This ass muncher turned onto the street, didn’t look where the fuck he was going, and almost ran my mother fucking ass down!

I did get a glimpse of the fuck head, he was on a god damn cell phone… which, by the way, would have been shoved up his ass so far he could dial it with his colon if he had stopped to yell at me. He’s lucky I didn’t get a better look at him or ethics be damned I’d curse his ass. I’d make his god damn balls fall off, by the time I was done it would look like he had an advanced case of leprosy!

This has been Gwen. Your very pissed off, ranting redhead. And ..|.. to the bastard!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

TWitN: 10/9/11-10/15/11

God damn people have given me some interesting shit to write about this week! This week in the news! A family calls the cops… because they can’t find their way out of a corn maze, bank robber foiled because his hand writing sucks, and a “superhero” is arrested for assault.

~ A family gets lost in a corn maze and calls the cops to save them. Ok… seriously, how much of a fucking wimp do you have to be to call the cops because you can’t find your way out of a corn maze?!?! This wasn’t even a haunted maze, it was just a normal one. No monsters, no scary sounds, just corn pathways. It is not that hard to find your way out… head a direction, keep walking, always turn either right or left (pick one and keep doing that one only) until you’re out. Or if that is too hard for you, hold hands and walk through the corn in one direction until you walk out of the field.

Hell with it, next story.

~ This one is pure gold. A bank robber writes down what he wants he teller to do, goes into a bank, gives her the note… and then is denied because its illegible! Yes, it sounds like something out of a movie, and actually it is. Somebody copied “Take the Money and Run”. Ok, guy… I’ll give you points for the ummmmm, audacity to try to rob a bank, I’ll even give you points for imitating a movie. But why by Poseidon’s blue balls would you copy the part of the movie heist that failed?!?! Here’s a free hint for next time! If your handwriting is that bad, type it out instead!

And onto my favorite for a long time to come.

~ This week’s top story!!!! Seattle “superhero” arrested for assault!!!! You know, there’s a few things I NEVER expected to be able to write up, and “superhero arrested” was really damn high on that list! I do love when people give me new things to write on.

The guy tried to break up a fight… that wasn’t a fight, and had the people he was “saving” turn on him because he pepper sprayed them.

Evidently Phoenix Jones, lovely name there by the way, has a group of “superheros” that are bound and determined to get shot. Oops, said that wrong. That tries to fight crime with costumes, a geeky guy in glasses, and the power of pepper spray! I can see the back story now. Pissed off taxi driver pepper sprays him, but the pepper spray has been infected with uhhhh radiation, and it turns him into Phoenix Jones!!!! Okay, sue me, creating a back story for a “superhero” who’s only power is to look like a Mortal Kombat knockoff with pepper spray is a little hard. And actually… I go back to my previous statement, bound and determined to get shot.

This guy and his team read a few too many comic books as kids. Masked vigilantes don’t work outside of comics because *gasp* you’re only going to prepared to handle minor domestic disturbances and the occasional fight that doesn’t involve weapons. The law isn’t on your side, at all if you do this, and anything bigger then the above is going to get you shot!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And…

“I am Ba…”


Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I am a gamer. I like video games… they’re fun, bright and colorful (if you’re not playing some military FPS thing…), and they keep me entertained… oh, and for all you males… there are tits too. Along with that I read a lot, play music (or more specifically teaching myself to play a piano/keyboard), write (obviously), do nature photography, and a whole list of other things whenever the mood strikes me. But if you asked I’d say I’m a gamer.

I have a competitive streak. Do I like to win? Of course I do, anybody that has a competitive streak does, but it’s not the underlying reason I like to play. I like the challenge. If I’m playing against somebody else winning doesn’t mean anything to me if you don’t put up a fight. I like the challenge more then winning. That brings me to the point of this little article…

I played a flash game the other day called Scuba. I was bored, it looked interesting. I actually played it twice because I forgot to take a screen shot of the high scores.

I had a time of 23:45, that’s minutes and seconds. I was expecting to have a time closer to 30 minutes the second time around, so I did pretty good. Yea… until you see the high scores.


