I don't know what to say...

You know, I sat on this particular article for a week thinking of how to properly respond to it. It was too important to make the Twit News… and the fact that I have kind of been neglecting the Twit News due to real life things. The article in question is this

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2010/11/26/us-judge-says-lesbians-can-be-cured-by-male-soldiers/

Make sure you read through it, it’s only about a page on Microsoft Word.

My very first thought was… unprintable, even for me. No, that’s not a threat, nor is it a command for my lovely little minions to go do anything to him. You all know exactly who you are. It was just my first thought… then I thought of something better.

Now Judge Rapist, oh, sorry Judge Joe Rehyansky is openly advocating the “corrective” rape of lesbians because in his insane line of thinking after they’re raped enough they’ll become straight. Personally it would just make me want to stake you to the ground with honey on your dick next to a fire ant hill, but that’s just me. But Judge Rapist thinks that it’s a good way to “cure” lesbians of liking women.

Well then! If that’s a good way to convert lesbians to being straight then it sounds like a good way to turn straight men gay! Lets get together some of the biggest bears from the gay community and have them ass rape you until you turn gay. By your own line of thinking it WILL work, so they get to continue pounding your ass until you want the dick!

I know what the issue is, this pathetic excuse of a judge got turned down too many times by lesbians and now he’s bitter. His military record, being a judge, and his manhood (probably all 1 ½ inches of it) couldn’t sway the lesbians he found hot into his bed so now he wants to force them. Here Judge Shrinkydink. I’ll buy you a strap on, maybe it’ll help with your little dick complex!

This judge needs to have his robes taken from him and any rape cases that came before him re-evaluated. Anybody that thinks like that, much less openly advocates it in a public forum, does not need to be making decisions about other people’s lives.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh… come here big boy, you’ll do nicely. I have JUST the guy you should meet.


~I do not advocate ass raping this piss poor judge, nor staking him down with honey on his dick. I DO advocate firing him and bringing him up on possible charges though.

Fashion 2

I wrote something on fashion when I first started this blog, my knowledge on fashion has not exactly changed much in 3 months. But I feel the need to comment on a couple of the “fashions” I’ve seen recently.

~Comfort pants: Call them whatever the hell you want, but they look like fucking pajama bottoms. Did you just roll out of bed? Obviously not since your top half is dressed decently. Are you pregnant? It would be understandable if you were wearing them while pregnant, baby belly is no where near comfortable. But you’re only a little bigger then me… and male. I put this one in the same category as wearing pants so baggy they’re falling off you… pure stupid and fucking lazy.

~The “Snooki Poof”: This one originated from Jersey Shores (or whatever show she’s on, I can’t be bothered to look it up) on, duh, Snooki. The producers must have been laughing themselves shitless when they thought up this hairdo… and then done that anime question mark above the head when women started copying it! If you don’t know what I’m talking about its this

Oh, I’m a tumor, I’m a tumor. I’mmmmmm a tumor, I’m a tumor! Seriously! The first time I saw it I thought “That poor woman” because I thought she had a decidedly large tumor! And then I saw more women with it and realized it was a terribly bad hairstyle. You people seriously look like you have a giant fucking brain tumor! What is in that thing?! A tennis ball? A pop can? Oh! I know! It’s a bendable dildo!

Ok, I’m done! This shit is making my brain hurt. Hopefully I’m not developing a Snooki tumor, er, pouf.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And oh god, there’s a woman with a Snooki pouf and pajama pants on…

Marriage

I got thinking today, about marriage. I like the whole white dress thing, I wouldn't want to be married in a church. I'm a Pagan, not a Christian, and would like to be married somewhere meaningful to me. Somewhere full of nature. Botanical gardens might be nice...

Anyways, I digress.

Can I copyright marriage? I mean you can copyright anything now. I think a few years back Microsoft copyrighted the double-click. It would be one hell of a way to make money. I charge a $2 royalty from any institution that marries a couple. I could be rich in a month!

There were about 2.1 million marriages in the US in 2009. So, in short... I am going to copyright marriage so all of you people can make me a millionaire in a years time.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And do you promise to give Gwen $2? I do.

People at Walmart

A friend of mine showed me a site called People of Walmart. You do not know the horror that she has unleashed upon you. Ohhhhh, you KNOW this is going to be inappropriate.

I love Flounder... but your  anime convention is in another Walmart.

