Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Don't Ask, Don't Tell Part 2

I wrote my view on DADT getting repealed from the perspective of a civilian. I have never been in the military, and have never wanted to be in the military, although I do support the troops. I wholeheartedly support the repeal of DADT if I didn't make that obvious in my other post. The basic opinion in my post was that I supported the repeal and that DADT itself was insulting to the soldiers.

Skippy, of Skippy's List, also supports it. Seeing as used to be in the military he has a much better view on it then I do, and I would be remiss to not direct my readers to his post. http://skippyslist.com/2010/12/21/the-us-military-feels-pretty-and-witty/


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Don't Ask, Don't Tell


Sorry, I had to do the Mortal Kombat quote.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT henceforth) got repealed today. For those ignorant to it, DADT was pretty much in the military people couldn’t ask you if you were gay, and you couldn’t tell. And if you got found out you got discharged (read: fired).

On the one hand it’s not important, especially in a combat situation, what sex you prefer. And unless you’re in a undercover op where you have to seduce somebody I don’t see it coming up when you’re working.

But the enlisted do talk. They talk about their girlfriends/boyfriends/spouse back home. For example Soldier 1, 2, and 3 are talking about their girlfriends’ back home

Soldier 1: How about you Private Pile, you have a girl back home?
Closeted Soldier: No, I don’t have one back home.
Soldier 2: You don’t have a girl? Guys we need to buy Pile a lap dance at the strip club!
Closeted Soldier: No that’s ok…
Soldier 1 and 3: YAY!

So now Private Pile has the choice of either refusing (which most straight single men in the military wouldn’t and will probably raise questions) or getting a lap dance that he’s not going to enjoy.

On the other hand what sex you like doesn’t matter! Why does it matter whether Private Pile gets a stiffy over boobs or a dick? Are you straight? Yes, then he doesn’t want you! Yes he may fantasize about you when he’s doing his thing, but you fantasize about lesbians, and they sure as hell don’t want you!

Also it’s very fucking insulting to the soldiers. DADT implies that they can’t handle working with other soldiers that may be a little light on their feet. They’re supposed to be “The best, of the best, of the best, Sir!” (Men in Black) Quit treating them like they’re fucking babies! There are people in the military that are prejudiced. There are people that don’t like blacks, definitely ones that don’t like Muslims; there are the bigoted Christians that don’t have any issue trying to force their view on others. (Don’t take my word for it, look here) The homophobes can deal just as well as the white supremacists.

Goddess forbid they have to serve with *GASP* gay people! Oh, that’s right, they already are. They just don’t know it! And what are they going to do when they get out of the military? It’s illegal in most (I think most, not bothering to check) states to fire somebody because they’re gay.

Back to my starting quote. This could very well be the beginning of the end, the end of anti-gay laws. This could very well be the hypothetical pebble that starts the landslide for gay rights, including gay marriage. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but one can hope.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I am still not joining the military.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Twit News

Ok, I don't think the Twit News is going to be coming back. I've been too busy with other stuff and honestly they kind of sucked. Oh fuck it, they really sucked. This does not mean I won't be commenting on articles anymore. I'm just going to go back to what I did originally, if I find something worth posting I'll put it up.

It was nice having a guaranteed weekly post, but they were far too long and half of them sucked blistered testicles.


Sunday, December 5, 2010


It is snowing here, and sticking! Know what that means right?

Yep! NO SCHOOL!!!!!! No school, no school, no school! YAY! I am going to make a snowman and all kinds of other fun stuff. But the best part is no school!

… oh wait…

I forgot. I don’t go to school anymore. FUCK!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, snow loving redhead. And I’m still going to make a snowman.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I don't know what to say...

You know, I sat on this particular article for a week thinking of how to properly respond to it. It was too important to make the Twit News… and the fact that I have kind of been neglecting the Twit News due to real life things. The article in question is this


Make sure you read through it, it’s only about a page on Microsoft Word.

My very first thought was… unprintable, even for me. No, that’s not a threat, nor is it a command for my lovely little minions to go do anything to him. You all know exactly who you are. It was just my first thought… then I thought of something better.

Now Judge Rapist, oh, sorry Judge Joe Rehyansky is openly advocating the “corrective” rape of lesbians because in his insane line of thinking after they’re raped enough they’ll become straight. Personally it would just make me want to stake you to the ground with honey on your dick next to a fire ant hill, but that’s just me. But Judge Rapist thinks that it’s a good way to “cure” lesbians of liking women.

Well then! If that’s a good way to convert lesbians to being straight then it sounds like a good way to turn straight men gay! Lets get together some of the biggest bears from the gay community and have them ass rape you until you turn gay. By your own line of thinking it WILL work, so they get to continue pounding your ass until you want the dick!

I know what the issue is, this pathetic excuse of a judge got turned down too many times by lesbians and now he’s bitter. His military record, being a judge, and his manhood (probably all 1 ½ inches of it) couldn’t sway the lesbians he found hot into his bed so now he wants to force them. Here Judge Shrinkydink. I’ll buy you a strap on, maybe it’ll help with your little dick complex!

This judge needs to have his robes taken from him and any rape cases that came before him re-evaluated. Anybody that thinks like that, much less openly advocates it in a public forum, does not need to be making decisions about other people’s lives.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh… come here big boy, you’ll do nicely. I have JUST the guy you should meet.

~I do not advocate ass raping this piss poor judge, nor staking him down with honey on his dick. I DO advocate firing him and bringing him up on possible charges though.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Fashion 2

I wrote something on fashion when I first started this blog, my knowledge on fashion has not exactly changed much in 3 months. But I feel the need to comment on a couple of the “fashions” I’ve seen recently.

~Comfort pants: Call them whatever the hell you want, but they look like fucking pajama bottoms. Did you just roll out of bed? Obviously not since your top half is dressed decently. Are you pregnant? It would be understandable if you were wearing them while pregnant, baby belly is no where near comfortable. But you’re only a little bigger then me… and male. I put this one in the same category as wearing pants so baggy they’re falling off you… pure stupid and fucking lazy.

~The “Snooki Poof”: This one originated from Jersey Shores (or whatever show she’s on, I can’t be bothered to look it up) on, duh, Snooki. The producers must have been laughing themselves shitless when they thought up this hairdo… and then done that anime question mark above the head when women started copying it! If you don’t know what I’m talking about its this

Oh, I’m a tumor, I’m a tumor. I’mmmmmm a tumor, I’m a tumor! Seriously! The first time I saw it I thought “That poor woman” because I thought she had a decidedly large tumor! And then I saw more women with it and realized it was a terribly bad hairstyle. You people seriously look like you have a giant fucking brain tumor! What is in that thing?! A tennis ball? A pop can? Oh! I know! It’s a bendable dildo!

Ok, I’m done! This shit is making my brain hurt. Hopefully I’m not developing a Snooki tumor, er, pouf.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh god, there’s a woman with a Snooki pouf and pajama pants on…

Friday, November 26, 2010


I got thinking today, about marriage. I like the whole white dress thing, I wouldn't want to be married in a church. I'm a Pagan, not a Christian, and would like to be married somewhere meaningful to me. Somewhere full of nature. Botanical gardens might be nice...

Anyways, I digress.

Can I copyright marriage? I mean you can copyright anything now. I think a few years back Microsoft copyrighted the double-click. It would be one hell of a way to make money. I charge a $2 royalty from any institution that marries a couple. I could be rich in a month!

There were about 2.1 million marriages in the US in 2009. So, in short... I am going to copyright marriage so all of you people can make me a millionaire in a years time.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And do you promise to give Gwen $2? I do.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

People at Walmart

A friend of mine showed me a site called People of Walmart. You do not know the horror that she has unleashed upon you. Ohhhhh, you KNOW this is going to be inappropriate.

I love Flounder... but your  anime convention is in another Walmart.

As long as we're making Mario references... 
Hey Toad! Is the princess at the anime convention?

Shopping carts now come with a baby airbag... only at Walmart.

The only "girl" I have is my car... I was wondering who dented the exhaust pipe.


Who knew the Predator had children that looked human? Kids going to be traumatized.

Are you trying to imply your dick is so big it can't fit in your pants? Or did you just suddenly lose a lot of weight in 10 seconds? Or are you just too dumb to know how to use that belt?

I hear Ford is working on a new line of cars. This is the first one... it's called the Walmartmobile.

Hey sweety, you remember our weddin'? I sure do, that Walmart is so special to me.

1: Your boots cover more of you then the entire rest of your outfit. 
2: Your bra is supposed to go STRAIGHT across your back, not go up above your shoulder blades!

And on the other end of the spectrum we have somebody that just needs to wear a bra in general before a basketball player mistakes her cleavage as the hoop.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And welcome to Walmart.