I call the first 3 complete and utter BULLSHIT! I’d even be willing to guess that 4-6 are BS also but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. The first 3 are cheating outright!

A lot of people cheat, game genie and gameshark were designed for games specifically so you could cheat! But then you’re not posting your scores for everybody to see either!

I honestly don’t give a flying fuck if you cheat, a ton of people do it, the first 20 entries on the score are probably people cheating, the difference is they’re doing it believably!

You made your score 2 seconds! Are you trying to prove how big and bad you are? Cause we all know you are the All Mighty and can do things physically impossible. It’s really not that impressive anymore. Perhaps you could make some furries instead, at least that would be interesting to watch. Are you trying to compensate for something? You’re doing it a little too much hun… cause uhhhhh, making your score that good just makes it look like you need a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers to go to the bathroom!!!!

You’re one of those idiots that want to win, just to win, and you don’t care what you have to do to finish first. Good thing it’s just a video game and not a race or we might see you whipping out a gun and killing everybody ahead of you. You’d win with everybody running away screaming in horror as you cross the finish line covered in your deceased opponent’s blood. And, as the cops take you away, you could go “Yea… I killed them, but I won!”

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, non-cheating redhead. And I’m gonna find these guys a pair of tweezers.

Friday, July 15, 2011

TWitN: 7/10/11-7/16/11

God DAMN have I been away a while! Sorry about that, life just likes to keep me busy. And for the first post in 2 months we haveeeeeee… TWIT NEWS!!!!!!

This week in the news! Should parents lose custody of their kids if the kids are fat? Some Republicans want to create the 51st state, and finally a restaurant bans kids under 6 from eating there! Yes… it’s kid week folks.

~Should children (mostly teens) be removed from their parent’s custody if they’re “obese”? Note that by “removed from their custody” they mean put them in foster care. Now maybe I’m a little odd about this but HOLY FUCK NO!!!!! Are you fucking brain dead?! Ask anybody that’s actually been in the foster care system what it’s like. Actually, go ask a whole lot. Now tell me how many damn horror stories you hear. You’re going to remove a kid from a loving family, and put them into the 7th level of hell that is the foster care system because they’re FAT?! You can fucking eat me! How about you actually look for people that abuse their kids instead of trying to escalate this inane drivel that is the “war on fat”.

Yes, people are fatter now then they used to be. It’s because we have a more sedentary lifestyle and because the food companies screwed us like a $2 whore with their food pyramid for a couple generations. Look it up, the food pyramid created a diet for people we’ve never had before (and didn’t need) and oh wow, caused bad effects! Just because the kids too are fatter does not mean they should be thrown to the hounds to justify your “everybody must be thin” boner! Next story.

~Some Republicans want to get 13 southern California counties to secede from the US and become the 51st state. First off, it’s a joke of an idea because it’s not going to happen. I can tell you why they want it to though. California is very much a Democrat state, the 13 counties in question are far more Republican. They want to be able to make their own state laws, and not be under the rule of them gosh darned Democrats! Oh, and they want to name the new state “South California”. Honestly, not a whole lot I can say on this one.

~Restaurant BANS children under 6! First off, I’m going to get a lot of flack about this, but I am all for this. I am at a nice "upscale, casual and quiet" restaurant, enjoying my night, and then a family walks in with a young child. They sit down 3 tables over from me and for the entire rest of my meal, and every other person’s in the restaurant, I get to listen to your loin spawn scream.

No, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact I think it needs to be expanded to other places, like movie theaters. Leave the kid with a baby sitter or friend. There are plenty of kid friendly restaurants, ones that are meant for kids, go there.

By the way, I like kids, I also happen to think if you can’t control your kids, or they’re so young they’re going to be screaming through the entire shopping trip/meal/movie, that you need to take them to a kid friendly restaurant/some place else!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. An I’m going to get hate mail for this one.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Celebrity Bullshit

I know, I know. I said I wouldn’t (or would very rarely) cover celebrity bullshit. Tell them to quit giving me such fucking easy ammo.