As long as we're making Mario references... 
Hey Toad! Is the princess at the anime convention?

Shopping carts now come with a baby airbag... only at Walmart.

The only "girl" I have is my car... I was wondering who dented the exhaust pipe.

Mickey!

Who knew the Predator had children that looked human? Kids going to be traumatized.

Are you trying to imply your dick is so big it can't fit in your pants? Or did you just suddenly lose a lot of weight in 10 seconds? Or are you just too dumb to know how to use that belt?

I hear Ford is working on a new line of cars. This is the first one... it's called the Walmartmobile.

Hey sweety, you remember our weddin'? I sure do, that Walmart is so special to me.

1: Your boots cover more of you then the entire rest of your outfit. 
2: Your bra is supposed to go STRAIGHT across your back, not go up above your shoulder blades!

And on the other end of the spectrum we have somebody that just needs to wear a bra in general before a basketball player mistakes her cleavage as the hoop.


This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And welcome to Walmart.



~Walmart isn't mine... obviously.

Checking out faster at the grocery. Part 2

I posted one of these a month back or so, here’s a continuation of it.

~ If you decide you don’t want something when at home do you just leave it laying around? No? Then pretend you’re home and don’t leave it at the end of the lane. Give it to the cashier and tell them “I don’t want it” or something to that nature. This goes triple if it’s a cold or frozen item. There’s nothing quite like finding a container of ice cream you stuck in the candy rack all nice and melted 3 hours later.

~You know those little plastic rectangles that are beside the belt? Those are dividers. They are there so that your items and the previous person’s items don’t get mixed up. USE THEM! Even if you’re stuff is way back put one up. As I said in the previous one of these, we can’t pay attention to everything and a lot of us just keep scanning until there are no items left or we hit one of the dividers.

~I know I mentioned watching your children in the last one of these I made. Allow me to expand on it. If you can’t control your loin spawn, LEAVE THEM HOME! There is a customer that comes in my store for example. Their child screams the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME they’re in the store. Telling (actually its usually yelling at) your child “No!” and “Put it back!” doesn’t work if you haven’t shown them the consequences for not listening! The employees bask in the silence for a couple seconds any time people like you leave the store!

Here, allow me to help. This has worked for a very long time and is a well known cure for unruly child. Place hand behind child’s buttocks. Move it back approx 4-5”. Accelerate it towards child’s buttocks quickly. This is called a “spanking”. It works wonders. Don’t administer it while you’re pissed off.

~Cell phones. Do I really need to go into cell phones? Evidently I do! Hang up your god damned phone when you’re checking out. Do you have any fucking idea how rude that is? I am supposed to talk to you. If I interrupt your amazingly important call too bad. Also, if I ask for your loyalty card, and you don’t respond after 2 times then I am going to assume you don’t have one. Rude? Probably. But look who’s calling the kettle black.

People like you make me wish I could still do what the policy was at the pizza place I used to work at. If you were in line, and talking on your phone… we’d skip over you until you were done.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And allow me to introduce my new product! The “cell phone blocker”! It’s a heavy piece of metal perfect for blocking the reception of a cell phone. Just slam it into the phone until it no longer has reception… or is in pieces. Whichever comes first. We at Gwen’s Psychotic Products are not responsible for injury from improper use of this product or flying cell phone pieces. Not to be used as a spanking device.

TWitN: 10/16/10-10/22/10

This week in the news! Campbell’s Soup is receiving grief from US activists *cough bigots cough* over something they’re selling in Canada. A man in California has something interesting found when he takes his car in for a routine oil change… and now the FBI wants it back. And Mel Gibson’s trying to make a comeback by being in an upcoming film.

~Campbell’s Soup is receiving grief and a “grass-roots boycott” after releasing a line of soups in Canada that are certified as halal, or in other words prepared according to Islamic dietary laws. The halal soups have been in Canada since January… the xenophobic American’s didn’t catch up to it until earlier this month. First off I have to congratulate the American bloggers. It only took you 9 months to go “OMFG! CAMPBALLS IS MAKERING TERRERIST SOUPS!!!!!!” For a group of people that go out and try to find things that offend that stick that’s firmly shoved up they’re ass they really dropped the ball on this one.