~Walmart isn't mine... obviously.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Checking out faster at the grocery. Part 2

I posted one of these a month back or so, here’s a continuation of it.

~ If you decide you don’t want something when at home do you just leave it laying around? No? Then pretend you’re home and don’t leave it at the end of the lane. Give it to the cashier and tell them “I don’t want it” or something to that nature. This goes triple if it’s a cold or frozen item. There’s nothing quite like finding a container of ice cream you stuck in the candy rack all nice and melted 3 hours later.

~You know those little plastic rectangles that are beside the belt? Those are dividers. They are there so that your items and the previous person’s items don’t get mixed up. USE THEM! Even if you’re stuff is way back put one up. As I said in the previous one of these, we can’t pay attention to everything and a lot of us just keep scanning until there are no items left or we hit one of the dividers.

~I know I mentioned watching your children in the last one of these I made. Allow me to expand on it. If you can’t control your loin spawn, LEAVE THEM HOME! There is a customer that comes in my store for example. Their child screams the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME they’re in the store. Telling (actually its usually yelling at) your child “No!” and “Put it back!” doesn’t work if you haven’t shown them the consequences for not listening! The employees bask in the silence for a couple seconds any time people like you leave the store!

Here, allow me to help. This has worked for a very long time and is a well known cure for unruly child. Place hand behind child’s buttocks. Move it back approx 4-5”. Accelerate it towards child’s buttocks quickly. This is called a “spanking”. It works wonders. Don’t administer it while you’re pissed off.

~Cell phones. Do I really need to go into cell phones? Evidently I do! Hang up your god damned phone when you’re checking out. Do you have any fucking idea how rude that is? I am supposed to talk to you. If I interrupt your amazingly important call too bad. Also, if I ask for your loyalty card, and you don’t respond after 2 times then I am going to assume you don’t have one. Rude? Probably. But look who’s calling the kettle black.

People like you make me wish I could still do what the policy was at the pizza place I used to work at. If you were in line, and talking on your phone… we’d skip over you until you were done.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And allow me to introduce my new product! The “cell phone blocker”! It’s a heavy piece of metal perfect for blocking the reception of a cell phone. Just slam it into the phone until it no longer has reception… or is in pieces. Whichever comes first. We at Gwen’s Psychotic Products are not responsible for injury from improper use of this product or flying cell phone pieces. Not to be used as a spanking device.

Monday, October 25, 2010

TWitN: 10/16/10-10/22/10

This week in the news! Campbell’s Soup is receiving grief from US activists *cough bigots cough* over something they’re selling in Canada. A man in California has something interesting found when he takes his car in for a routine oil change… and now the FBI wants it back. And Mel Gibson’s trying to make a comeback by being in an upcoming film.

~Campbell’s Soup is receiving grief and a “grass-roots boycott” after releasing a line of soups in Canada that are certified as halal, or in other words prepared according to Islamic dietary laws. The halal soups have been in Canada since January… the xenophobic American’s didn’t catch up to it until earlier this month. First off I have to congratulate the American bloggers. It only took you 9 months to go “OMFG! CAMPBALLS IS MAKERING TERRERIST SOUPS!!!!!!” For a group of people that go out and try to find things that offend that stick that’s firmly shoved up they’re ass they really dropped the ball on this one.

Now that that’s out of the way how, the fuck, does this affect any of you dumbasses boycotting? Oh, that’s right, it DOESN’T! This is in Canada! It’s not in America, land of the free (ha!) and home of the bigoted. Campbell’s has made it very clear that it has no plans to release this line of soups in the US, probably because you’d get people that would try to bomb Campbell’s for this “horrible affront on freedom” or some shit like that.

Can somebody tell me what the difference in the principle between halal and kosher is aside from the religion? One is perfectly fine, and gets advertised without any issue (Buy Hebrew National hot dogs!), yet the other if it’s even mentioned you’d think people were promoting the idea of self-cannibalization.

~Yasir Afifi, a 20 year old man in San Francisco, took his car to a garage for a routine oil change… and ended up with the FBI knocking on his door demanding the GPS tracking device back that the mechanics found while changing his oil.

The guy is a computer salesman and a community college student and has no ties to any terrorist group that they can find, the only reason for the tracker being put on his car is that he has an Islamic sounding name… makes me wonder if the FBI is also bugging and putting trackers on everything Barack Obama rides in.

It makes me wonder. Can the FBI actually demand it back? And if so does Afifi have to give it back to them? It was installed onto his property… couldn’t that be considered a modification? And if so wouldn’t that make the tracker itself his property?

Fuck it, not talking on that one anymore.

~Mel Gibson is trying to make a comeback by being in an upcoming film! The film you ask? Why the movie is the amazing, the glorious, the oh so ironic, The Hangover 2. I think the premise of the movie is they’re going to film Mel Gibson for a few days in his daily life, get some fantastic footage of the crazy guy hung over edit it together and release it to theatres! Estimated cost of making the movie is $100,000 and all the booze that Mel wants during the filming of the movie. Watch after the credits role and you can see outtakes of Mel, drunk and screaming at the TV as he watches another one of his movies… The Passion of the Christ.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And pain is nature’s way of saying “don’t do that.” Pain killers are mankind’s way of saying “no, it’s ok, you can do that.” Notice that we don’t have anything to lessen a hangover yet?

*Blah blah, usual crap, satire/parody, if you are Mel Gibson, the FBI, or anybody else I happened to mention and you don’t like what I said then tough. Freedom of speech and I don’t own any of the stuff mentioned in this post.

Monday, October 18, 2010

TWitN: 10/09/10-10/15/10

Yes, I am aware that I missed a week. So this is going to be the news over the last 2 weeks.

This week in the news! Bill O’Reilly was on The View and pissed off the hosts… go figure there. Something downright disturbing about McDonald’s food. There’s controversy over the design of the “ground zero” community center. A teenager from a high school in Ohio has committed suicide, wouldn’t be news except it’s the 4th one from that school in less then 2 years. And Captain Jack Sparrow visits a classroom in response to a fan letter.

~Bill O’Reilly (henceforth known as Billy) was on The View and managed to piss off the hosts so much they walked off the stage! I am not going to respond to what any parties involved said on the show though. It’s Billy… what the fuck did you expect! The guy is an extremist! Just look at his shows: “ridiculous” as an insult (congrats there btw…), cutting his caller’s mic whenever he’s losing a debate, such blatant extremism that extremist groups don’t even want him. If that wasn’t enough he can’t even pay attention to the importance of his own material! A few years back when Bush was in office he talked about a convention saying it was too festive with the war going on and the horror of some tsunami. If it was too trivial to be having during those big things why the hell was he reporting on it then?! Done… not talking about Billy the Kid anymore.

~McDonald’s food doesn’t degrade. A woman bought a McBurger and a McFry and left them on a plate for 6 months. 6 months later the food is hard as a rock and now looks plasticy but that’s it. Not even mold will grow on it! Excuse me but EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! This is why I don’t eat at McClown. I cook, I cook rather well actually. If I cooked up a burger and left it on a plate for a WEEK outside of a fridge it would be molding. Last I heard it was illegal to use embalming fluid in food…

~Big controversy over the released design for the “ground zero” community center! Personally I think it looks very nice.


People are saying that the honeycomb design has hidden meanings and blah blah. Everything has a hidden meaning. If you try hard enough you can find a hidden meaning in ANYTHING! Get over it! My only complaint about the proposed design is that the floor and ceiling design pulls some funky optical illusions on my eyes.

~ You know, I only have 2 things to say on this one. 4th teenager in 2 years commits suicide from bullying at a single school.

1. The school is insanely lucky that the kids just decided to end their own life instead of getting a gun and going the revenge route. See Columbine, Virginia school shooting, or the guy that worked at a metal factory and made a fucking sword to see what happens sometimes when you push people to the breaking point.

2. Teach your kids to deal with bullies!!!!!!!! Here, since you are too stupid to do it I’ll do it for you. You kick the bully’s ass! It doesn’t even matter if you win, as long as you put up a fight they won’t mess with you anymore because they want easy marks. Yes you’re child will get suspended, but I can almost guarantee that the bully will quit fucking with them. Usually I am not a violent person but in some cases violence is a good educator. Some people the only thing they understand is pain. You can talk all you want but until you see if you’re hand and their head can exist in the same place at the same time they won’t leave you the fuck alone. I read once about a guy that kept getting picked on at school. The bully decided to pick on him when he was having a bad day once… no the bully didn’t end up dead. The guy picked up a desk and hurled it at the bully, needless to say no bully ever messed with him again!

School isn’t like work. At work you can report that you’re being harassed. If it continues you sue for hostile work environment. It’s considered a standard (although generally last resort) way of getting the problem fixed. At school that doesn’t work! The biggest threat a school can give is suspension and the bully just goes “I didn’t want to be here anyways, alright!”