Justin Beiber is in the news this week after his debut on CSI with one of the regular actors on there calling him a brat. Really? A brat? You don’t say. It couldn’t possibly be that he’s following in the footsteps of most of the other child singers is it? I mean Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, and all the others have grown up to be perfectly stable individuals. Yea right. The only child/teen singer that I’ve heard any actual respectable conduct from is Taylor Swift… and you’ll notice she’s a country singer instead of a pop singer. Not that I think that has anything to do with it but its an interesting coincidence.

Anyways, Marg Helgenberger called Beiber a brat, on TV. Evidently the kid locked a producer in a closet and “put his fist through a cake that was on the craft service table”. Admittedly they both had it coming though. The producer was performing the unforgivable sin of telling Beiber what he needed to do *gasp* the horror! And the cake evidently made a crack about Beiber’s mother… something about her fucking a broken accordion to conceive him or something like that. Obviously both were well justified and the appropriate response to the situation and Helgenberger is just being mean to a kind and talented singer… and if I don’t stop that I’m going to form a sarcasm black hole.

*Puts on a 10/6 Mad Hatter hat* CHANGE PLACE!!!!

Paris Hilton has opened up one of her houses for rent. A 3,000 square foot house in the Hollywood Hills. Yes, THE Hollywood Hills. The Hollywood Hills that it is mandatory for all new celebrities, or people with too much money and a desire to have no privacy, must own a house in. This lovely sack of overpriced shit can be yours for the low, low price of $20,000 a month! Oh my god, only $20k a month?! Where do I sign up?!

The house includes a larger-than-life portrait of the socialite (ever notice that they always use socialite? Never actress, or celebrity, it’s always socialite. I think socialite is code for no talent.), a bedroom that is pink enough to even make me cringe, and I like pink... and evidently a pole somewhere for entertaining. I am not making that up, it actually says that in the article!

“The star's home is full of family photos and high-end finishes. And yes, there's a pole for entertaining.”

Besides the fact that you can rent her house, you get to sleep in her bed and from how the article sounds some of her wardrobe is there. Disclaimer: neither the realtor nor the “socialite” is responsible for anything you might catch from sleeping in the bed or wearing the clothes… take that as you will!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And Justin Beiber is probably going to rent Hilton’s house… he wants to try on the clothes.

PS: All the Beiber fans. FLAME ME! Please, leave me lots of comments. I’ll even leave them up to laugh at. You’ll up my traffic and get me some more intelligent readers.

Saturday, April 30, 2011


Is anybody else tired of that fucking term yet? Oh! It’s a “superfood”, its new and fantastic for you! FUCK YOU! It’s the same god damn thing that you’ve been eating but got a hip new name to get you morons who believe everything you read/hear and think you can sit on your ass and lose weight if you take enough pills.

By the way, try our limited time offer! For the low, low price of your soul and enough money to fund a small 3rd world country you can purchase the Quick Trim system! As made famous by Kim Kardashian and her less popular sisters! Just 18 easy payments of $49.99! Get yours today!

Hey look I’ve gone corporate.

Here, let’s look at what wikipedia says about superfoods:

Superfood is a term sometimes used to describe food with high phytonutrient content that may confer health benefits as a result. For example, blueberries are often considered a superfood (or superfruit) because they contain significant amounts of antioxidants, anthocyanins, vitamin C, manganese, and dietary fiber.

The term is not in common currency amongst dieticians and nutritional scientists, many of whom dispute the claims made that consuming particular foodstuffs can have a health benefit. There is no legal definition of the term and it has been alleged that this has led to it being over-used as a marketing tool.

Hmmmmm “no legal definition of the term” seems to be the key word. So that means you could call ANYTHING a superfood, right? Right?! Chicken and gravy? Superfood. McDonalds mcburger? Superfood. Justin Beiber? Crappy singer, but still a superfood.

*switches to stereotypical gay voice* You know what superfood makes me think of? It makes me think of GAY!!! It's superrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

How about we quit with the crappy terms and just say what it might be? The foods you’ve known for-fucking-ever are good for you are *GASP* good for you!!!! It doesn’t matter if your muffins have “superfood” blueberries or regular ones in it, it’s the same damn thing with a $3 markup for the “superfood” one.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And buy my superfood fudge rounds, only $19.99 a box and you’ll swear they taste healthier then the other ones.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I miss cartoons. Yes, I know there are still cartoons on TV, but they’re not the same anymore.

