Saturday, May 22, 2010


Welcome everybody once again to my little corner of insanity. This particular lil rant was brought to you by me, the religious nuts, and the military recruiter that decided that decided a good friend was somebody he might convince to join up. Enjoy! :D

Ok, I consider myself a fairly reasonable person, but there are a few things that piss me off... racists, blue laws, a government so corrupt if it was fruit it would be a pile of rotten sludge, and people that try to sell me shit. I can't do a damn thing about most of that list... but I take great pleasure in tormenting the people that try to sell me random shit (except the Girl Scouts, cause they sell cookies :D).

Telemarketers! There’s nothing like a good telemarketer. I mean you only have TV, radio, billboards, newspapers, websites, movies, about every other medium I can think of and the slightly psychotic Amazon witch doctor down the street trying to sell you shit, why not add them calling you on the phone too?! They call you up, usually during dinner, or early enough that us nocturnal people are still zombie-like, and try to sell you stuff. Credit cards, time shares, vacations... doesn't really matter which since most intelligent people have the sense to just hang up on these spawn of Satan. Personally I say have some fun! Just about every phone has caller ID now, remember which numbers are the marketers and think up something insane. Be evil! Use your imagination! Let the sadism loose! Have them end up calling a murder scene... "I'm sorry but Mr/s. Smith is dead, this is the scene of a murder, can you stay on the line please..." and mess with them for a while. Or there’s always my personal favorite... "Thank you for calling the Satanic Ritual Helpline. If you are having trouble contacting Satan, press 1 now..." I have yet to have any nice little telemarketer stay on the line long enough to reach "press 1".

Evangelists (of any faith)! You know, its kind of pathetic that you can actually sell RELIGION! How one gets in touch with Deity has been reduced to people going around and trying to convert people. Them selling it isn't even what pisses me off, its how they go about doing it. I'll use Christianity as the example, but don't think for a second they're the only group that pulls this shit.
~"Become a (insert sect) or your going to Hell!"
~Handing out the little pamphlets that are a complete waste of time and paper.
~"Come to (insert church) and save your soul."
~Various Bible(or for other religions their holy book of choice) quotes they use to try and justify them pushing their beliefs on people of other religions

I could go on but why bother? None of their stuff works and just alienates their group even more. Here... try this, be respectful, don't tell us we're going to go to hell, don't sound like you just escaped from Arkum Asylum, and if the person isn't interested shut the hell up! And don’t print out a few thousand of those little pamphlets/books to give out. Any self respecting person is going to glance at it and ball it up in front of you, or (depending on how insulting they want to be) use it as a tissue and offer it back. You may not get them, but if you do the above you may convince somebody else that’s around that your place isn't half bad.

Ok, last one, I promise. Military recruiters! Everybody knows about the military, they know they can join up and make a decent wage. There are enough ads on TV channels aimed at my age group that it would be an impossibility for them not to know. So we don't need you guys going around to try to sell it to us! There are a number of things I have heard about various recruiters... lies, promises, and cheating on the tests to get people in. And to the military's credit they thrash the guy’s career when they find out, so out of respect I won't mention any particular case. But what recruiter in their right mind would think my friend Rick a good potential mark? The hair longer then most women's should be a clear indication that he's NOT a good target! And don't give me the crap about “serving your country”! There is more then one way to "serve your country"! Voting, is serving your country. Joining the military, is serving your country. Opening a business and contributing to the failing economy is serving your country. Not becoming a permanent leech on Social Services and having enough kids to fill a small country is serving your country!

And any combination of the above 3... telemarketers selling me religion, or telemarketers selling me the military, are the most evil of all things.

Ok guys, I'm out, I gotta go call the telemarketers and try to sell them a slightly used religious pamphlet.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Warning Labels

I love warning labels. Actually, I just love how blatantly stupid warning labels are… and the incredible amount of stupidity that comes with them.

“Warning: Contains peanuts” on a jar of salted peanuts. I would certainly hope it contained peanuts! It’s kind of heavy for a jar of air.

“Warning: Contents hot” on a Styrofoam cup of hot coffee. Personally I would be kind of pissed if my hot coffee wasn’t hot.

“Warning: Electric shock. Do not operate while showering” on a blow drier. Wouldn’t that be kind of counter productive?

And the one that is inspiring this topic that I read last night... “Warning: Do not leave driver’s seat while cruise control is engaged.” in an RV owner’s manual. Evidently the guy that caused it to get added went to the back while the RV was still moving to get coffee…

I mean seriously… how dense do you have to be?! Those are just some that I remember. There are worse ones out there. And all these stupid labels come about because people get hurt and sue (and win…) because they were too stupid to use common sense. Personally I think they got what they deserved! Yes, the jar of peanuts contains peanuts, the Styrofoam coffee cup has hot coffee in it and is easily crushed, the blow drier will fry your ass if you put it in water, and the RV is not going to turn itself!

Seriously… warning labels should be for things you wouldn’t expect. Engine may overheat/explode if driven over 100 mph, dog food may spontaneously combust if gotten wet and left to rot, taking this drug may give you an urge to gamble(don’t remember the drug, but was for restless leg syndrome)!

People like this…

are NOT cause for a warning label! They are what is called natural selection.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead, and I blame you for my warning label… “Warning: Contains insanity”.

First Post

Ah, the first post... I guarantee this will be my worst one. A lot of the postings are going to be re-postings from a previous blog I'm closing out. I only write when my muse speaks to me... or when I'm pissed off.

Most of them are funny, or at least the people that read them thought so. So without further ado I'll go post the first one.