~Top story! And thank the gods it’s a good one. Johnny Depp visited a British school as Captain Jack Sparrow in response to a fan letter he received from a student there.


This is why I like Johnny Depp and Lady Gaga. They appreciate and respect their fans! Far, far too many celebrities don’t want anything to do with their fans other then take their money. Depp was over there filming for Pirates 4, read the letter, and decided to go visit in costume and in character. That is something the girl will remember for the rest of her life. It makes me happy to see celebrities, who aren’t supposed to be role models but are often raised to that level, do something nice just because it would be nice.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m going to go try that McBurger experiment.

Friday, October 8, 2010

To the people coming here from Facebook

I did not think I had any links to my blog on Facebook. Evidently I do... although to the best of my knowledge its not on MY Facebook. So if you are coming to my blog from a link on Facebook please leave me a comment here linking back to the page the link was on.



Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Ruling Government (US)

Here are a few little known facts about the people running the country, by that I mean the House and Senate. Over 50% of them have bankrupted a business before. Many have been caught with illegal drug use, including former president Bush Jr. with cocaine use (I personally see nothing wrong with people doing drugs… victimless crimes can go to hell, and no I’ve never done any drugs and I’d willingly take a drug test to prove I’m not on any). Many use their status to have representative immunity with various illegal acts that they do, most recent I remember is a speeding ticked… the guy was only going I think 80 in a 50mph zone.

What I would like to see is a presidential candidate that has actually LIVED like most Americans do! Most of the people running the government are rich and have never actually lived like the people they’re supposed to govern do. How, the FUCK, are you going to govern a populace when you have no idea how they live?! That’s like the US bombing a Middle Eastern country all to shit and then trying to rebuild their government without knowing anything about their actual culture… oh wait…

Anyways, I want to see a guy get up on the stand and go:

“I’ve been addicted to drugs, I’m off them now. I’ve survived 2 weeks on nothing but ramen noodles. I’ve been homeless. I’ve worked a shitty fast food job. I’ve worked retail, and am now a manager at Walmart. I want to be your president.”

That guy gets my vote! He gets my vote because he knows how 90% of Americans live! I don’t care if you made mistakes in your past (as long as they’re not horribly broken ones: rape, premeditated murder, etc) as long as you learn from them!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I will NEVER see a candidate like this.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Things I Like

Here are a few links to blogs and comedians I like.

The 2 Sense Show, it used to be just an online audio show, now its video also. It’s also one of the things that first got me writing.

Skippy’s List, if you have not at least heard of Skippy’s List then WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!

Redhead Ranting, because I like her writing style and the topics she does.

ZOMGitsCriss and K-rina. Her Youtube page and blog. She makes damn good points and is still funny a lot of the time.

Angel Cakes, a blog a friend of mine owns. She makes damn close to professional looking cakes.

Angry White Dude. I do not always agree with this guy, but difference of opinion is a good thing!

And last GAY, a lesbian e-magazine. They post some very interesting articles.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And go give these people some comments!

TWitN: 9/25/10-10/1/10

Yes, I know I’m a day late again. I’ve been working so much that my brain freaking shut down last night so yea… no post.

This week in the news! The UN is appointing somebody to be the first “space ambassador”, UN denies it. George Lucas is bound and determined to rape his previous works, again. This week was “banned book week”, banning books… wow we’re progressive. And finally… there might be Harry Potter 8, 9, and 10.

~Top story! And for those that haven’t figured it out, the “top story” is whatever I think is the stupidest. The United Nations (UN) is appointing the first “space ambassador”. The UN is denying it, and the original article does look like a parody to me honestly. But considering it’s the UN and all the stupid shit they do I’m willing to believe it’s true!

“Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity’s response if and when extraterrestrials make contact.”

First off, whoever thinks the aliens, if any ever do show up, are going to be friendly has never looked at our own history. What do we do when we find new land? We try to exterminate whatever sentient race is there already. You want the most modern example? Fine, the Native Americans. If aliens ever do show up they’re not going to go “Take me to your leader.” They’re going to just come down and wipe us out and take whatever they want. Then you have all the glorious alien (genre, not the Alien series) movies that show us beating the aliens. Not going to happen… not even if you have Will Smith to help. They can travel light years, would be so technologically advanced that we wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near them. They could probably twitch their eye and make us do the chicken dance just because it would amuse them! The other probable outcome is something I saw on Stargate SG-1. The aliens show up, cure all our diseases, double our lifespan, blah blah. And a nice little trick they add into the cure is it makes everybody sterile. Wait 150-200 years and “Wheeeeeee, we have a new planet! And we didn’t have to fight at all!”

~George Lucas wants to turn his Star Wars series into 3D. Personally I don’t see what the fascination for Lucas is to shit all over his previous works. The last time he did it he added CGI (computer generated images) to one of the 3 original movies… know what the outcome of that was? It looked fucking FAKE! You had all these models and mock ups and everything and let’s stick in some CGI shit and he must’ve gone “Wow doesn’t that look fake, eh leave it, the fanboys will eat it up no matter what I do.” Changing Jabba the Hutt (the only good edit in my opinion), adding the CGI, creating Jar-Jar Binks, adding Anakin to the end of the last movie when the ghosts are all glowy. Why keep messing with your work?!

I am not a fan of 3D personally. The biggest reason being I wear glasses. 3D glasses and real glasses you need to see do not interact well together. One of them has to be too far away for it to do its job properly and it just makes your eyes hurt. And if you look through them long enough, hell, lets say for like a Lord of the Rings movie then even people that don’t wear glasses have their eyes start to hurt.

~This week was banned book week. Why are books banned? Because you have fucking morons that go “I don’t like this so NOBODY should read it!” Fuck you all! Some of the banned books are: Fahrenheit 451 (a book on censorship), The Color Purple and Heather Has Two Mommies (books about homosexuality), and more.

No book should be banned, just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean nobody should be able to read it. I know of old people that start reading a book, are sickened by it, and then continue reading every single page of it and then try to get it banned! And show it to all their friends, who also try to get it banned! If something offends you quit reading it and let other people enjoy it damnit! The Harry Potter series is among some of the most challenged books on the list. Harry Potter! The series that got a ton of kids to start reading. Reading… you know that thing they weren’t doing before, and you morons are trying to ban the books because they do witchcraft. Trust me, if a few words of bad Latin could make it so you couldn’t talk I’d have pushed the mute button on you people a long time ago.

~ Speaking of Harry Potter! J. K. Rowlings is thinking about writing Harry Potter 8, 9, and 10. I love the Harry Potter series, they’re among my favorite books. But what the hell is she going to put into Harry Potter 8 through 10? The entire Harry Potter series was about Harry, Ron, and Hermione going through their years at Hogwarts and the inevitable climax battle between Harry and Voldemort. The series is over, the big bad is dead. Is she going to show Harry having marital issues? Is somebody new, and even more evil then Voldemort going to show up like what always happened in the Buffy series… and Anita Blake series… and Charmed, and Power Rangers, and Sailor Moon, and do I really need to keep going to show how utterly chiche it is? Oh! I know! Voldemort was a puppet and the true evil mastermind was Crookshanks!

Actually… I take that back… I want to see the Crookshanks idea play out.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I wonder if Rowlings is going to put in a sex scene for her now older and hopefully more mature reader base... OH HARRY! USE YOUR WAND! YES! YESSSSS!!!!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Obama on Schools

I was going to put this into the Twit News post… but this got far, far too long to add to that. So for you’re reading pleasure, or masochism, here’s my opinion on Obama’s newest release on the schools in the US.


“President Obama said on the "Today" show Monday morning that American students attend school a month less than kids in other countries -- contending that the school-year gap puts them at a competitive disadvantage in the global economy.”

I won’t argue that a longer school year would help the kids in school because it probably would. His daughters also go to a private school because the public schools in Washington DC are utter shit (my words, not his). But I’m going to add my two cents on what else would help.

Here’s what else would help!

~Paying the teachers enough so that they don’t have to have a part time job with their students! You are going to high school, and you go every week because you’ll need your education to get a good job right? And then, at your part time job, after school, or on the weekends, or whenever, you get to work with your teacher who also works there… doing the same thing you do. Way to show an education is important!

~The school systems need to be completely, and entirely redesigned. I am usually not one for federally run anything, seeing at how pitifully they run things for the most part. But the education system I firmly believe needs to be federally run. Why? Lets say you live in Bumblefuck, Missouri. Your parents (and hence you) move to California. You are so far behind compared to the other students in your grade that you drop back one, possibly two grades! The system needs to be standardized so that no matter what state you live in you get the same education.

There is no reason that when you move from one part of the country to the other that you drop or jump one to two grades just by changing school districts!