I miss good cartoons. The old ones. I miss the cartoons where they didn’t want to make me bash people’s heads in with a brick. Let me explain.

Looney Tunes! They had no real plot for most of them. Occasionally you’d get a Bugs Bunny movie that was long enough to have an actual plot, but aside from those the plot was along the lines of: Elmer Fudd wants to hunt Bugs Bunny, Wlie E. Coyote wants to get some yummy Road Runner nom, etc. And the cartoons revolved around that! No continuity between cartoons other then their basic rivalries (Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck/Elmer Fudd/Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner, Tom and Jerry) and that was it! They were basic, they were funny, and they were adaptable.


Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Duck season.
Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Duck season.
Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Wabbit season.
Daffy: Duck season! FIRE!
Elmer Fudd: *BANG!!!!*
Daffy: … You’re despicable.

How many times did a scene like that play out? A lot! You knew how it was going to end, but it was still funny, partially because they always had something different happen to Daffy after the blast.

Some of the characters were intelligent (Bugs Bunny! THE original smartass!), some of them were a little dense (such as Elmer Fudd). But they were fun and played out their parts beautifully.

How about Tom the cat in blackface. Jerry had this fantastically funny habit of blowing Tom up and when he’d pull his face out of whatever he stuck it in and got blown up he’d be in blackface. It was funny! You saw it coming and it was still funny! Or how about Wile E. Coyote crashing headlong into a wall or going over a cliff to “poof” when he hit the ground always after some elaborate (and ultimately ineffectual) way to catch Road Runner.

Now you don’t have them anymore! Ok, you do, but they’re not the same. Guns are bad, and parents freak out at the sight of a gun in a cartoon. So if Elmer Fudd even gets to fire his gun you never see it hit anything. Blackface is evidently racist (don’t know how it’s racist, I’ve never seen a black person that was actually, you know, BLACK) so Tom no longer shows up in blackface, he starts to pull his head out and the scene cuts away. Violence is wrong and has no place in society so now Wile E Coyote falls over the cliff to his (almost) doom and you never see him hit the ground… no “poof”, the scene just ends!


No, now we have to have politically correct cartoons that are a good fucking influence. Cartoons that lack any kind of spark. Now we have *drumroll* SPONGE BOB!!!!!!

Fuck me up the ass!

Sponge Bob is such a piece of shit it’s pathetic. It has a plot but it SUCKS! He’s a retarded (literally) piece of sponge that talks, goes about his life, and shit like that. Oh, and one of his friends is a weasel that lives in dome on the bottom of the ocean. You can find more cognitive thought from a 5 year old then from Sponge Bob! And this is what cartoons are now folks!

Oh, and we’re talking cartoons for those past toddler age, so I’m not including Dora the Explorer, Bob the Builder, or anything like that. Those are for a very young age, unlike Looney Tunes and (supposedly) Sponge Bob.

“What about anime! You’re leaving out anime!” No, I’m not. Anime does not count as cartoons in my opinion. It is a different style entirely. Anime is closer to a standard TV series then cartoons. They have a plot that goes through the entire series (WE MUST STOP NARAKU!!!!!). I like some anime, but a lot of it I view the same as regular TV (since that what it actually is, just animate)… it sucks.

Back to cartoons! And specifically Looney Tunes! When was the last time you saw a cartoon that could send a message relevant to the time period? Probably never! Because the shit they play now is too dumbbed down to be able to pull it off. Looney Tunes used to play some cartoons that were time-period specific. There was one Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is flying a plane, and at the end is about to crash land and then his plane stops in midair, he jumps out and goes “Sorry folks, you know how these A-Cards are.” An A-Card was a gas ration during WW2. You couldn’t do anything like that with cartoons today because they’re not smart enough or flexible enough anymore to be able to pull shit like that and still stay in the character’s general way of thinking! Could you see Sponge Bob managing to pull off a War in Iraq reference? NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAUSE HE’S STUPID! He’s a couple dozen IQ points lower then your bottom feeder politician!