Now that that’s out of the way how, the fuck, does this affect any of you dumbasses boycotting? Oh, that’s right, it DOESN’T! This is in Canada! It’s not in America, land of the free (ha!) and home of the bigoted. Campbell’s has made it very clear that it has no plans to release this line of soups in the US, probably because you’d get people that would try to bomb Campbell’s for this “horrible affront on freedom” or some shit like that.

Can somebody tell me what the difference in the principle between halal and kosher is aside from the religion? One is perfectly fine, and gets advertised without any issue (Buy Hebrew National hot dogs!), yet the other if it’s even mentioned you’d think people were promoting the idea of self-cannibalization.

~Yasir Afifi, a 20 year old man in San Francisco, took his car to a garage for a routine oil change… and ended up with the FBI knocking on his door demanding the GPS tracking device back that the mechanics found while changing his oil.

The guy is a computer salesman and a community college student and has no ties to any terrorist group that they can find, the only reason for the tracker being put on his car is that he has an Islamic sounding name… makes me wonder if the FBI is also bugging and putting trackers on everything Barack Obama rides in.

It makes me wonder. Can the FBI actually demand it back? And if so does Afifi have to give it back to them? It was installed onto his property… couldn’t that be considered a modification? And if so wouldn’t that make the tracker itself his property?

Fuck it, not talking on that one anymore.

~Mel Gibson is trying to make a comeback by being in an upcoming film! The film you ask? Why the movie is the amazing, the glorious, the oh so ironic, The Hangover 2. I think the premise of the movie is they’re going to film Mel Gibson for a few days in his daily life, get some fantastic footage of the crazy guy hung over edit it together and release it to theatres! Estimated cost of making the movie is $100,000 and all the booze that Mel wants during the filming of the movie. Watch after the credits role and you can see outtakes of Mel, drunk and screaming at the TV as he watches another one of his movies… The Passion of the Christ.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And pain is nature’s way of saying “don’t do that.” Pain killers are mankind’s way of saying “no, it’s ok, you can do that.” Notice that we don’t have anything to lessen a hangover yet?



*Blah blah, usual crap, satire/parody, if you are Mel Gibson, the FBI, or anybody else I happened to mention and you don’t like what I said then tough. Freedom of speech and I don’t own any of the stuff mentioned in this post.

TWitN: 10/09/10-10/15/10

Yes, I am aware that I missed a week. So this is going to be the news over the last 2 weeks.

This week in the news! Bill O’Reilly was on The View and pissed off the hosts… go figure there. Something downright disturbing about McDonald’s food. There’s controversy over the design of the “ground zero” community center. A teenager from a high school in Ohio has committed suicide, wouldn’t be news except it’s the 4th one from that school in less then 2 years. And Captain Jack Sparrow visits a classroom in response to a fan letter.

~Bill O’Reilly (henceforth known as Billy) was on The View and managed to piss off the hosts so much they walked off the stage! I am not going to respond to what any parties involved said on the show though. It’s Billy… what the fuck did you expect! The guy is an extremist! Just look at his shows: “ridiculous” as an insult (congrats there btw…), cutting his caller’s mic whenever he’s losing a debate, such blatant extremism that extremist groups don’t even want him. If that wasn’t enough he can’t even pay attention to the importance of his own material! A few years back when Bush was in office he talked about a convention saying it was too festive with the war going on and the horror of some tsunami. If it was too trivial to be having during those big things why the hell was he reporting on it then?! Done… not talking about Billy the Kid anymore.

~McDonald’s food doesn’t degrade. A woman bought a McBurger and a McFry and left them on a plate for 6 months. 6 months later the food is hard as a rock and now looks plasticy but that’s it. Not even mold will grow on it! Excuse me but EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! This is why I don’t eat at McClown. I cook, I cook rather well actually. If I cooked up a burger and left it on a plate for a WEEK outside of a fridge it would be molding. Last I heard it was illegal to use embalming fluid in food…

~Big controversy over the released design for the “ground zero” community center! Personally I think it looks very nice.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20101005/pl_yblog_upshot/park51-renderings-released

People are saying that the honeycomb design has hidden meanings and blah blah. Everything has a hidden meaning. If you try hard enough you can find a hidden meaning in ANYTHING! Get over it! My only complaint about the proposed design is that the floor and ceiling design pulls some funky optical illusions on my eyes.

~ You know, I only have 2 things to say on this one. 4th teenager in 2 years commits suicide from bullying at a single school.