And yes, as long as we’re making all the schools standardized I’d use the best schools in the country to make the standardization. And the kids would be moved to the appropriate grade. My apologies to the kids that drop back grades but it has to be done.

~I do not know if it is like this everywhere or just where I went to school in NC but you do not need 3 years of history! I remember you got to learn the state history all through one year of elementary school, again in middle school (junior high), and AGAIN in high school. Drop that down to part of a semester in elementary school and a full semester in high school and make the rest of it US history! Honestly if you’re doing the federally run school systems that should be the only difference between states.

Oh lookie, I learned about the Wright brothers in elementary school, and again in middle school… and again in high school… why?

~This is going to not be liked by a lot of people… but in high school have a “religious education” class. Not one teaching you a certain religion. The zealots would like that far too much, and it’s against the separation of church and state. No, a class to teach you about most of the religions out there; Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Wicca, Paganism, Voodoo, Atheism, Catholicism, etc. This is something done in several European countries and it does wonders for religious tolerance.

~Remove the “no child left behind” act Bush put into effect. Being able to hold a kid back one time in so many years does not help them. It just means they move on even if they don’t know the material they need to know for their next set of classes.

~And finally, put sex education back in school! And not this abstinence only bullshit that Bush pushed through. Teach them about condoms and birth control. Have them put condoms on bananas like they used to. Teach them about STDs and how a baby is made. They’re going to have sex whether you teach them about it or not, if you don’t it just means they’re going to do it the unsafe! And I can even give you proof on that! Look at the teenage pregnancies and STD rate since the abstinence only crap got put into effect. It’s more then doubled!

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And now I’m going to go teach your kids how to put a condom on a banana!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Door-to-Door Dumbasses

I’ve dealt with the door-to-door dumbasses before, they call themselves different things, Jehova’s Witnesses, Christians, Mormons, etc etc... they’re all dumbasses though. Today I had a pair of them come to my door, usually I torment them in some way or give them some smart ass reply depending on what they’re opening line is. I am sorry in advance, I had been awake for less then an hour and I wasn’t on top of my game. Here’s the one they got:

DtDDs: Hello, we’re from . Have you heard the good news?

Me: Yes, you’re leaving.

DtDDs: *blank stare as the door closes*

When the god damned fucking hell are you dumbasses going to learn that we don’t need you doing this door to door shit, or the pamphlet crap. Nobody reads your little pamphlets, we just chuck them in the trash. Or if they’re as spiteful as I am they’ll rip them up right in front of you.

Christianity is the dominant religion in this country at an astounding approximate 82%, that means that 4 out of every 5 people are a Christian. In comparison Unaffiliated (including Agnostic and Atheist) make up about 11.5%, Judaism is at about 1.5%, Islam about 1%, Buddhism about .7%, Hinduism about .4%, and other (which includes Wicca, other Pagan religions and New Age religions) is at an ever growing 1.4%. And yes, I’m aware that only makes 98.6%, that’s why they all say approximate or about.

EVERYBODY in this country knows about Christianity. We don’t need you going door to door trying to convert us, we don’t need your stupid little pamphlets. If we wanted to be Christian we would be! I mean it wouldn’t be hard, there’s a church of some denomination on about every other street in any moderate sized town. I can drive downtown and I will pass at least 5 churches before I reach there, and I live in a town with about 17,000 people (2000 census). This is opposed to where I used to live, which has 200,000 people (again, 2000 census). There you had one on about every street!

And if you turn them down, and don’t close the door fast enough they revert to “You’re going to Hell and God doesn’t want you to go to Hell!

God wants you to save me from going to Hell for not believing in him. The same Hell that he created to punish me if I don’t believe in him. So if I don’t believe in him then I go to the Hell that he created to punish me for not believing in him and the only way not to go to Hell is to believe in him… kind of circular logic there isn’t it?!

That’s it, I’m done.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And would you like to join me at the Church of Slammed Doors?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

TWitN: 9/18/10-9/24/10

This week in the news! US dollars may get a re-design if one group has its way, the designs they’ve made are actually pretty damn cool. Some dumb Republican is getting in trouble for a comment she made over a decade ago on a TV show, it’s not quite what you’re thinking. And Katy Perry and Elmo will NOT be singing a song together on Sesame Street, poor, poor Elmo.

~The Dollar ReDe$ign Project has developed some new designs for the US dollar and have started a petition to get the US government to seriously consider the ideas and designs they’ve made. Their designs are all different sizes, all are different colors, updated pictures on them, and a vertical design (up and down) since that is how they’re usually handled. Personally I think this ROCKS! Different sizes means that the blind can more easily use them. The different colors I’m all for. The US has some of the most boring bills in the world. Add some damn color to them, and not little gold “10” or whatever… make them colorful and quit trying to give them “bling”. The vertical design is kind of cool, I don’t mind it, and considering how many bill accepting machines there are now it does kind of make sense. Here’s what the current ideas look like… and I like all of them EXCEPT the 1 dollar bill.


I don’t think we should have ANY recent president on the dollars, no Bush, no Obama, Clinton maybe, but ONLY because he got the US to the highest national surplus we’ve ever had.

Enough on the dollar, lets move onto something more interesting.

~Some dumb bitch Republican is in trouble for “dabbling in witchcraft” over a decade ago. I was all ready to jump all over this story on them giving the woman shit (me defending a Republican… first time for everything) and being religious pricks until I got further down and read this:

“O'Donnell told Bill O'Reilly that scientists have created mice that possess human brains; she said on "Politically Incorrect" that she would not lie to Nazis if she was hiding Jews in her house; and she reportedly said that women should not be permitted entry to military service institutions. The left has also criticized her denunciation of masturbation.”

This woman is fucking crazy. Along with that she’s called condoms “anti-human”. You’re calling condoms fucking anti-human and you’re talking about giving Jews over to the Nazis if you were hiding them?!?!?! You need to be slapped! Preferably with a giant fucking condom!

Has anybody else noticed how downright insane some of the conservative Republican women are?! I mean damn, denouncing masturbation? Really, in today’s society? Excuse me but I’m going to go get my vibrator.

And saying that women shouldn’t be in the military. Yes, lets just give up all the hard earned rights we’ve earned through feminism why don’t we…

Congrats to you O’Donnell, maybe you want to pump out babies all the time (by the way did your last name used to be Duggar?) no masturbation, no condoms (I assume that means no birth control either since it’s the same damn thing as condoms!), but some of us prefer to not be freaking cattle.

Honestly there’s not much else I can say on this one.

~Top story! http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/a-line/sesame-street-pulls-controversial-katy-perry-duet/624

Elmo and Katy Perry will not be singing a toned down version of “Hot and Cold” together on Sesame Street. Not because the song is inappropriate, the altered version was just fine. But because Katy Perry is showing a little too much flesh. I wasn’t going to do this story, I try to stay away from celebrity shit and I’ve done a few too many lately for my liking. I decided to not for the actual article, but for some of the comments left on it.

“she is right in line with Lady Gag Gag. They both are pitiful role models." And others like it.

You know what, yes, she's a pitiful role model. Unlike Britney, oh, wait... Paris? Nope. Hell, how about Martha Stewart, oh damn I forgot about her jail time. When exactly WAS the last time we had a celebrity that was a good role model(male or female) again? Oh yea, NEVER! Cause last time I heard most celebrities are on drugs, sleep around, are cheating on their spouse, having dog fights *cough Vick cough*, are shooting people, or are just out and out assholes!!!! By comparison showing a little flesh isn’t all that bad is it? Speaking of flesh, you haven’t taken your child to a beach or a pool have you? Cause you know… bikinis show just a tad more…

I bet you listen to rap music, which glorifies all kinds of negative shit that I’m not getting into, but you’re complaining about a low cut dress.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And sunny day everyday! Boobs ok! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street! How to get to Perry's boobs! How to get to Sesame Street!

*I do not own Sesame Street or their song in any way, if you don’t know the difference between a parody and ownership of their work then please shove your head into a running wood chipper.*

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Not a Michael Vick post

You know, I was going to make a post on Michael Vick being put back into play in the NFL. Please note I said WAS. I’ve decided the sick, dog fighting bastard isn’t worth my time or blog space. You can go to probably a thousand other blogs if you want to read about the asshole. I’m sure there’s plenty out there about how good it is for the game that he’s back in the NFL, and others on how heinous it is that they let such a bad role model back in. Sorry, but my blog is going to be Dick free… oops, did I say Dick? I meant Vick, how clumsy of me to say what he is instead of his name…

So instead of the post I was going to make on that guy, here’s the URL for a woman on Youtube whom I’ve taken a liking to. She makes some really good points in her videos and is rather amusing.