On the flip side there were some incredibly racist Looney Tunes cartoons, at the time they were viewed as just fine, not anymore, and I’m glad they don’t play them anymore. What is relevant and acceptable at one time is not the same for another.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And… SPONGE SEASON! FIRE!!!! *BANG!*

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Chicago School BANS from Home Lunches

The Little Village Academy on Chicago's West Side has decided to BAN lunches brought from home unless you have food allergies. I am of 2 minds on this…

First off! I see no problem with this at all… IF they’re making school lunch free for all the students. If you are making it mandatory for the students to eat your food, then you should include it in the school fees you push on the parents. It is a public school, it is “free” (aside from whatever fees they decide to charge you for stupid stuff), so if getting the lunch is mandatory, like going to school is, then it shouldn’t cost anything more. The problem of course is that they’re not doing that. Which leads to my other thought on this.

Second… FUCK THEM!!!!!!

“ Principal Elsa Carmona said her intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.

"Nutrition wise, it is better for the children to eat at the school," Carmona said. "It's about the nutrition and the excellent quality food that they are able to serve (in the lunchroom). It's milk versus a Coke. But with allergies and any medical issue, of course, we would make an exception." ”

Excellent quality food? HA! Since when? Last I checked pizza flavored lard and buttered manatee ass didn’t qualify as excellent, that’s not even good. The reason most students don’t buy school food is because its shit! Lets see… what days do you get student buying lunch. Hmmmmmm, French fry day and Papa Johns/Dominos/Pizza Hut day, and that’s it unless they have to get it. Why? Because they don’t want to eat “lasagna” that has more grease coming out of it then your typical McDonalds burger. Or the slop that’s supposed to be chicken and dumplings, or the school pizza that is like a brick it’s so over-cooked.

I can understand no fast food. No McWendy’s King or shit like that is fine. I’ll even go with the no pop… even though most schools have pop machines where the students have access to them, I smell hypocrisy!!!!!!!

“Carmona said she created the policy six years ago after watching students bring "bottles of soda and flaming hot chips" on field trips for their lunch. Although she would not name any other schools that employ such practices, she said it was fairly common.”

This is a steaming pile of bullshit! I’ve never heard of a school with this policy. And this isn’t about healthy food. No where close, this is about money. Let’s see. We’ll assume the school has 1000 students. Before this took effect probably about 1/3 of them bought the school lunch. At $2.25 that’s about $750 a day. NOW the entire student body MUST get the school lunch if they want to eat. And our number jumps to about $2200 a day.

I only partially blame the principle and the school for this piece of filth being in effect. A good part of the blame goes to the parents too. THEY should’ve gone “fuck you” and still sent their kids to school with lunches instead of rolling over and letting the school dictate to them what their kids can eat! What was the school going to do to them? The school can’t fine the parents. And if they decide to give detention to or suspend a few hundred over it they would’ve had hell to pay. No, this is also the parent’s fault.

And I find the picture of a “school lunch” they included funny as hell.

So… tell me. Have you ever seen a school lunch that looked like that? I didn’t think so.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And the school says I am no longer allowed to bring my own rants to the blog. I have to buy theirs now.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


I am sure everybody and their grandmother that is reading this has seen or heard of the song “Friday”. The singer, Rebecca Black, is now famous for it. If only it was a good thing…

For those living under a fucking rock that means that the song/music video quickly went viral. Reproducing at an astounding rate and quickly being raised to an epidemic outbreak level by the surgeon general. The Friday virus is highly contagious, spreading by minor contact with infected individuals, and is the first case of a human virus being spread through the internet. (In other news the US government is trying to figure out how this was done for possible biological weapon use) It appears to be non-lethal, but small children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are recommended to be closely monitored just in case.

Symptoms include: having the song “Friday” stuck in your head for days on end, randomly singing off key, and mild fever. Severe cases have been witnessed breaking out in (off key) singing in large crowds, making parody versions of the “Friday” song and music video, and being confused if you should sit in the front or back seat of a car (incredibly amusing to onlookers when you’re the only one getting into the car). Still, doctors recommend wearing a dust mask (because it’s funny as hell when you get a dust mask tan line) and seeing a doctor is you develop any of the severe symptoms.

