Cartoons

I miss cartoons. Yes, I know there are still cartoons on TV, but they’re not the same anymore.

I miss good cartoons. The old ones. I miss the cartoons where they didn’t want to make me bash people’s heads in with a brick. Let me explain.

Looney Tunes! They had no real plot for most of them. Occasionally you’d get a Bugs Bunny movie that was long enough to have an actual plot, but aside from those the plot was along the lines of: Elmer Fudd wants to hunt Bugs Bunny, Wlie E. Coyote wants to get some yummy Road Runner nom, etc. And the cartoons revolved around that! No continuity between cartoons other then their basic rivalries (Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck/Elmer Fudd/Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner, Tom and Jerry) and that was it! They were basic, they were funny, and they were adaptable.

Cartoon

Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Duck season.
Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Duck season.
Daffy: Wabbit season!
Bugs: Wabbit season.
Daffy: Duck season! FIRE!
Elmer Fudd: *BANG!!!!*
Daffy: … You’re despicable.

How many times did a scene like that play out? A lot! You knew how it was going to end, but it was still funny, partially because they always had something different happen to Daffy after the blast.

Some of the characters were intelligent (Bugs Bunny! THE original smartass!), some of them were a little dense (such as Elmer Fudd). But they were fun and played out their parts beautifully.

How about Tom the cat in blackface. Jerry had this fantastically funny habit of blowing Tom up and when he’d pull his face out of whatever he stuck it in and got blown up he’d be in blackface. It was funny! You saw it coming and it was still funny! Or how about Wile E. Coyote crashing headlong into a wall or going over a cliff to “poof” when he hit the ground always after some elaborate (and ultimately ineffectual) way to catch Road Runner.

Now you don’t have them anymore! Ok, you do, but they’re not the same. Guns are bad, and parents freak out at the sight of a gun in a cartoon. So if Elmer Fudd even gets to fire his gun you never see it hit anything. Blackface is evidently racist (don’t know how it’s racist, I’ve never seen a black person that was actually, you know, BLACK) so Tom no longer shows up in blackface, he starts to pull his head out and the scene cuts away. Violence is wrong and has no place in society so now Wile E Coyote falls over the cliff to his (almost) doom and you never see him hit the ground… no “poof”, the scene just ends!

AND I THINK IT SUCKS!!!!

No, now we have to have politically correct cartoons that are a good fucking influence. Cartoons that lack any kind of spark. Now we have *drumroll* SPONGE BOB!!!!!!

Fuck me up the ass!

Sponge Bob is such a piece of shit it’s pathetic. It has a plot but it SUCKS! He’s a retarded (literally) piece of sponge that talks, goes about his life, and shit like that. Oh, and one of his friends is a weasel that lives in dome on the bottom of the ocean. You can find more cognitive thought from a 5 year old then from Sponge Bob! And this is what cartoons are now folks!

Oh, and we’re talking cartoons for those past toddler age, so I’m not including Dora the Explorer, Bob the Builder, or anything like that. Those are for a very young age, unlike Looney Tunes and (supposedly) Sponge Bob.

“What about anime! You’re leaving out anime!” No, I’m not. Anime does not count as cartoons in my opinion. It is a different style entirely. Anime is closer to a standard TV series then cartoons. They have a plot that goes through the entire series (WE MUST STOP NARAKU!!!!!). I like some anime, but a lot of it I view the same as regular TV (since that what it actually is, just animate)… it sucks.

Back to cartoons! And specifically Looney Tunes! When was the last time you saw a cartoon that could send a message relevant to the time period? Probably never! Because the shit they play now is too dumbbed down to be able to pull it off. Looney Tunes used to play some cartoons that were time-period specific. There was one Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is flying a plane, and at the end is about to crash land and then his plane stops in midair, he jumps out and goes “Sorry folks, you know how these A-Cards are.” An A-Card was a gas ration during WW2. You couldn’t do anything like that with cartoons today because they’re not smart enough or flexible enough anymore to be able to pull shit like that and still stay in the character’s general way of thinking! Could you see Sponge Bob managing to pull off a War in Iraq reference? NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAUSE HE’S STUPID! He’s a couple dozen IQ points lower then your bottom feeder politician!

On the flip side there were some incredibly racist Looney Tunes cartoons, at the time they were viewed as just fine, not anymore, and I’m glad they don’t play them anymore. What is relevant and acceptable at one time is not the same for another.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And… SPONGE SEASON! FIRE!!!! *BANG!*