This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And GET THE QUARTERBACK!!!!!!!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Chat Room Etiquette

It’s downright amazing how many people just don’t understand chat room etiquette (or online at all for that matter). So to make you guys not so ignorant (STUPID) I made you up a handly little guide

~ If you use the word “noob” a ton, you yourself are generally the noob.

~ If the chat room is for adults then it means there’s adult content normally. This does not mean that since you’re “really mature for your age” Mr. 11 Year Old that it’s meant for you to join. Come back when you have at least hit the ‘teen years, teen… not tween.

~ If the room is GLBT friendly/safe/whatever then you will generally get automatically booted when you come in and go “God damn faggots!” or something to that nature.

~ Do not enter a room and the first or second thing you say is that you’re horny/any single ladies(ever notice they never look for men? Even if it’s a female saying it.)/you want sex etc etc. Best case scenario you get booted(assuming its not the Cyber Fuck Room), worst case scenario is it’s a 3D chat like IMVU and somebody in there is going to turn into a giant fucking humanoid spider and traumatize your poor little mind.

~ When you enter a room check to see who the mods are, it’s generally not a good idea to piss them off. For example going “Bitch, shut up!” to them can net you either a warning to watch your mouth or a boot out the door depending on their mood and what else you’ve said.

~ Try to use proper fucking English. Yes, we all know text speak, along with most of the online abbreviations, but there’s a big difference between “how r u” and some shit that wouldn’t make sense to me even drunk.

~ If you and your friend enter a room, stick to the language being spoken in the room. If it’s a private conversation, or you want to speak a different language go to a private chat. Google translate is just a mouse click away, and there is usually somebody in the room with enough spite *looks innocent* to start translating your stuff and posting it to the chat room… or just boot you.

~ Real world rules apply. If you start insulting everybody: boot. Trying to proselytize: boot. Being a creepy mother fucker: boot. If the giant fucking humanoid spider shows up and is mainly “flirting” with you: very big fucking boot.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And if I have to tell you one more god damn time to quit using the word “noob” I’m going to put my boot all up in your ass!

*100 bonus points if you know the movie part of that last line is from… bonus points have no value, fyi*

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Pope appologies for sex abuse scandal...

This one couldn’t wait until the Saturday Twit News post. Knowing my luck it’ll be the only good article this week, but oh well.


“During his U.K. visit, Benedict XVI says he is ashamed of priests' "unspeakable" sexual abuse of children.”

I’m going to keep this one short… if the Pope is ashamed of the priests’ sexual abuse of children then he, and the Vatican, can QUIT SUPPORTING THEM! The priests already have a rule where they can’t get married or they lose their priesthood, make another that says if you molest children you lose it too! Quit buying them the best lawyers, quit giving them back their jobs when they get out of jail, or, quite possibly the most sickening, when a scandal comes up they just move the priest to a new district that doesn’t know about his pedophilic tendencies.

They get charged with child molestation then suspend their priesthood until the government of the country they’re in finds them guilty or innocent. And if found guilty then take their priesthood from them! If found innocent, then by all means give it back, I’m not for punishing the innocent.

But it’s not like this is a new issue, the priests have been doing this long enough it’s actually become a card for other sex offenders… “…well… I was raped by a priest when I was a child…”

If the Catholic Church, the Vatican, and the Pope want to actually show how “ashamed” they are of the unspeakable sexual abuse of children then they need to purge their ranks of these child abusing monsters! Until then, actions speak louder then any words you say and by keeping them in your church you show silent approval of what they’re doing.

Now, before I get grief from any Catholics. I have Catholic friends; they’re very cool for the most part, we don’t always agree on religious stuff obviously, but we get along fine.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I say we bring back a proud Roman tradition and give the pedophile priests to the lions.

TWitN: 9/11/10-9/17/10

Yes, this is a long one actually. It was going to be a really short one until yesterday when the news decided to go "Have some fun shit!!!"

This week in the news! A tiny cat village has over 660 cats, they’re so cute. Lady Gaga and John McCain have a media fight over Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. The Queen of England is having lunch with an insane criminal; I don’t write them I just report them. A teenager in NC (NC again? Why does all the interesting stuff happen there when I’m not there anymore?) is having legal issues with her “religious” nose piercing. And finally a woman sneaks into a MAXIMUM SECURITY JAIL to confront the felon believed to be linked to her missing daughter’s fate. How. The. Fuck.

~Caboodle Ranch in Madison County, Florida is home to over 600 abandoned and stray kitties! They are all kept up to date on their shots, and all are fixed so as to not create any more cats… which would quickly multiply into the thousands with so many cats living there otherwise. The ranch is set up like a cute little village. It has a city hall, Walmart (complete with cat food cans in the carts), streets, houses, etc etc. It was unintentionally founded by Craig Grant and is supported strictly on Craig’s out of pocket expenses and donations. The cats are not up for adoption. They all have a home at the ranch. Mr. Grant recommends going to an animal shelter to get find a pet cat if you want one… where they’re on death row. The ranch IS open to visitors, although you should remember it’s not a tourist attraction, he says he gets about 30 visitors a month or so. So everybody go visit the kitties and give him donations! His website is http://www.caboodleranch.com/ and there’s a Facebook also you can visit, but I’m not giving you a Facebook link.

~Lady Gaga and John McCain are going back and forth over the upcoming Senate vote to repeal the gloriously stupid Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (henceforth referred to as DADT) policy. McCain is threatening to filibuster at the Senate, for those that are ignorant to politics that’s where he doesn’t shut his trap long enough for them to vote. And Gaga is using Twitter to get her “Lil Monsters”, her pet name for her fans, to call up their Senators and tell them to get their asses to the Senate to vote! Why she wants them all to go vote is a Senate majority (60 out of the 100) can force the idiot trying to filibuster to shut the fuck up!

Now that that’s out of the way, I actually don’t mind DADT. There’s no real reason to be telling your sexual orientation unless you’re supposed to seduce somebody for a mission. When you’re serving in the military you’re working, you don’t tell you’re gay, and nobody can ask if you’re gay. Fine. Your sexual orientation has absolutely no place when you’re off in another country doing Goddess knows what for the military. That being said, I think that if it’s found out you’re gay that you get discharged is complete BULLSHIT! Oh, John there gets a stiffy over guys instead of girls… DEAL WITH IT! If you’re straight then he doesn’t want you, so why does it matter? What are you going to do when you get out of the military and work in civilian society? Gay people work the same places as straight people and they can’t be fired for it unlike in our oh so progressive military. You fire a guy because he’s gay and you’ll be visited by the ACLU stupid fast. This is the military, you’re all adults, grow the fuck up!

~The Queen of England is having lunch with an insane criminal… now… here’s the link.

Yes, that’s the insane criminal in the photo is the Pope. I don’t even have to touch this one really with all the protests happening in England. People are calling for him to be arrested for crimes against humanity, for an old thing he put out telling the church to cover up the priests “interaction with the young”, for his willing activity in the Nazi Youth when he was younger. So I’m not going to really touch this article. I will say this though. Why is it that Jesus supposedly always enters the body of somebody always so damn old? Every Pope I’ve ever seen elected (oh, yea, and who Jesus enters is evidently elected also!) is some old guy that looks like he’s about to fall over. If Jesus can enter the body of people why doesn’t he pick some 23 year old buff guy that’s going to live for more then a decade or 2? Personal theory is that they can’t elect a young Pope because he might have some progressive thoughts!


~ http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_rel_piercing_church Girl has a nose piercing, it violates the school dress code, blah blah, religion, blah blah, violates First Amendment, blah blah, Church of Body Modification… wha?

The Church of Body Modification? You’re kidding right? I did read over the site. And to me it sounds more like a way to get around business and school dress codes then a religion. It is true that various faiths have ritual body modification; the one that first comes to mind is a couple of ones I don’t know the names of that have ritual tattooing. Look it up yourself.

“The Church of Body Modification represents a collection of members practicing ancient and modern body modification rites. We believe these rites are essential to our spirituality. Practicing body modification and engaging in body manipulation rituals strengthen the bond between mind, body, and soul. By doing so, we ensure that we live as spiritually complete and healthy individuals.”

I call bullshit. The main reason I call bullshit is that other then them practicing ancient and modern body modification rites it doesn’t say a thing about what they believe! You could make anything a religion like that… how about drinking?!

“The Church of Alcoholism represents a collection of members practicing ancient and modern brewing methods and alcohol rites. We believe these rites are essential to our spirituality. Practicing brewing and engaging in alcohol rituals strengthen the bond between mind, body, and soul. By doing so, we ensure that we live as spiritually complete and healthy individuals.”

And yes, I can name a few religions that have alcohol rituals too… like oh, how about various forms of Christianity and Paganism. Christianity has where the wine is turned into Jesus’s blood and drunk from a communal cup. And Pagans have various ones, the most common is taking a sip out of a communal cup before rituals.