Oh, and some random woman named Gwenny has developed a vaccine for the dreaded Friday virus, she is selling it out of her apartme, er… office for a mere $100. Supplies are limited, make sure you purchase your vaccination before supplies run out.

OK! Now that that’s out of the way, obviously this is my own mockery of “Friday”. What brought it about? Why the newest “Friday” parody of course! God fucking damnit how many parody’s of this wannabe kindergarten song (ok class, lets sing the Friday song! Saturday, Sunday, Monday…) do we need?! Including the original and the horrendous religious version above I know of AT LEAST 8. Including one by some boy band, Conan O’Brian, a 10 minute play, and a piano ballad! Ok, seriously! I get parody, have you seen this site? Half of it is parody. But things quickly reach the point where it goes from being funny to being “are people seriously still making these?” So to all the people out there… I have one request.

MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I hear she’s creating a new song “These are all the things in my backpack”… I can see the parodies now

*sings* These are all the things in my backpack. Note-book, note-book, text book, hand-ful of pen-cils, text book, an entire box of condoms.... *fades out*

Saturday, April 2, 2011

OMFG Middle East Violence!

Who the fuck didn’t see this shit coming?

The dumb fuck church in Florida (Why does Florida suck so hard? I mean they don’t know how to vote… just look at the 2000 elections. And its nick named “God’s waiting room”… God damn.) decided to go through with their plan to hold a Quran burning…

ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING STUPID?! Wait, don’t answer that, the answer is obviously YES!!!!!!

I don’t think you fuckers understand. The Islamic religion is NOT Christianity. They stemmed from the same one originally… but that is where the similarities fucking end. I know you have trouble remembering your own name… it takes a while for your 2 brain cells to rub together in that big vacancy you call a head… but try to remember what has happened in the past 15 years.

Oh, you don’t remember… fine, allow me to re-educate you:

~Bush as President for 8 years, completely ruining international relations. Most notably with the Middle East.

~There was a political cartoon about ohhh 8-10 years ago… about Allah being violent and what not. OMFG YOU SATIRIZED GOD!!! WE WILL PROVE WE ARE NOT VIOLENT BY DESTROYING SHIT!!!!!

The group has no problem using violence to meet whatever ends it wants. Quit FUCKING with them unless you are trying to get American troops killed. And if that’s the case YOU need to be brought up as an accessory to murder. You knew exactly what kind of reaction this is going to bring. You knew burning the Quran was going to cause riots and violence and yet you still did it! By our laws doing something that you know will cause violence, panics, or riots (such as yelling FIRE! in a theater) makes you an accessory so lets put you up on charges.

Yes, I know not all Muslims are violent. I know a few. I actually find the hijabs (head scarves) pretty, although you can keep the burkas. Most of the US Muslims are just fine. Over in the Middle East though the terrorists/extremists are more noticeable then the Christian abortion doctor killers in the US… and the culture for some reason almost seems to encourage them.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And fuck this church and the Muslim rioters.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Super Mario Sunshine

About a month ago my computer went down for about 2 weeks. Long story short, a RAM stick died. Seeing as I don’t have cable this left me with reading, taking photos (which I don’t do much of during winter), and playing video games. So I read some and got 100% game completion on Super Mario Sunshine. Here’s a review!

First off, I know the game is rather old. I never got around to actually beating it before this so yea… you can just deal.

Overall Super Mario Sunshine is a rather good game. The controls are fairly decent, if you’ve played Super Mario 64 you’ll get the jumping down in about 3 minutes… the only new one is a spin jump. The FLUDD controls are… interesting. You have your standard spray nozzle, and a specialty nozzle. The specialty nozzles are a hover nozzle(which is the most useful), a rocket nozzle used to reach high places, and a dash nozzle which has about 3-4 uses in the entire game. Yes, the dash nozzle is that useless. The biggest change is that Mario can no longer punch. Evidently holding onto the FLUDD controls tires out his arms too much or something.