1. The school is insanely lucky that the kids just decided to end their own life instead of getting a gun and going the revenge route. See Columbine, Virginia school shooting, or the guy that worked at a metal factory and made a fucking sword to see what happens sometimes when you push people to the breaking point.

2. Teach your kids to deal with bullies!!!!!!!! Here, since you are too stupid to do it I’ll do it for you. You kick the bully’s ass! It doesn’t even matter if you win, as long as you put up a fight they won’t mess with you anymore because they want easy marks. Yes you’re child will get suspended, but I can almost guarantee that the bully will quit fucking with them. Usually I am not a violent person but in some cases violence is a good educator. Some people the only thing they understand is pain. You can talk all you want but until you see if you’re hand and their head can exist in the same place at the same time they won’t leave you the fuck alone. I read once about a guy that kept getting picked on at school. The bully decided to pick on him when he was having a bad day once… no the bully didn’t end up dead. The guy picked up a desk and hurled it at the bully, needless to say no bully ever messed with him again!

School isn’t like work. At work you can report that you’re being harassed. If it continues you sue for hostile work environment. It’s considered a standard (although generally last resort) way of getting the problem fixed. At school that doesn’t work! The biggest threat a school can give is suspension and the bully just goes “I didn’t want to be here anyways, alright!”

~Top story! And thank the gods it’s a good one. Johnny Depp visited a British school as Captain Jack Sparrow in response to a fan letter he received from a student there.

http://blog.movies.yahoo.com/blog/42-johnny-depp-surprises-british-classroom-with-visit-from-captain-jack-sparrow

This is why I like Johnny Depp and Lady Gaga. They appreciate and respect their fans! Far, far too many celebrities don’t want anything to do with their fans other then take their money. Depp was over there filming for Pirates 4, read the letter, and decided to go visit in costume and in character. That is something the girl will remember for the rest of her life. It makes me happy to see celebrities, who aren’t supposed to be role models but are often raised to that level, do something nice just because it would be nice.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I’m going to go try that McBurger experiment.

To the people coming here from Facebook

I did not think I had any links to my blog on Facebook. Evidently I do... although to the best of my knowledge its not on MY Facebook. So if you are coming to my blog from a link on Facebook please leave me a comment here linking back to the page the link was on.

Thanks!

~Gwen

The Ruling Government (US)

Here are a few little known facts about the people running the country, by that I mean the House and Senate. Over 50% of them have bankrupted a business before. Many have been caught with illegal drug use, including former president Bush Jr. with cocaine use (I personally see nothing wrong with people doing drugs… victimless crimes can go to hell, and no I’ve never done any drugs and I’d willingly take a drug test to prove I’m not on any). Many use their status to have representative immunity with various illegal acts that they do, most recent I remember is a speeding ticked… the guy was only going I think 80 in a 50mph zone.

What I would like to see is a presidential candidate that has actually LIVED like most Americans do! Most of the people running the government are rich and have never actually lived like the people they’re supposed to govern do. How, the FUCK, are you going to govern a populace when you have no idea how they live?! That’s like the US bombing a Middle Eastern country all to shit and then trying to rebuild their government without knowing anything about their actual culture… oh wait…

Anyways, I want to see a guy get up on the stand and go:

“I’ve been addicted to drugs, I’m off them now. I’ve survived 2 weeks on nothing but ramen noodles. I’ve been homeless. I’ve worked a shitty fast food job. I’ve worked retail, and am now a manager at Walmart. I want to be your president.”

That guy gets my vote! He gets my vote because he knows how 90% of Americans live! I don’t care if you made mistakes in your past (as long as they’re not horribly broken ones: rape, premeditated murder, etc) as long as you learn from them!

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And I will NEVER see a candidate like this.

Things I Like

Here are a few links to blogs and comedians I like.

The 2 Sense Show, it used to be just an online audio show, now its video also. It’s also one of the things that first got me writing.

Skippy’s List, if you have not at least heard of Skippy’s List then WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!

Redhead Ranting, because I like her writing style and the topics she does.

ZOMGitsCriss and K-rina. Her Youtube page and blog. She makes damn good points and is still funny a lot of the time.

Angel Cakes, a blog a friend of mine owns. She makes damn close to professional looking cakes.

Angry White Dude. I do not always agree with this guy, but difference of opinion is a good thing!

And last GAY, a lesbian e-magazine. They post some very interesting articles.

This has been Gwen. Your pissed off, ranting redhead. And go give these people some comments!