~The mother of missing American teen Natalee Holloway sneaked into a maximum security Peruvian jail and had a chat with Joran van der Sloot about her daughter's fate. Joran is in jail for murdering a woman, and is the main suspect in the disappearance of Holloway’s daughter. She snuck in with some documentary filmmaker who isn’t really worth mentioning and made it all the way to the guy’s cell and talked to him for 5 minutes before the staff found and removed her.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU SNEAK INTO A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON?!?!?!?!? You aren’t supposed to be able to sneak in or out of those places without setting off a few hundred alarms. You know if she snuck in that means people can sneak out! And I’ll bet you that the only reason they found and removed her (and probably the guy too) is because they were doing their scheduled rounds, turned the corner and went “OH FUCK ONE OF THE INMATES IS FREE!!!!!!!” The woman is lucky that she and the other dude didn’t just get turned into Swiss cheese! I seriously wonder how many people have escaped and had it covered up if her and some film maker without any special training managed to sneak in that far.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m going to get completely, and utterly ratassed at the Church of Alcoholism.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Random Ass Post

Stuff that just happens in my life is not going to get posted on here much. Why? Because it’s generally not funny.


I was in my damn kitchen, making a damn lasagna, and they tried to drop my kitchen’s damn light covering on my damn head!!!!! Damn… did I say damn enough? Damn-it I’m not sure.

They’re trying to kill me for blasphemy! I put feta cheese on the lasagna, so, in their divine VENGENCE they decided to drop a 5lb chunk of glass upon my head!

There was a pop! And then the light got brighter and THUD! And the Gods of the Unholy Lasagna missed!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU MISSED DO YOU HEAR ME!?

Oh damn… lasagna lightning… BOOM!

This has been Gwen, your damn pissed off, ranting redhead. And this post was brought to you by damn blunt force head trauma.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

TWitN: 9/4/10-9/10/10

This week in the news! A pastor in Florida plans to burn the Quran on September 11th (update, it’s been postponed). A US student tries to electrocute himself, evidently he didn’t try hard enough. Screaming children are BANNED from a restaurant in NC, WAHHHHHHHH!!!!! And Canada unveils a new speed bump, you gotta see it to believe it.

~Top story! A pastor in Gainesville, Florida was planning on hosting a Quran burning at his church on 9/11. “Was” being the key word, it’s been postponed due to political pressure, I’m still reporting it though. Come on, really? You’re going to make it this easy?! Is the pastor fucking stupid?! I think he’s drunk too much of Jesus’ blood. Remember a few years back when somebody made a comic that satirized Allah? The Muslim community in the Middle East went APE SHIT! You can’t do shit like this and not expect there to be repercussions! The Middle East is not the fucking US or Europe. They still have blasphemy laws.

In short, unless you want to add even more people to the ranks of the terrorist groups and have more of them trying to shoot at the soldiers we have over in the Middle East then DON’T FUCKING DO IT ASSHOLE! Or how about this... we can paint your religion in the same heavy handed paint brush you’re painting the Muslims with! All Christians are abortion doctor shooting, Quran burning, childing molesting, funeral protesting psychos. And, in protest, I am going to host a Bible burning on December 25th. Next story.

(Note: I’m not really hosting a Bible burning or believe the last line above… I’m proving a point.)

~“An American student whose heart stopped after he deliberately electrocuted himself in a science class is suing his teacher for not warning him it was dangerous.”

“Dubois and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not tell him and other students of the dangers of the demonstration power cords in their electrical trades class.”

The kid by the way is 18 and did it on a dare (he’d get a Mountain Dew for doing it…). You know, at 18, if you don’t know electricity will kill you then you need to shove a fork into an electric socket. It’s an electrical trades class!!!! Being in it to begin with means you are going to be working in some profession that deals with the electrical field! I sure as hell would never hire this kid if he doesn’t know electricity kind of hurts!

Oh, ahuck ahuck, I’ll get a free pop if I put these here 2 clamps on my nipples and turn it on? Swell! I get a free pop! Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-ZAP!!!!

And moving on.

~The Olde Salty restaurant in Carolina Beach, North Carolina has posted a new rule for its restaurant. “Screaming Children Will NOT Be Tolerated!” I am going to get a lot of flack for this, but I think it ROCKS! I think it needs to be put into effect in a few other places, like movie theaters.

Now, let me explain. On the one hand if you have a baby then when they’re crying it’s normally that they want food, sleep, a diaper change, or to be cuddled. And assuming you’re a good parent you’re going to try to get them to be quiet. I doubt that I or the restaurant would get on you about it if you’re trying to quiet them down. On the other hand if you have an older child that screams like a banshee because they’re not getting what they want then, or you’re just ignoring it then you need to be drug outside and beat until your 2 brain cells rub together.

I get this at work, there’s a person that always brings their 2 children along, 1 is a toddler, the other is probably preschool-kindergarten age. The older kid screams from the time she walks into the store to the time they leave! I know why the restaurant put this rule into effect… it’s because the other patrons don’t want to hear your hell spawn screaming their entire meal. There’s nothing like going to a nice sit down restaurant, paying $15+ a meal, before beverages and tip, and having some child screaming behind you the entire time. If you can’t control your child then either: go somewhere for kids where one more screaming child won’t matter, hire a babysitter, or stay the fuck home!

~And the final story. Canada unveils a new speed bump, an optical illusion of a child. This one needs to be seen to be believed…


I am sure it will work, for a little while. After about the first month everybody is going to be used to it and drive over “Pavement Patty” without a second thought. Then this is going to happen.

Somebody is driving down the road. “Oh look, they put in another one of those painted speed bumps.” *THUMP THUMP* “OH MY GOD!!!! I RAN OVER A CHILD!!!!!!!!”

That is what is going to happen! You are conditioning people to run over children, in real life! This isn’t a video game, this isn’t on a TV screen, this is in real life! I hope guys get this thing removed before people start running people over without realizing they were real, and not some stupid 3D painting on the ground.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And now I’m waiting for GTA 37(or whatever number they’re up to) where all the speed bumps are painting of kids on the road.

Monday, September 6, 2010

TWitN: 8/28/10-9/3/10

Ok, this is a little late, I’ve been busy. And there’s going to be a date change on these… from now on they’re going to be posted on Saturday.

This week in the news! A company is caught writing fake reviews for its customers, nice job idiots. Drake University has a new ad campaign; you’re going to love this. And you can bite me but I’m going to fangirl over the mystery article.

First off! “A high-profile public relations firm in the video game industry, Reverb Communications represents major clients like Harmonix and MTV Games, as well as their products, such as Rock Band. They also represent smaller studios that sell games through the iTunes Store.”

“According to the FTC, Reverb employees posed as regular users and posted fake user reviews about their clients' games on the iTunes store.”

I just want to say congrats to Reverb for their AMAZING show of trustworthiness. I mean after all… if you’re going to go that far to make sure your clients get good reviews you MUST be a fantastic company. And I’m sure all the games you faked reviews for are completely awesome. And for those too dense to pick up on the sarcasm the company is idiotic and should’ve known that they’d get caught! What were you thinking?! Did you go; “Oh look! This game sucks! Fuck it, lets fake some good reviews anyways.” Not that I get games from the iTunes store, but if I did I sure as hell would avoid any that were given reviews by this oh so crappy company.

Next story. Drake University has a new ad campaign to get people to come to their school… its called D+. “The Drake Advantage: Your potential + our opportunities” equals what? Does it equal a D+? Did your advertising department COMPLETELY fucking forget that a D+ is just above failing? Or did you guys train your advertising department yourself? You’d think that a university wouldn’t want to advertise ANYTHING they do as being a D+. You guys must be kind of low on the grading scale. I sure hope you don’t train medical staff there… it might be kind of scary if you’re having surgery from somebody that went to D+ University.

And now… I must fangirl. METROID OTHER M WAS RELEASED ON THE 31ST! I love the Metroid series, exploring everywhere, jumping around, some decent puzzles. Ridley is back as always, being the badass dragon thing that he is. The main character from the Metroid series is Samus Aran, and this installment of the series actually tells about her past, which up until this game fans have only gotten little pieces of. And, for the feminists out there, Samus Aran was the FIRST female video game hero(although you didn’t find that out in the first game until the end of the game when she was shown without her helmet).

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’ll bet you money the Reverb guys are graduates from D+ University.

Sunday, September 5, 2010


I had a dream last night…

Just a normal dream, not the one where I take over the planet, or turn all my enemies into Skittles and taste the rainbow… this was just a normal dream.

I made a sandwich and ate it… a pastrami sandwich if you really want to know.

Evidently… I went to bed hungry last night.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m FUCKING BORING! *throws hands up and walks away*

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Powerpuff Girls!