The voice acting is kind of sketchy. Mario doesn’t actually talk, although he does make his standard noises when hurt. I hear a lot of complaints about FLUDD, but honestly its supposed to sound like a computer voice. In that aspect I actually think it’s the 2nd best done voice in the game, although it talks too damn much when it does talk. The mushroom people and most of the random NPCs don’t talk usually other then some kind of “hello”. Princess Peach is amazingly badly done. She’s supposed to be an adult and she sounds like she’s about 8!

**********SPOILER ALERT!!! SPOILER ALERT!!!***********

Baby Bowser has probably the best voice in the game, he sounds like a kid but still menacing. He also seems to have the intelligence of a kid, seriously… Peach being his mama? Which is a nice surprise.

Bowser on the other hand has the worst voice in the game in my opinion. He’s the giant koopa of doom, he’s supposed to be deep voiced, have his menacing laugh. Vicious, dangerous. DIE MARIO DIE! If you played Mario 64 I am sure you remember his laugh whenever you entered one of his levels. But NO!!!!! He sounds old and tired. He doesn’t even roar! I get that he is supposed to play father figure for his son kind of in this game at the end. But he is still the main Mario villain and instead of “THE PRINCESS IS MINE! EAT FLAME!!!!!” he splashes his bathwater at you!

***************END SPOILER********************

The music is good, nothing too terribly memorable but it matches the setting of the game and what you’re doing at the time. It’s Nintendo, so this is kind of a given.

My only real complaint, aside from the voice acting, is the blue coins and some of the mini-games to get Shines.

Most of the mini-games are rather fun, nothing I’d play again just for the hell of it, but they’re not bad. A couple of them though are damn horribly involved to get to and harder then the final boss level! There’s one in the main level hub that will take you at least 5 minutes just to get to, and when you do you need to have at least 30 lives because you will die in it that much.

The blue coins are another issue. There are 240 blue coins in the game, you can exchange 10 coins for “that”… that of course being a Shine. I’m used to hunting for items. Some of my favorite games are Metroid and Zelda, both of which revolve around finding hidden items. If I hadn’t had a game guide I would’ve never found some of them they’re hidden in such exoteric spots. In one world for example half the world is a beach… there are 3 Shine paintings under the sand… each holding a blue coin. You are not going to find them without some kind of guide. In another level you have to hose down a certain fruit basket to get a blue coin. Again… who is going to think to water the fruit basket?

Overall, not a bad game. No where near the best Mario game. But if you have a Wii it might be worth picking up, just remember to find a guide online if you want to get all the blue coins, and hence Shines.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I prefer when all Bowser did was laugh and roar.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Black History Month

I am white, if you look at my photo on this blog that is fairly evident. That being said it usually means that I can not get away with the stuff other people can without causing a scandal. If I actually cared about that this blog would be very boring though… on with the discrepancy!!!!!!

I don’t care about black history month. It means absolutely nothing to me. Before you go “OMFG GWEN IS A RACISTTTTT!!!!!!!@! WE MUST BOYCOTT!” or call Al Sharpton… actually do call Al Sharpton, I’d take great pleasure in blasting that racist’s arguments to dust. Er, where was I… oh yes, before you go being an idiot let me explain.

I do not really care about history in general. I know some of it, but rarely the names or dates or the person’s race for the most part, because I don’t view it as important. I know a black man invented peanut butter and a few hundred other uses for peanuts, don’t ask me his name though, I don’t view it as important. Does it matter that the guy was black now, not really. I ALSO know we have the first black president in the White House, Barack Obama. And about the Crusades (they all failed just so you know… think about that before you say you’re “going on a crusade”), the Great Library of Alexandria which unfortunately got burned down, and various other things.

So, we have black history month… where is white history month? Don’t tell me it is always “white history month” because that is BULLSHIT! So where is white history month? How about Asian history month? Latino history month? Oh, its because they were oppressed and made slaves. I did say I know my history… EVERY race has, at one time, been slaves to another and the slave owner. I am not doing your research for you, you can look it up yourself. It just happens that black people being enslaved is the most recent. So if we’re doing it because they were oppressed then why do we not have Indian (native American) history month? We almost completely wiped them out! And don’t say it’s Thanksgiving, if anything that seems to be celebrating it.

