Sunday, September 12, 2010

TWitN: 9/4/10-9/10/10

This week in the news! A pastor in Florida plans to burn the Quran on September 11th (update, it’s been postponed). A US student tries to electrocute himself, evidently he didn’t try hard enough. Screaming children are BANNED from a restaurant in NC, WAHHHHHHHH!!!!! And Canada unveils a new speed bump, you gotta see it to believe it.

~Top story! A pastor in Gainesville, Florida was planning on hosting a Quran burning at his church on 9/11. “Was” being the key word, it’s been postponed due to political pressure, I’m still reporting it though. Come on, really? You’re going to make it this easy?! Is the pastor fucking stupid?! I think he’s drunk too much of Jesus’ blood. Remember a few years back when somebody made a comic that satirized Allah? The Muslim community in the Middle East went APE SHIT! You can’t do shit like this and not expect there to be repercussions! The Middle East is not the fucking US or Europe. They still have blasphemy laws.

In short, unless you want to add even more people to the ranks of the terrorist groups and have more of them trying to shoot at the soldiers we have over in the Middle East then DON’T FUCKING DO IT ASSHOLE! Or how about this... we can paint your religion in the same heavy handed paint brush you’re painting the Muslims with! All Christians are abortion doctor shooting, Quran burning, childing molesting, funeral protesting psychos. And, in protest, I am going to host a Bible burning on December 25th. Next story.

(Note: I’m not really hosting a Bible burning or believe the last line above… I’m proving a point.)

~“An American student whose heart stopped after he deliberately electrocuted himself in a science class is suing his teacher for not warning him it was dangerous.”

“Dubois and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not tell him and other students of the dangers of the demonstration power cords in their electrical trades class.”

The kid by the way is 18 and did it on a dare (he’d get a Mountain Dew for doing it…). You know, at 18, if you don’t know electricity will kill you then you need to shove a fork into an electric socket. It’s an electrical trades class!!!! Being in it to begin with means you are going to be working in some profession that deals with the electrical field! I sure as hell would never hire this kid if he doesn’t know electricity kind of hurts!

Oh, ahuck ahuck, I’ll get a free pop if I put these here 2 clamps on my nipples and turn it on? Swell! I get a free pop! Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-ZAP!!!!

And moving on.

~The Olde Salty restaurant in Carolina Beach, North Carolina has posted a new rule for its restaurant. “Screaming Children Will NOT Be Tolerated!” I am going to get a lot of flack for this, but I think it ROCKS! I think it needs to be put into effect in a few other places, like movie theaters.

Now, let me explain. On the one hand if you have a baby then when they’re crying it’s normally that they want food, sleep, a diaper change, or to be cuddled. And assuming you’re a good parent you’re going to try to get them to be quiet. I doubt that I or the restaurant would get on you about it if you’re trying to quiet them down. On the other hand if you have an older child that screams like a banshee because they’re not getting what they want then, or you’re just ignoring it then you need to be drug outside and beat until your 2 brain cells rub together.

I get this at work, there’s a person that always brings their 2 children along, 1 is a toddler, the other is probably preschool-kindergarten age. The older kid screams from the time she walks into the store to the time they leave! I know why the restaurant put this rule into effect… it’s because the other patrons don’t want to hear your hell spawn screaming their entire meal. There’s nothing like going to a nice sit down restaurant, paying $15+ a meal, before beverages and tip, and having some child screaming behind you the entire time. If you can’t control your child then either: go somewhere for kids where one more screaming child won’t matter, hire a babysitter, or stay the fuck home!

~And the final story. Canada unveils a new speed bump, an optical illusion of a child. This one needs to be seen to be believed…

I am sure it will work, for a little while. After about the first month everybody is going to be used to it and drive over “Pavement Patty” without a second thought. Then this is going to happen.

Somebody is driving down the road. “Oh look, they put in another one of those painted speed bumps.” *THUMP THUMP* “OH MY GOD!!!! I RAN OVER A CHILD!!!!!!!!”

That is what is going to happen! You are conditioning people to run over children, in real life! This isn’t a video game, this isn’t on a TV screen, this is in real life! I hope guys get this thing removed before people start running people over without realizing they were real, and not some stupid 3D painting on the ground.

This has been Gwen, your pissed off, ranting redhead. And now I’m waiting for GTA 37(or whatever number they’re up to) where all the speed bumps are painting of kids on the road.

1 comment:

  1. How stupid you gotta be to think an illusion painting of a kid is going to work as a speed bump? I mean a mother, I really fuckin happy I don't live there. Can see it now...

    motorist- "oh it's another pavement patty
    *thump* (they run over my kid)
    *snarl* (coming from me as i rip the motorist out of the car and proceed to beat the ever-loving shit out of them!

    If they really do this idiotic idea, I wonder how many parents are going to be in jail on murder charges.....