I was playing my game the other day, just playing my game, Guild Wars, cause that’s what geeks with no money do instead of WoW. So anyways I was playing my game and a guild member starts talking about old cartoons. She went through a couple them and then said the opening line for the Powerpuff Girls. And THAT’S when I realized it!

"Sugar, and spice, and everything nice." That’s the line...


Rum is nice! Rum is very nice! Rum and coke is even nicer!

That’s what the "Chemical X" is, its RUM!!!!!

It also explains some of their enemies. An overgrown monkey with a brain coming out his skull, a gang that is green, I think they even had an enemy made of snot.

You'd have to be drunk to hallucinate these things as enemies! And I blame the RUM!!!!

This has been Gwen, your very… very drunk, ranting redhead. And I'm gonna drink me a Powerpuff Girl. *hic*

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Guide to using a Self Checkout

Apparently people do not know how to use a self checkout. How this is possible is beyond me, it does have instructions on the screen, evidently you genui can’t read.

READ THE SCREEN AND LISTEN TO THE VOICE!!!! The screen and that nice little voice tell you exactly what to do. If its not letting you scan your items then read… you do know how to do that right? Or listen to the voice telling you what to do.

Both the scanner and the bagging area are scales; they’re sensitive to .01 lb changes. You can not scan when there is weight on the scanner, or when the weight on the bagging area is changing/wrong. Keep your delightful little screaming children off the bagging area if you don’t want to be here all day.

If you hit “Skip Bagging” don’t put the item in the bagging area. Skip bagging means you’re *gasp* not putting it in the bagging area… in other words its going back in your cart. If you hit skip bagging and then put it there anyways you get to wait for me to clear your weight difference in the bagging area.

Do you want to know how much your child weighs? No? Then keep them from sitting on the bagging area or I WILL offer to tell you.

My machines are not psychic… you have to tell them when you’re ready to pay and how you wish to pay… card, check, cash, or soul’s of the innocent.

Unless you’re old, handicapped, or I take a liking to you you’re scanning your own stuff. I’ll scan the big items for you so you don’t have to lift them and help with the produce numbers, but no matter how much you whine or glare you’re still checking out your own stuff if you come to the SELF CHECKOUT.

If you have 2 or more carts full go to a regular lane. You’re going to take a good 15 minutes checking out, get annoyed (because you’re not reading the screen/listening to the voice), and greatly increase the wait time of the other people I’m calling over to my 4 lanes.

I’m running 4 lanes at once; when we get busy I try to draw as many people to my lanes as possible to take the strain off the regular lanes. I’m good at keeping my lanes going. That being said if all 4 of the lanes decide they want my attention at the same time (coupons, errors, checks, check ID, take booze if it’s Sunday, dispense change, replace paper, chasing the neurotic monkeys away from the bananas, get the idea?) you may have to wait a minute before I can get to your particular issue.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And would you like to know how much your darling child weighs? 68.2 lbs.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

TWitN: 8/20/10-8/27/10

You know, sometimes the news just doesn’t cooperate. This week we had a rare tornado… and that’s about it that’s really worth talking about. Yes, I have you something else for you to read also. But nothing fantastic. God damn people need to be more interesting!!!!!

TOP STORY!!! An extremely rare fire tornado is caught on film in Brazil! Video plays after a commercial, and only shows the fire tornado for the first 10 seconds of it.


Am I the only one that thinks it looks like it's from a Pokemon game? Usually I’d leave weather related events alone but it actually looks damn cool as long as you’re not in its path. And you better have known this was coming… CHARMANDER GO!!! FIRESPIN!!!

In other news! A woman has 3 crocodiles as pets and a husband. The husband sincerely hopes that he will not be fed to the crocodiles in the future. The crocodiles commented that they anxiously await yummy husband nom.

Yes, that’s it, nothing more to report! See you next week.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Let me be honest… I don’t know anything about fashion. The tree outside my living room knows more about fashion then I do. I wear what I like, not what’s “fashionable”. That said I am going to talk about a certain “fashion” I’ve seen recently.

I first started seeing it on guys about a month ago. The guys are in their 20s… the age where they’re highly prone to displaying their bodies any way possible if they’re muscled. I blew it off as another silly thing that guys do and that was it… That was until I started seeing women wearing the same fashion this week.

Oh, I forgot to mention the fashion. Take a tank top, cut the sides from armpit to about an inch from the bottom and there you go. Now toss it on a female body with nothing but a sports bra under it and you have the female version of the fashion.

Seriously… a bikini top in summer is acceptable. A top that shows enough cleavage that you’re a beacon for every eye in the room is a kind of slutty but ok. This just makes you look like white trash. If you walked around in nothing but a sports bra for a top it wouldn’t be half as trashy as this! At least then people would assume you were just working out.

Ok, ok, I know we can get away with wearing pretty much anything a guy can. But just as a lot of clothing is female specific some things, like this, are male specific! Even on males it looks stupid but it doesn’t look trashy.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I am not cutting up any of my tops so I can create an example picture for this post.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I went to Meijers today, Meijers is a store like Walmart for those that don’t have them where you live. Why? I was shopping… and they had some sales I wanted to check out. And I saw this on one of their signs in the store: Playtex Women’s Boxed Bras $X.XX

This got me thinking, if they specify the bras are for women does that mean that Playtex makes bras for men? Or even that there are bras for men? I was not aware there were bras for men. And no, transgenders and crossdressers don’t count for that, they’re becoming female and playing female respectively so they count as women for this!

I mean seriously, is some guy going to go into a store, wander it for an hour before hitting lingerie and since it doesn’t say “women” on the sign go “Well it dun’t say women on it so it must be meant for me!!!!” and Billy-Bob wanders up to the checkout with his new bra.

Ok, in all seriousness I have seen guys with bigger boobs then I have, and could probably use a bra. Hell, I’ve seen guys with bigger boobs then Britney Spears had after her boob job. But guys don’t wear them! They make a habit of going around topless even when they're hairier then monkeys and can scar small children! So there is no reason to put “women’s” on a bra advertisement! It’s a given, like the government being corrupt and door to door Jehova Witnesses having door slammed in their faces.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead, and if you’ll excuse me I'm going to go watch Leo buy himself a bra… just because I find it funny.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

TWitN: 8/13/10-8/19/10

~This is a new little thing I’ve been thinking of doing for a while, I usually find a few news articles a week that I think are worth commenting on, but rarely have enough to say on them to bother making a post. So they’re all going to be going into one of these a week.

For those that do read this blog here is what you WON’T find in these: celebrity drama unless they do something worth talking about(Michael Vick’s dog fighting for example), sports crap, things on movies, and whatever else I think is crap.~

This week! Antibiotic resistant bacteria are invading the US, big surprise there. Teens are losing their hearing. And the Miss Universe pageant is going R-Rated, probably the only good news all week.

The contestants for the Miss Universe pageant did some body painting photos and *gasp* since quite a few of the countries they’re from are comfortable with nudity some of the photos are topless! OMFG! Naked breasts! With body paint on them! MY VIRGIN EYES ARE GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!! You know, for a country obsessed with sex we sure are anal about actually seeing a little flesh. Have you never seen yourself/gf/spouse naked? Grow up. *strips topless, flicks my bra at you, and moves onto the next story*

I’ve already covered this one in my previous post but I’ll do it again. Teens are showing minor hearing loss due to playing the music over their headphones too god damn loud. Wow! You put something IN your ear and blast it loud enough it can be heard in China and its going to damage your ears? Say wha? The only surprising thing is that they haven’t released this “study” sooner.

And the final story for this week! Bacteria from India that is resistant to almost every anti-biotic we know of has made its way to the US and UK. Personally I’d bet money that it originated from somebody from the UK/US that visited India, bred, and now has made its way back home to roost. I don’t know about you but its no surprise to me that some super-mega-uber bug has grown, when people go to the doctor to get drugs when they have a fucking cold instead of just letting the shit work its way out you’re going to end up with something nasty.

That’s all for this week. This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead and… oh, why not. BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS!!!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Teens + Music = Hearing Loss?


Have you guys seen this shit? Minor hearing loss in teens… who would’ve seen this one coming? Oh, that’s right, anybody with a fucking brain!

Oh my god! NOBODY could’ve seen this happening! Wow! You put something IN your ear and blast it loud enough it can be heard in China and its going to damage your ears? Say wha? Parents have been telling their kids this since there were walkmen! You play your music too loud and its going to hurt your hearing, and oh, look… they were right, AGAIN!

I like loud music, I really do. I play the music from my computer and in my car loud. I have a MP3 player too, but I don’t play it loud from my headphones!

Honestly there’s not a helluva lot more I can say on this one.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And my hearing is just fine… AND WHATS THAT BUZZING!!!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Checking out fast at the grocery store.