Ok, that’s it, I’m done.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And black history month sucks and Sharpton can kiss my ass.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Valentine's Gifts

This rant is mostly directed towards guy’s getting their girlfriend/wife a gift. I went into a grocery store the other day. Not unusual… I do like to eat after all. And I heard a Valentine’s Day advertisement over their radio.

If you haven’t read the last post I made I am not exactly a fan of Valentine’s Day. I find it kind of crass to go “OMFG! IT IS LOVER’S DAY! YOU MUST GET YOUR LOVER GIFTS!!!!!” Oh, and making it mandatory to buy roses in the dead of winter… yea, THAT’S not a way to try to make a premium off cut roses.

That being said, if I ever got what was advertised as a gift for Valentine’s Day in that commercial whoever gave it would be single really god damn quick.

“Gift cards make a perfect gift for Valentine’s Day!”

Gift cards…

You give a gift card when you have literally no idea what to give, that’s why they’re now staples for relatives at Christmas. You do not give a gift card to your lover on Valentine’s Day! Roses? Fine. Chocolate? I have a weakness for chocolate, I’m a happy girl. Stuffed animals? Are we back in grade school again? But a gift card? The only even remotely acceptable one is to a spa, and those come as gift certificates showing you did actually think.

For all those reading I’ll give you some advice. If you are doing Valentine’s Day plan something with your love. Make the gift something non-cliché. A lot of us like getting dressed up. Something romantic is almost always a good bet, whether at home or out. Romantic does not have to be expensive either, some candles help a lot. And for the love of the Goddess don’t buy a fucking gift card!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And this is probably not the last for the Valentine’s Day topic.

Valentine's Day

Ahhhhh, Spring. I love Spring, the birds are chirping, flowers blooming, the smell of love in the air. Wait... what do you mean its not Spring?! Then why am I smelling love in the air? Oh, Valentines Day is coming up. *groans*

I don't hate Valentines Day but I sure don't like it. Why? Hmmmmm, how about because its a conspiracy by the candy, florist, and card companies to sell more merchandise.

Seriously, Valentines is the time of the year when chocolate sales jump through the roof, about the only other time that rivals it is Halloween, and that’s to be given out to tons of kids, not just to your mate. At least the price of the chocolate stays pretty constant for Valentines... I can't say the same thing about the cost of roses. Year round you can find a dozen roses for decent prices... until about the week before Valentines. Then the roses swallow a whole bunch of love steroids (SUPER ROSES HO!!!!!) and the price inflates to $30-$50 a dozen! I don't know about you but if my mate is shelling out $50 the flowers better last more then a bloody week. And no, I'm not getting into the cards.

Another reason? Well, quite frankly I just don't like being told to buy shit for people because I "love" or "like" them.

I do know why people with a partner like Valentines though. Guys like it because its a date they don't have to really remember. There’s so much advertising and crap being sold(at greatly inflated prices) that you'd have to be deaf and blind to not notice. Women like it because the guys remember it(for above said reason) and we get stuff.

The thing is buying your mate something for Valentines doesn't show you love them though. All it shows is that you got pulled into the commercialization around the holiday. If you really want to show your mate you love them then you should show it throughout the year. Buy them something just for the hell of it, plan something romantic as a surprise(lets face it, romantic stuff is NOT a surprise on Valentines Day), save that $30-$50 and create an entire rose garden! Use your imagination. Hell, I'd love a rose garden over week old dead roses!

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m going to lil cupid so I can steal his bow and shoot people in the… *TWANG!* OUCH! Ohhh, honey… lets get married…

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Breaking with the past, younger people supporting gay marriage.

I was given this today by a friend.

Usually I'd have some witty remark to go with this. I'm not feeling good, so you guys get what you get... sorry.

I have my own theory as to why the younger generation is breaking with their father's views. Their fathers are well... old. They grew up in a time where if you were gay you sure as hell didn't let anybody know. The girls grew up in a society where they probably had gay friends. If you grow up with them then you're less likely to have issues with them... unless you're just a bigot in general. Then again their mothers are siding with the daughters it seems. Maybe if the dad's weren't Republicans that had to pander to the crazies of the religious right they'd be siding with their daughters too... no way to really tell.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And my sick ass is going back to sleep.