Like I said in the last post, I work at a grocery store. What most people that don’t work register at a grocery store don’t know is that we get graded on how fast we get you through the lane. So it’s not just you that wants to get you through quickly, we want to also. So… for your benefit, here’s how to check out faster.

~ First and foremost, if the place has a “loyalty card”, such as Harris Teeter, Food Lion, Meijers, Krogers, etc etc. then know where the thing is and have it ready! If you have to search for the thing for 2 minutes after we finish scanning your items that means that’s another 2 minutes you, and everybody behind you, has to wait.

~ Most of your groceries are not fragile. You really don’t have to be super careful placing them on the belt. Unless they’re eggs, bread, chips, or anything else that you can easily squish/crunch you can pretty much just dump it on the belt. Because trust me, if the cashier is going to speed, the items more or less get scanned and just dumped onto the 2nd belt assuming they’re not breakable.

~ Some places allow you to just put one of an item on the belt and tell us how many you have if you’re getting a bunch. 2-liters of pop are a good example. If you’re getting 30 2-liters put one of each kind on the belt and tell me how many you have… you don’t want to pick them all up and put them on the belt, and I don’t want to scan every one of them.

~ Try to keep like items together. Cans, frozen goods, produce, etc. It may not get you checked out any faster, but it’ll mean that for the most part they’ll get bagged together so it’s easier to put away when you get home.

~ I can’t pay attention to everything. I am supposed to scan your items, chat with you, look for coupons, and make sure you don’t forget anything under your cart… all at the same time. If it ends up on my belt, I’m going to scan it. If you have small children, WATCH THEM! I am not responsible if your child drops a bunch of candy on the belt and you didn’t want it.

~ And finally if you don’t look at least 50 in my state I have to ID you for alcohol. If you don’t look at least 27 I have to card you for tobacco. If you don’t like it, complain to your government representatives. Honestly, I don’t like having to card 30-40 year olds for alcohol, but I will to not get in legal trouble and keep my job.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I haven’t had much to bitch about lately… work is good, I love my new apartment, and in general life is pretty nice at the moment. Does that mean I won’t be writing any more rants? NOOOOOOOO!!!!! That just mean you people are going to try harder to give me something to write about evidently!

I work at a grocery store, what one I don’t feel like saying, as a cashier. Its fun, nothing like getting paid to flirt more or less. Unfortunately in the last week we’ve had some clients that need to have a biohazard sign hung on them! I’m serious, these people had an aura of STANK surrounding them that was so foul that the flies were getting high off them!

For those that don’t know there is a difference between “stink” and “stank”. Stink is “dude… you smell a little ripe.” Stank is “OMFG! I need the Constitutional right to spray you down with Lysol before I pass the fuck out!” Ok, here’s a hint to everybody out there. When you are at the grocery checkout and the cashier visibly takes a step back whenever they’re not handing you something that means you need to walk your cottage cheese smelling ass to the hygiene aisle and get some deodorant!

I had been of the assumption that the reason we had so many smelly people coming in was due to the weather… last week was hot enough to melt the fucking pavement after all. That and sometimes the larger members of society sweat more and smell more. I was just going to leave it at that but then yesterday rolled around! Yesterday was in the 70s, was nice… and we still had people like that coming in! The worst one was a woman only a little bit larger then me, and I’m freaking tiny.

Seriously people, you don’t need to be afraid of soap, it’s not going to hurt you.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead… and I’m going to go get a can of Lysol.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Welcome everybody once again to my little corner of insanity. This particular lil rant was brought to you by me, the religious nuts, and the military recruiter that decided that decided a good friend was somebody he might convince to join up. Enjoy! :D

Ok, I consider myself a fairly reasonable person, but there are a few things that piss me off... racists, blue laws, a government so corrupt if it was fruit it would be a pile of rotten sludge, and people that try to sell me shit. I can't do a damn thing about most of that list... but I take great pleasure in tormenting the people that try to sell me random shit (except the Girl Scouts, cause they sell cookies :D).

Telemarketers! There’s nothing like a good telemarketer. I mean you only have TV, radio, billboards, newspapers, websites, movies, about every other medium I can think of and the slightly psychotic Amazon witch doctor down the street trying to sell you shit, why not add them calling you on the phone too?! They call you up, usually during dinner, or early enough that us nocturnal people are still zombie-like, and try to sell you stuff. Credit cards, time shares, vacations... doesn't really matter which since most intelligent people have the sense to just hang up on these spawn of Satan. Personally I say have some fun! Just about every phone has caller ID now, remember which numbers are the marketers and think up something insane. Be evil! Use your imagination! Let the sadism loose! Have them end up calling a murder scene... "I'm sorry but Mr/s. Smith is dead, this is the scene of a murder, can you stay on the line please..." and mess with them for a while. Or there’s always my personal favorite... "Thank you for calling the Satanic Ritual Helpline. If you are having trouble contacting Satan, press 1 now..." I have yet to have any nice little telemarketer stay on the line long enough to reach "press 1".

Evangelists (of any faith)! You know, its kind of pathetic that you can actually sell RELIGION! How one gets in touch with Deity has been reduced to people going around and trying to convert people. Them selling it isn't even what pisses me off, its how they go about doing it. I'll use Christianity as the example, but don't think for a second they're the only group that pulls this shit.
~"Become a (insert sect) or your going to Hell!"
~Handing out the little pamphlets that are a complete waste of time and paper.
~"Come to (insert church) and save your soul."
~Various Bible(or for other religions their holy book of choice) quotes they use to try and justify them pushing their beliefs on people of other religions

I could go on but why bother? None of their stuff works and just alienates their group even more. Here... try this, be respectful, don't tell us we're going to go to hell, don't sound like you just escaped from Arkum Asylum, and if the person isn't interested shut the hell up! And don’t print out a few thousand of those little pamphlets/books to give out. Any self respecting person is going to glance at it and ball it up in front of you, or (depending on how insulting they want to be) use it as a tissue and offer it back. You may not get them, but if you do the above you may convince somebody else that’s around that your place isn't half bad.

Ok, last one, I promise. Military recruiters! Everybody knows about the military, they know they can join up and make a decent wage. There are enough ads on TV channels aimed at my age group that it would be an impossibility for them not to know. So we don't need you guys going around to try to sell it to us! There are a number of things I have heard about various recruiters... lies, promises, and cheating on the tests to get people in. And to the military's credit they thrash the guy’s career when they find out, so out of respect I won't mention any particular case. But what recruiter in their right mind would think my friend Rick a good potential mark? The hair longer then most women's should be a clear indication that he's NOT a good target! And don't give me the crap about “serving your country”! There is more then one way to "serve your country"! Voting, is serving your country. Joining the military, is serving your country. Opening a business and contributing to the failing economy is serving your country. Not becoming a permanent leech on Social Services and having enough kids to fill a small country is serving your country!

And any combination of the above 3... telemarketers selling me religion, or telemarketers selling me the military, are the most evil of all things.

Ok guys, I'm out, I gotta go call the telemarketers and try to sell them a slightly used religious pamphlet.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Warning Labels

I love warning labels. Actually, I just love how blatantly stupid warning labels are… and the incredible amount of stupidity that comes with them.

“Warning: Contains peanuts” on a jar of salted peanuts. I would certainly hope it contained peanuts! It’s kind of heavy for a jar of air.

“Warning: Contents hot” on a Styrofoam cup of hot coffee. Personally I would be kind of pissed if my hot coffee wasn’t hot.

“Warning: Electric shock. Do not operate while showering” on a blow drier. Wouldn’t that be kind of counter productive?

And the one that is inspiring this topic that I read last night... “Warning: Do not leave driver’s seat while cruise control is engaged.” in an RV owner’s manual. Evidently the guy that caused it to get added went to the back while the RV was still moving to get coffee…

I mean seriously… how dense do you have to be?! Those are just some that I remember. There are worse ones out there. And all these stupid labels come about because people get hurt and sue (and win…) because they were too stupid to use common sense. Personally I think they got what they deserved! Yes, the jar of peanuts contains peanuts, the Styrofoam coffee cup has hot coffee in it and is easily crushed, the blow drier will fry your ass if you put it in water, and the RV is not going to turn itself!

Seriously… warning labels should be for things you wouldn’t expect. Engine may overheat/explode if driven over 100 mph, dog food may spontaneously combust if gotten wet and left to rot, taking this drug may give you an urge to gamble(don’t remember the drug, but was for restless leg syndrome)!

People like this…

are NOT cause for a warning label! They are what is called natural selection.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead, and I blame you for my warning label… “Warning: Contains insanity”.

First Post

Ah, the first post... I guarantee this will be my worst one. A lot of the postings are going to be re-postings from a previous blog I'm closing out. I only write when my muse speaks to me... or when I'm pissed off.

Most of them are funny, or at least the people that read them thought so. So without further ado I'll go post the first one.